So I have gone through a lot. The usual. The confusion, horror, pursuit, denial, fear etc. Not sure what the categories of grief are but I have lived them - I know. For years. Eggshells for years!!! I bet you have too!!! You all know the score. Now though I am starting to find peace. I think, or feel, that means I am finding me again. I am not linger the LBH that is scared. The brave, confident, kind, successful winner that I always was is slowly coming alive. If this is the only achievement I can take (rather than MR) I say it is fantastic - it's definitely enough. I am loving my own company again. Our MC said she saw anger in the WW (true), which she denied. In me she saw anxiety and a man that felt he was unlovable (I didn't understand at the time - but I did feel that). Trust me I now know what a catch I am (I don't mean to be big headed - I am not). But I now know I am handsome, kind, caring and really very successful. I am also loyal (fiercely - but not in your face) and incredible honest. So my point is.......how did I ever fall for her BS? Gas lighted I guess. It's brainwashing. I feel that this boils down to those that try to blow your light out to make their own light burn brighter. Why? Simply I think they can't make theirs burn bright alone. They feel worthless. Perhaps I contributed (definitely unintentionally-otherwise why would I have spent the last 3-4 years reading, doing courses etc to make 'it' work). So what now. Keep moving forwards. I can't wait. I will not stay in that vortex of pain ever again - bacause nobody will ever do that again. Okay, I will have set backs but no. I am done with this. Time to jog on - as me. Wishing you all he best.
Last edited by Cadet; 07/17/1605:13 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Glad to hear positive thoughts about yourself! Keep it up! I hope to be there soon with you.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I'm not interested in this I don't want the alien. I want my wife. If she can't change she is not coming back. But I know for her to change will take a change of heart.
.....
She will have to win me back now. No longer in pursuit. Now distant. Problem is there is little chasing from her as yet. Only went dark 2-3 weeks ago though. She might not chase of course and on that basis I am free....;)
Surfer - I forget who said it but "where there's life there's hope" - even for the use of the quote function.
In the mean-time, live your life, be happy with yourself. You will encounter setbacks and doubts but know that you have value in and of yourself.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Surfer: Your post is inspiring. It's a real testament to doing what works and certainly coming through the other side.
I look forward to the day when I am as close to the line as you are.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
I will not stay in that vortex of pain ever again - bacause nobody will ever do that again. Okay, I will have set backs but no. I am done with this. Time to jog on - as me. Wishing you all he best.
surfer, you seem to have covered a lot of ground in a very small timeframe. I remember chatting back on your first posts
it's strange how a lot of us LBS get knocked so far off track without even realizing it. i feel exactly what you're staying here. the menial things that happen consistently over such a long period of time change who we are as a person without us even knowing we've lost ourselves. it's a tough thing to, first, identify this and not play victim, but then to take action and make those changes we know we lead us to the best versions of ourselves... that's the tough part that is life... thats the "jog" you'll be running for the rest of our lives... that's the mark we leave behind for others to remember us by... i wish you well.
I have a question for you.....my wife suffered a loss last year (a young relative of hers). I suffered the same loss but, of course, the pain was less intense for me. The anniversary of this loss is coming up and I know my wife is feeling the pain. Do I send her a card/flowers to acknowledge her difficult time - or do I remain detached (we still communicate about kids etc)?
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
For instance, I had a coworker tragically killed in a speed boating accident over the weekend. I'm not emotionally attached to her, but I'm going to the service and sending flowers for her family. I'm not sure this is entirely correlative, but just providing example showing you can genuinely care for people, and sympathize with them, without being emotionally attached.
