Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not sure what to do

Oh, the DB book will be here in two days, can't wait.

I've been reading DB all day (came in mail today)and going back to this chatroom. I see a lot of recommendations for DR book. Is one really better than the other, can I get it done with DB? Obviously after being separated for 5 months and just finding out she did not end the affair like she said I am feeling time is not on my side. That is a feeling, I am thinking I will hear the contrary here. Thank you all in advance.

[quote=Cadet]Just keep POSTING

So Cadet said to just keep posting and journaling, so here I am. Got DB today and read a bunch on the site. While today was first true effort at 180 (after months living separated) I am pleased that I was doing at least a few of the 180 items...but again today was first day when I tried to employ as many as I could.

I met with my IC this morning. I told her I am struggling whether or not to tell my WW that I know she is with the AP and never stopped seeing him. Part of me feels like keep going a bit longer and part of me feels like quitting sometimes. I know this is not about the AP, but about her and her choices. I do not want to quit, but it was hard today and I was very close tonight to telling her I knew she was still lying.
We did not separate to work on the marriage. We both had bigger issues as individuals which affected our marriage. The separation was to work on our individual selves and to be better parents. WW told me she had quit seeing the guy and was happy to "be celebate" with "alone time" and "time to think". All lies. Meanwhile I have been going to an IC, loosing weight, been sober 5 months, etc. I do not see what she is working on by continuing to see him. I feel duped - like the reality was she moved out to be free to be with this dude. I will just keep going. Gonna give the DB and 180 some more time.

I want to make sure I understand correctly. Both of you agreed on a separation, with the intent of working on yourselves as individuals. You also separated in order to work at being better parents? How so?

You were under the impression the A was over, before the separation. You and your W tried dating each other. Was that before you discovered the AP was still in the picture?
Had there been an agreement to not date during the separation period?

Since the S was not to work on the M, was there some sort of deadline..........or was there an agreement that the two of you would resume the MR and live together again?