Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Albac broken but pushing forward

Sounds like a good plan JRuss. Don't answer any of her calls for a day and see how she reacts. If she doesn't want you to be her husband then she has to know what it's like not to have you! I definitely think that she is cake eating or as Gump put it 'you are giving her an all-you-can-eat emotional buffet with the to-go boxes - love it!!

Thanks, I am trying hard to cut out as much contact as I can and I have not replied to anything that doesn't involve my D but when she phones me most of the time I answer and even ring back if I miss the call. I can see this is a bad move but I have been raised to be a good person and it feels strange going against my natural instincts but I will get the hang of it.

For those that don't fully know my sitch I am 31 and my W is 25. Although she is 25 her current maturity is somewhere around 18-20 I would say and she does have new friends from work which started around the time she left that are aged between 21-25 so you can see what I'm up against.

I am a responsible adult working a good job and was supporting my family but in her world all the things I did for us were nothing and she didn't need me. I think now she is starting to understand how much I actually did and where all the "things" she had came from (and no they didn't come from a fairy in the sky I worked hard to give her those things)

So now people are aware of our age difference and the fact we are both young, I want to ask opinions on snapchat. So for those that don't know snapchat is like a text msg with photos. She sends me photos all the time of my D which is ok I look at them and don't reply but she also sends me a lot that are of her so it is constantly in my face. Yes I could easily not open any and leave them sit there that is an option but they really arnt upsetting to me but they are very confusing.

So my W that chose to leave and chose to see someone else is sending me photos of her goofing around pretty much everyday. Should I be having a conversation with her and saying we are separated I think you need to stop sending me photos?try and bring her closer to the reality that im not her friend and moving on. Any input is appreciated as always.

The NC and me changing the way I am treating this whole situation seems to be working very rapidly.

I am now not pretending or acting "as if" I'm moving on without her I am actually doing it and in the brief conversations we have had and me pulling back no messages and cutting of phone calls seems to be waking her up.

I normally get phone calls and messages everyday mostly disguised as needing to talk about my D. It is 8:30am here and I have just got to work and already I am getting messages. Things like " I couldn't sleep last night I got about 3 hours not happy" what does this even mean. I'm taking everyone advice and in going to let it go and not reply. What's the worst that happens? She gets angry at me for not being available after she leaves?

If I were in your shoes ... it would drive me FN crazy to have the woman who left me and is sleeping with someone else send me photos of herself every day. To me that would be just torture. I would draw a boundary -- tell her in gentle but firm words that you do not want to receive those photos. They are not appropriate for where your relationship is (or where it isn't, really). They are appropriate for her lover, not the H she left. If she doesn't respect that, close your snapchat account. I know she sends you photos of your D, but you can live w/o those. You can have quality time w/ your D in person.

Thanks Gump,

This is pretty much what I know to be right in my head it's just a matter of me manning up and telling her. Things are changing so quickly already.

Haven't replied to any texts today as none were important. She has since tried calling twice but left no message so I have ignored those aswell. Time to be strong and let her no I won't be a doormat

Does snapchat let you ignore or block a user? That might be a passive way to just tune out the noise.... And if she asks if you've been getting them, then you can tell her ... well, it's not obvious to me what is good DB way to tell her why. You don't want to sound like you're in love w/ her and you're hurting. You also don't want to sound cold like you don't get a sh!t. There has to be a gentle, firm and positive way to say those photos weren't appropriate for you.

Agreed Gump,

And thy is the issue how to do it without getting pity and without seeming as though I just don't care. It has been an interesting day. I am at work and have been determined not to let her control me. She has tried calling 3 times sent 3 text messages none of any substance 12 snapchats and tagged me in 2 random funny type articles on Facebook.

For someone who has moved on this is more then I use to get when we were happily married. Seems bizarre to me.

Wow, she is determined to keep in contact with you! I hope you don't mind me saying but it almost seems as if you are her comfort blanket and without you she is a little at a loss about what to do on her own. I wonder if OM knows how much contact she has with you, it will be interesting to know if he does. He obviously isn't that great!!

I think you are right Coly.

I think she convinced herself this is what she wanted but as i am pulling back and want no contact she is starting to worry and in her panic is bombarding me with what eve she can. Even the things she talks to me about when we are together like when I'm picking my D up its just not normal.

She speaks to me as if we are still happily married about things married couples talk about which is everything. I expected after she told me about OM and keeps telling me she doesn't care if I hate her that she would pull back and not contact me at all but has done the opposite. I mean she tagged me in a Facebook post about baby goats today with smiley emojis saying this is funny..... Seriously like I care about that right now!

She wants to eat cake, albac. Very badly. She wants the adrenaline of an affair on the one hand and a wonderful, supportive friend she co-parents with on the other. What you are doing is working. Keep it up and intensify it, if you can.

She can't be that happy with OM if she's on the phone all day with you trying to keep you on an electronic leash. And he'll tire of that crap, too. If he was a good person, he wouldn't be doing what he's doing, and she'll get a taste of that, eventually.

Given her youth and, as you say, immaturity, I think NC is probably really making her wobble, and quickly, more so than it might with a WW whose in her 40s or older. She's not used to you being hard to keep under her thumb, and there's something scary about that. And, if she's honest with herself (probably not there yet, but will be), there's something newly very interesting about you.