CONGRATULATIONS!!! what great advice for all of us--how long did this all take??? I am really happy for both of you. thinking of wedding plans wow, who talked about it first???
Wiley- Thanks for posting on my thread. You reiterating the words that I typed over a month ago hit me like a brick. I didn’t exactly forget that it happened but seeing this in other people’s eyes really makes me feel great.
Quote: Halo, I'd be interested in learning what kinds of things you did that may have given him the impression that he WAS LOSING YOU..I know you were upbeat, happy, good listener, non pressuring, but what else happened that may have really opened his eyes that you had moved on??
One of the biggest things I have done is I got a life!!! Every time he would call (he was the one who called 99.9% of the time) to talk he would ask how and what I was doing. At that point I was getting very involved in church and a singles group with my church, there was always something going on and when he would ask I would tell him. I spent as much time with my family as possible and I gave up my night-life (work in and going to clubs.) I quit chasing him and slowly he started chasing me. Oh I also let him know how happy I was for him, with his new home and stuff. The big thing is that I meant it!! IMHO I also believe he got on the ball when I told him that we would “talk” about our possible R when he took care of his current situation. This is a 180 from the old me. All the other times we have tried to reconcile I jumped in with both feet. This time I did not appear to be as eager.
I have taken a back seat and let him drive for a while. Looking around and enjoying the scenery is great. He starts ALL R & M talk. He is even the one who brought up looking for a house last weekend. I am just riding the waves.
Deb, I know how you feel knowing that H calls Ow by your pet name but look at it this way… He obviously doesn’t care enough about her to make one up for her! LOL
Quote: BTW, I love your posts! You're awesome!
Deb thanks for this, PMA boost!!!
Anita- this process took what felt like forever. Separated over three years, D final almost 2 years ago. Xh started calling me regularly (1-2 times a week) in October. Every month his phone calls were longer and occurred more often. Early January is when I told him to take care of his situation and we would talk about our R. Now look at where we are. Talking several times a day, spending weekends together, talking about getting married, putting an offer on a house, spending time with both families, etc. I could not be happier at this moment! I am so thankful for all of you. If it was not for the support I have received here I would not of been able to be or stay as strong as I have been. hugs and prayers
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Yesterday was a weird day. Xh must have been stressed because I could feel anxiety when we talked. He worked in his back yard most of the afternoon and evening. He is still trying to make his house and yard pretty to show. Xh made several comments that he is tired of doing everything his self around there and he cannot wait until the house sells so he will be out of there. I did not let his attitude bring me down. As a matter of fact I went to get a haircut, (I dont like it, new stylist since I moved and its too short!!) I had dinner with my mom and watched TV for a while. Xh called me around 8:30 from his cell phone, I found that rather odd because he hardly ever calls me from his cell when he is at home, we talked for a few minutes. He complained about Ow (now his room mate) not helping him do anything, and how he is so tired. I told him that he works so hard at work and at home, but I bet the back yard looks great. This seemed to boost his spirit a little! When we let each other go he told me sweet dreams and I said the same. I did not sleep well last night, I was trying to analize every second of that day. Trying to pin point why he was acting like an alien again. Good news is that he called me at 5:30 this morning to make sure I woke up in a good mood, told me that he missed me and asked me if I was still planning on going with him and his family out to dinner tonight for his parents anniversary. I reassured him I would be there and wished him a good day. What a relief! We have talked all morning long. He has called to just say hi and that he misses me and cant wait to see me tonight. We also made plans to go see my nephews derby car races on Sat. I cannot believe I lost sleep over his bad mood. Much better this afternoon though!
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Quote: I cannot believe I lost sleep over his bad mood.
I can't either, because you got to where you are at partly because you didn't analyze every word he said..
You appear to be too confident and secure in yourself and the R to allow that to consume your thought process...
As usual, you handled him PERFECTLY, listened to him complain and rant about the OW who is TICKING HIM OFF..and you DIDN'T TRY AND FIX ANYTHING OR APPEAR JEALOUS at the very mention of her name..WELL DONE!
Thats why you're one of the best in the "dbing" biz..
Keeping your emotions for him at a "loving" distance while he is on the last steps of freeing himself from this house mess he's in, is the WISEST approach..Because in the end, YOU get the calls like the one at 5:30 a.m...NOT THE OW..
Wow to read this tonite makes me have real hope that this past 1.5 yrs of seperation with hubby "back to the womb" may have a happy ending after all
today was a down one for me & too many times these past few weeks i was getting ready to toss in the towel for good
to read that you are D & now your hubby is selling the house he had with OW & she's now the roommate & you are talking of wedding plans & putting an offer in on the house of your dreams gives me some energy to stick this out just a bit longer
thanks for posting this & i'll be going back to the begining of your thread to catch up on all of your successes
tired but now have the strength to ride this out some more lets see what else the roller coaster has in store for me
Quote: I did not let his attitude bring me down.... I told him that he works so hard at work and at home, but I bet the back yard looks great. This seemed to boost his spirit a little!
Good job!
BTW, Thanks for your post on my thread, it cheered me up.
hi halo - i've just been reading your threads from newcomers and here - what terrific developments i'm so happy for you, and proud of how you are handling the roller coaster. isn't hope sometimes a pain to handle? looking forward to seeing the rst of this saga. hugs, slowly
Quote: you handled him PERFECTLY, listened to him complain and rant about the OW who is TICKING HIM OFF..and you DIDN'T TRY AND FIX ANYTHING OR APPEAR JEALOUS at the very mention of her name..WELL DONE!
I did not realize this is what I was doing. WOW I see things in a different light now!! You have a way of allowing me to see through your eyes. Thanks!! (((((Wiley))))))))
Quote: Thats why you're one of the best in the "dbing" biz..
I am going to take this compliment and run with it. I am also going to file it away for times when things are not looking so good!! LOL BoldNBeautiful- glad to help boost your spirits, my original thread is here
Just a little reminder that things are not always what they appear to be. We have to remember that our S's were hurt and have built up several walls when it comes to us and/or maybe even R's in general. Every baby step, every conversation, every smile, every kiss or hug is something to cheer about.
misingmyhubby, I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I too was ready to give up. Boy Im glad I didn't. It pleases me to know reading my journey has given you hope and maybe even strength to carry on. This makes me feel wonderful. I have received so much help from the people here, and reading success stories help a lot too.
Renew- Thanks for your support!
Slowly- thanks for checking on me.
Hugs and Prayers
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Journaling- yesterday was good as soon as I got my head out of my butt!! LOL. I know its long. SORRY Busy day @ work w/ end of month, Xh called several times to talk and to let me know he was running ahead of schedule with his deliveries. I don’t remember if I said this before but Xh’s parent’s 32nd anniversary was yesterday, they invited me to go out to eat with them. There was a possibility “we” were not going to be able to make it because Xh’s longest day at work is Thursdays. Things turned out great. Just my luck, the family wanted to eat on the opposite side of town from where I live. Oh well that’s what I get for moving far away from them I guess. LOL I rushed home from work, took a shower, and tried to look as stunning as possible in the amount of time given. I think it worked because when I showed up at the restaurant Xh’s jaw literally dropped, he told me that I looked “hot and gorgeous”. As I was getting on the main road from my apartment I called Xh to let him know I had just left. Told him more than likely I would be stuck in traffic and would be late. I asked him if he just wanted me to meet up with them later on that evening, I told him that I would want them to be waiting on me to eat. He told me “don’t be ridiculous and come on”. I’m trying to figure out if I said this because I meant it or if I needed reassurance he wanted me there… I really did mean it but I also wanted to know he wanted me there, just don’t know which one was most important. I stopped on my way and got my X-MIL & FIL an anniversary card. It was simple, not too mushy but in the inside I wrote “ MIL & FIL, happy 32nd anniversary, Thank you for sharing this special day with me, Love Halo” Do ya’ll think this was too much? Funny thing about the card is that Xh also bought a card and signed my name on his card to his parents. Does this mean we are on the track of being “Us” again? Dinner was wonderful, great conversation. His mom, dad, sister & BIL really made me feel wanted and welcomed. I am so pleased about this. When Xh and I were first married his mom did not like me very much. I think it was because she felt as though I was “taking her little boy away from her”. To be honest with you guys I acted like a spoiled brat and was intimidated by her. Always thinking she had an ulterior motive for calling or asking “us” or him to do things for or with them. I was a real B*#*h to her and complained to H all the time because they would stop by unannounced. There were a lot of double standards on my part in our M when it came to our involvement with family and friends. Looking back I could kick myself in the hiney, but you know what they say hind-site is 20/20. Xh took the day off today so he stayed the night with me last night. Let me tell you how great it was waking up with him in my bed this morning. I caught myself lying in bed cuddling with him until the last possible minute. While I was getting ready I stared at him several times, he looked so peaceful lying there. I woke him up after I got ready by kissing him on his back and cheek. He woke up in such a great mood. Yeah!!! Xh hates traffic so I warned him the traffic to his house would be bad. He didn’t seem too worried about it. One more concern: We talked yesterday about Easter (xh asked me a few weeks ago to join him and his family for Easter), he asked me if I was going to miss going to my Grandparents house for Easter. I said no, I have been there for the last few years. Things kind of got tense so I said, “besides the fact I can’t wait to eat all the good food your family has at their family functions.” Then started listing the special dishes they have there. He laughed and agreed, then said that he cannot wait to taste my grandmother Dr. Pepper Ham; he said he has been missing it. Whew, that was a close one. He cancelled plans for Saturday because a DJ job came up, He did ask me if he could come to my house after he finished up. Around 1 am or so, I did not get upset or anything just told him that I did not see a problem with it. He has asked me what I was going to do and I told him I would probably go out with a GF of mine.
Did I handle things correctly? Any advise would be appreciated. Hugs and Prayers
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Wow to read this tonite 
lets see what else the roller coaster has in store for me 
i'm so happy for you, and proud of how you are handling the roller coaster. isn't hope sometimes a pain to handle? looking forward to seeing the rst of this saga. hugs, slowly