im not messaging her, not asking her questions about where shes going or what shes done, I don't follow her around the house.
im waiting on her to sort out divorce and house, I believe that she should do this as she wants out, so ive not mentioned this to her. she hasn't mentioned it for a while either but that's not to say she isn't arranging things without me knowing
yeah that's the problem, I still feel as though I need her. I am trying hard to disconnect from her, but its a struggle
Do you feel you need to "disconnect" in order to "detach?" I'm no trained psych, but IMO these are different things. As is the comment darknes replied to. You CAN turn things around, you CANT "make/get/convince" anything out of another living person. They can only do that for themselves. Part 1 of that can lead to a possibility in part 2 happening, but nothing is certain when dealing with other people... we each make their own decisions and naturally resist when others push ideas at us we don't agree with at the time.
Turning things around for me and my future I understand is important and necessary. but hoping she will come back to me after seeing a change seems an impossibility, if that makes any sense.
So no closer to what I want - but I'm a different person than I was in Sept 2015. I needed this crisis to get myself back on track.
I know what it takes to make a marriage work, I have:
a better relationship with my 3 kids
All kinds of new skills - cooking, baking, house keeping, gardening
A much better home - all maintenance projects are up to date, etc
A stronger network of supporters - Also you find out who your real friends are - some disappear
A couple of new friends
Even she see's that I'm changing - if not for her but the kids and I.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
How many times have people turned this kind of thing around and made their spouse come back?
These are two different things. One you have control of and one you dont.
You can be the best person in the world, and it doesnt ensure your spouse will change their mind.
Thats why it's essential to focus on what you can control: YOU.
cop-
I asked my L this question, he said out of every 10 couples who come to him to process their D, about 3-4 decide not to go through with it for some reason. hope that helps.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
I asked my L this question, he said out of every 10 couples who come to him to process their D, about 3-4 decide not to go through with it for some reason. hope that helps.
Neither one of us has filed for a divorce, but if we do I hope to be in the 30-40 percent who don't go through with it. Yesterday we had a 30 percent chance of thunderstorms. We had a massive thunderstorm that lasted a couple of hours and dumped a couple of inches or rain. That was from a 30 percent chance of rain.
So looking at it that way the odds can be beaten.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
How many times have people turned this kind of thing around and made their spouse come back?
These are two different things. One you have control of and one you dont.
You can be the best person in the world, and it doesnt ensure your spouse will change their mind.
Thats why it's essential to focus on what you can control: YOU.
cop-
I asked my L this question, he said out of every 10 couples who come to him to process their D, about 3-4 decide not to go through with it for some reason. hope that helps.
The faster you can get to a realization that their is a 0% chance the faster you can start the work you need to do.. As others have said the focus needs to be on you. Trying to mind read and dissect every action and word of W will drive you nutso.
Me:47 XW 43 D15 D10 Together 17 married 15 Bd : Mother's Day 2015 Sep :July 2015 Divorce final October 2016
