Thx Darknes. Was going to keep this for my big post once the D is settled, but am going to call you out again...
Once more, I respect your opinion and I would not be a healed, strong, confident God believing man if it was not for your help too.
But you said previously that you were non-religious, and never believed in D. This is the thing, we got married in a church because we understood that God ordained our M's. But then we forgot about God and went along our merry way, until BD, which was when we looked in the mirror and never liked what we saw.
Now we have an opportunity to accept infidelity as a part of M, or do the right thing, regardless if we feel differently. Taking the right action trumps doing what you feel is right.
So here's the call-out - D was created to end a marriage for unfaithfulness, if the partner is unrepentant - If you do not believe in the purpose of D, then you do not believe in the sanctity of M?
It sounds like you are saying that if your spouse is unfaithful, you have to divorce them for religious reasons. Is that what you are saying?
I have never heard of a religion that teaches that.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Hi DDJ, I think the most important thing is that you can live with deciding to file and feel it is truly the right choice for you (ie: not reactionary etc.)
I chose not to file and am glad of that - However, we are all in different places and that's fine.
Just be sure you are truly at peace with your decision and won't have 'what ifs' further down the road.
Whatever you decide - good luck to you xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
@rose, the Bible says that God hates divorce. It should only be used for hardened hearts and unrepentant spouses. The Bible also says that you can forgive, and why not. Forgiveness is a choice.
I'm not saying that I have not forgiven. I realise that I must only forgive myself. My M was dead years ago, she never cheated, as she does not know what she does. So I move on with my soul intact.
@sotto, yes we are all different. But I always believed that if my partner cheated on me, that I would divorce her. Anything less and I'm lying to myself. Same goes for my next partner and even myself if I ever go wayward again. I will file, and think about some WS's that file out of nowhere. This is not a fog. This is emotion... Or lack thereof.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I only ask as for 2 years when my WAW lifed in her room it was the same - she moved upstairs out of our room. I got cleaners in when she left - they said it might take a day (!) to clean it. Can someone tell me if this is depression, mental illness or common amongst WAW and if the latter why?
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
@rose, the Bible says that God hates divorce. It should only be used for hardened hearts and unrepentant spouses. The Bible also says that you can forgive, and why not. Forgiveness is a choice.
I'm not saying that I have not forgiven. I realise that I must only forgive myself. My M was dead years ago, she never cheated, as she does not know what she does. So I move on with my soul intact.
@sotto, yes we are all different. But I always believed that if my partner cheated on me, that I would divorce her. Anything less and I'm lying to myself. Same goes for my next partner and even myself if I ever go wayward again. I will file, and think about some WS's that file out of nowhere. This is not a fog. This is emotion... Or lack thereof.
This doesn't explain why you questioned darkness's belief in the sanctity of marriage because he doesn't believe in divorce.
Can you explain that part?
You seem really happy with your decision to divorce. It's the attempt to explain it as the religiously "right" thing to do that Has me baffled. I can't see that you have a theological leg to stand on, but maybe I'm just not understanding your point.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
