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I texted him this morning, "Taking S on a picnic, catching some pokeman, wanna come?"

He said, "I would love to. What time?"

He did come. I thought it was a very nice time. We both seemed relaxed. No PDA.

However, after nearly 3 hours of walking around downtown I couldn't help but to think every time he got a text or looked at his phone he was looking/responding to texts from the OW.

Finally I'm the one who ended it. I was tired of acting normal. My s cried and grabbed on to his D.

This is called cake eating.

Sorry you find yourself here. It's a really tough situation. And he is cake eating all over the show.
I would suggest maybe not initating family time. He gave up that privilege when he chose to have an affair. And I know that all too painful feeling when they are checking their phone constantly, the feeling you want to yank the damn phone out of their hands and beat them with it.
I'm not saying deny him seeing the kids. If he offers to do something with the family, maybe then you could go along if you felt like it. But no to initating. These first few l weeks are tough. And it sounds like he is in great conflict. Get concentrating on you.

I had a coffee date yesterday and it was great. I was so enjoyable having a conversation with someone that wasn't forced, laced with hurtful things, or insulting. This person asked me to dinner tomorrow night and I am going to go.

I also told my therapist yesterday about the to-be coffee date and had her full support. I am tired of feeling like a victim. I am tired of looking at my phone every other minute waiting for my H to call or text. Or standing by the window looking at the street waiting for him to come home.

My therapist was also supportive of me doing something like that. She thought it'd be a good wake-up-call for my WW/MLC. But I think you have to be sure that this is what you want, and that it's not somehow going to mess you up in the way your sort out your feelings about your H.

I don't have answers on this. Wrestling with it myself. I don't want seeing others to be a crutch. But then I think... maybe there's nothing wrong with a crutch (as long as all parties are aware?)

ForGump: Yes, this person is aware of my current sitch and seems to be excited to spend time with me. Which feels really nice have being so rejected by my H. I don't see it as a crutch, I see it as something I'm doing for me, something that makes me feel like me again. I'm tired of pining for the H at home, god knows he's not pining for me.

Is anyone having issues with family members outside the home? Like mom, sister, brother, ect?

I just got off the phone with my sister. Evidently I hurt our mom's feelings (unintentionally). She sided with mom, ditched on a concert we were supposed to go to together tonight. Now I feel ganged up on, and lonely. Even more so than usual.

They both want me to give up on my marriage. When I called my mom crying Saturday she said, "Maybe he just really doesn't want to work on the marriage." To which I yelled, "F*** YOU!" and hung up the phone.

Yes. They are right. He doesn't want to work on it right now. He wants a bachelor life and date his 21 AP. But I'm trying to keep it together and doing all the work and hoping for the both of us and the last thing I want is for my most closest family members to break me down further.

I am noticing that I'm having more anger issues. I've been waiting for those. And I'm sure I say things that rub people the wrong way. But can't we expect love and patience from our own direct family members? I guess not.

H:36 W:34
S:11 S:9
WAS 7/30/16

LonelyW - I hate to say it but I LOL'd at that. Good for you! On another thread there was a big discussion about involving family and friends. They can be well meaning but there were three categories - "Echo Chambers" where they just repeat back to you what they think you want to hear, "Fire Starters" who just want to see the world burn, and "Limp Noodles" who won't take any side at all.

What I've learned is to listen politely and then say that I've picked my own course but really appreciate their support. I usually get a few more comments on how stupid I am but then they stand with me and give me the hugs that actually help me heal. F*** YOU is a stronger way of saying the same thing. I know that they mean well and that their advice is intended to help but yes - sometimes they can be pretty aggressive when they "know" they are right and you are being "stupid".

Hugs!

What I found is this. Your family and friends love you. They just want to support you and they want you to be happy. I think - and this is just my experience - after a while they decide that the marriage is over, and in order for you to be happy they want you to move on. At which point, they switch from supporting your DB efforts to get your ex back - to actively hating your ex and wanting you to accept the D and move on with your life as quickly as possible, as this is the quickest path for you to be happy again, even though it [censored].

So don't be mad at your family, they just love you and want you to be happy. The problem is - it's not their marriage that's falling apart, it's not their family that is being broken, or their kids that are being hurt. Right now I have to DB almost in secret, my family will not support it and they just want me to accept it and move on. This is common, noone will understand it. But everyone on here is going through the same thing and we support your courage to fight for your marriage. It [censored] but that's probably your situation.

Hey LonelyW. First, I did what you have done - I let a thread go to 30 or so posts and started a new one. A 2x4 hit me and was told that when you get to 100 replies a moderator will ask you to start a new one. So, I am not a moderator, nor pretending to be. I am handing you the 2x4, you can hit yourself with it or not.


Also, having your info in your signature would really be helpful to us. This place can move fast, people look into a lot of sitches, stories are very similar - your signature helps people make heads or tails a whole lot faster and helps us offer support.

From your last thread, you were going on a date:



My thoughts on the above are based solely on my own experience and what I read in your sitch: At start of my S, I too went out w/ a woman who knew about my sitch and she was excited to spend time w/ me. It felt nice b/c I felt rejected. Unlike what you expressed, I did see it as a crutch, but like you I was very much aware it was for me. Feeling like "me" never factored into it the way you state above, in fact I very much did not want to feel like me b/c feeling like me felt like sht at that particular time. You are tired and I relate to that, you say "god knows" he is not pining for you is mind reading and self-justifying, which is a normal response, but what I just said is the truth. What I read about your WH today, he is thinking about you but your WH is also a confused three ring sht show - his behavior as you described it is completely indicative of this.

So anyway - the punchline I slept with the woman in my story above. It was her idea and I did not say no. It went from listening to my sitch on a few dates to her telling me she knew I was hurting and how I deserved better to wine at my place, to all things which follow. More than a few times and each time I felt nothing. And in the end I did not feel better and I had unnecessarily over complicated my life. I admit I went on one date with a different woman within days after that, thought my first effort "back in the game" should not be my last, this time I picked up the woman to see if "I still had it", and during that date realized I was not ready for anything like that, did not sleep w/ her. 5 months later, as in a few days ago I went on a date-ish thing with a woman who asked me out and realized again, this is not something I wish to choose for myself right now (thought of it as pulse checking the self, most certainly did not even try to sleep w/ her).

So what I read in your sitch tonight: two days ago you said in a post "I want my marriage" you also said you were running for political office. One day ago you went on a coffee date, earlier today you gave your reasons for this date which are completely valid - yet I must tell you your validiation had 4 sentences and 2 of them included statements about your H rejecting you - so 50% of your validation was based upon feelings of rejection, today you post a story which took place 4 days ago where you cursed at your mother defending your H, but in the very next sentence when you posted today, a day after the coffee date, you agree w/ your mother that your H does not want to work on your marriage. I am sure I got all that correct and I welcome you to the roller coaster that is our lives.

I am not going to speculate how you feel reading this. I know you came here for support/help. My story went the way it went, you did not indicate that you were going to sleep with coffee guy and I am not questioning your integrity, just offering you my story - FWIW, my 1st date w/ that woman was also for coffee.
As well, sometimes it helps for someone to repeat back to us what they heard us say, thats all I did w/ you sitch. Please think about it. If anything, everyone here is here to help others avoid mistakes on their journey to realize what it is that they wish choose. I do hope I was helpful. What are you going to do with that 2x4 I handed you at the beginning of my post? And seriously, add a signature.