Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Ok, talked to her last night. It went well. We clarified some things, ended the night with some laughs and then she walked me to the door and told me that it was hard to watch me go, especially since I don't have a place to stay. I agreed, it is hard and then I walked away. She stayed in the doorway while I drove off.
I hear ya brother! I have jacked up many a text with spell check! I clarified that I will help when I can maybe $50 to $100, that I am helping with rent (as I paid all of it for July) and that she chose this and is going to have to make a budget, I also told her that I never really felt like she appreciated anything I did. She said that she was really angry when she wrote the text messages and she feels bad having written them now, she said she can't see herself arguing with me that way, it makes her really upset, she said she thought that she would be getting more help with the rent and that she does appreciate me. During the conversation she alluded to us never being good at communicating. I interrupted her and told her that she can live in the past if she wants but that we are communicating. So she knows that I am not going to be there to catch her and as hard as it will be I need to follow through.
During the conversation she alluded to us never being good at communicating. I interrupted her and told her that she can live in the past if she wants but that we are communicating.
Forgive me for chuckling at this. I hope you can see the humor in these 2 sentences. She alludes to you 2 not being good at communicating........ You interrupt her?
Kinda funny. Can you see why?.....and on a serious note, try validating her when she shares thoughts or concerns about communication.
And my dear friend, when it comes to the agreement for financial support, hopefully you are learning there is little benefit in doing this, but if you are going to be a nice guy and do it, maybe a written agreement would be in order? Then she can't get mad or claim you said one thing and then did another. Just a thought as I know you have tripped several times being the nice guy to have it blow up in your face. Remember, she left you, correct? Is helping her financialy, benefiting you? Benefitting her? Increasing potential chances of R of the MR? What is the goal here?
Just some food for thought to chew on. I'm glad to hear you had a positive interaction with her, but I have seen enough of those in this community and then it all blows up. You have experienced this as well right?
I'm here to support you, but this deserves a little tap on the old noggin with a 2x4 my DB friend. Stay frosty out there. It is a mine field you are walking through.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Ha! Yeah it's true, I totally missed that! I did interrupt her while "communicating".Oye! I will try validating next time. Yeah in regards to the financial support there is no benefit for me in doing so, other than following my word (she was really upset one day and in my effort to fix it all I told her I would help with rent), that's why I tried to give her as little $ as possible. I will try and minimize my contact with her. Thanks for both the 2x4 and the perspective SH! You are a Godsend my friend!
I clarified that I will help when I can maybe $50 to $100
Maybe I missed something.
Why are you randomly giving her money? I think you should agree on a value and stick to it. Otherwise, what you give will **NEVER** be considered "enough" - every article of clothing, every movie ticket, every meal will be scrutinized.
That makes sense. I will do my budget and give her a set amount. I will add it to whatever I give in child support, so if I give 150 every two weeks and I decide on 50 extra bucks then I will just give her 175 every two weeks. I will also tell her that when I said I would help with the rent I was still in the MR. Fix-it mode and that I can't fix everything. If she chose to be alone with the kids then I respect that, but I can't just help with rent because that is something a husband would do. If she doesn't want me for a husband then I won't act like one. She will be angry because I'm going back on my word but it's the truth.
