Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Almost 10 weeks since she said she didnt love me

I miss the smiley face girl too. Oh she just dropped into office this morning and added another smiley face. You'd like her. Shes petite but shapely, very cute, short shoulder length hair, asian. A tad youngish though, mid to late twenties.

Anyho back to my reality aka sich. Things look a little positive if not awkward. She pulled me in for a little peck on the lips this morning before work (W not smiley face girl) but i couldnt help but hunger for more. So i made it a little awkward. I really need to work on my neediness.

I think i better schedule MC asap cause i have no idea what im doing now. I've been fighting to get to this point, now that im here (the first stages to maybe piecing maybe) im like "sh*t i never actually thought what id do once im here".

I'll point out atleast im a little calmer now, even with her going to the office (7 working days to go). I dont know if its the gym or her finally understanding and acknowledging the hurt its causing. She says she wants to earn my trust back.

Im at a better place but i also feel impatient. Like can we fix it now or not kinda feeling. I need to reign that in and be prepared for months of work.

Take your time.

Please keep those changes going, it's a long road ahead.

V

Natus, be patient and work on yourself. There are some positives but you have to realise that it's still a way to go and your W will swing like the pendulum.

Was that your answer to her wanting to try MC?

Yea, two months in and i feel the burnout. I find part of the changes that is difficult is the ones that require money to be spent. Like keeping up the house and stuff. Money is tight at the moment.

The only thing i can really do is change my attitude and how i deal with stuff.



That is a constant worry at the back of my mind the pendulum swinging.

I admit that sometimes i think another women right now would have no problem choosing me and thats bringing my mood down. Other women are giving me attention but i want the attention of my W. Its also making me a little bit bitter.

Journaling:

Been up all night. I hope the sleepless nights haven't come back.

I dont know if i can do it. I dont know if i want the M anymore. The constant wonder if shes going to pendulum swing or going to relapse and contact OM, or if there will be OM#2.

Th constant wonder if shes hiding things from me. If shes deleting text messages or emails or whatever. I've stopped all forms of snooping. I dont even verify anymore. I cant be arsed.

The constant holding me at arms length. Intimacy has so far been a peck on the lips before work, if im lucky before bed. No feet brushing, no holding hand, no hugs, nothing to indicate if shes actually choosing me. Perhaps this is the hardest of it all.

I dont know if i can forgive or forget all those things. I am actually dreading MC now that she wants it. Because in my heart i dont know if i want it.

Its funny, she has asked for MC, a complete 180 from her. Previously her attitude to it was F that. I however am starting to wonder if i should see whats out there.

I want to GAl tonight, hell i wouldnt mind asking if the office ladies want to go out for dinner and maybe invite smiley face girl along. No intentions or expectations, just would be nice for a change. Probably a big no no.

Alternatively my guy friends are
a) boardgame group ~dont know if i am up to that right now
b) business partner ~ feels to work-ish
C) Tattoo friend and gangster ~ probably wants to drink but i am fasting for ramadhan.

Okay, Natus.

Just a thought. It will seem easier to start a new R with another woman. But down the road, there will be another set of problems. You may just be exchanging one set of problems with another set of problems. Like what your W is doing now.

You do realise that LBS can also feel ILYBIMNILWY? Love is a commitment; it is not just a feeling but an action.


Also, does your W know about the attention that you've been getting from other women? I wonder if there is any way to just let it slip into your conversations in a non-manipulative way? ;P

As for GAL, I vote for the either the boardgames or the work partner. No ladies, no no ladies! Give them a break, will ya? Sheesh, stop tempting them!

Natus, I wasn't being sarcastic, I was sincerely asking how you responded when she said something about MC.

Natus,

You're d@mn straight it's a no-no; smiley face girl is mine. You can have tattooed guy.