Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Just a Vanilla Change 30

I'm so thankful you're not in that spot anymore. I'm sorry that you still have to live with the aftermath.

Thank you Zues

Dreams are odd. For some reason I'll share a dream my best friend had last night. He dreamed that he was driving down the road when there was a terrorist attack. In no time flat it turned to a post-apocalyptic world. He stopped at a gas station and this lady was trying to get to her car, but this sinister guy was lurking in the shadows like he was going to attack her. He escorted the lady to her car, but after she left the guy followed him into the gas station and started moving in like he was going to attack. My buddy grabbed two glass bottles of coca-cola and broke the ends off, using them as weapons as he prepared to defend himself. His first thought was "gotta go for the neck and try to open up an artery", then he thought "boy, the terrorist attacks were only a few minutes ago, the situation sure escalated quickly!" It was kind of humorous to him how it went from a normal evening to battling strangers with broken coke bottles in the gas station in no time flat.

I don't know why I'm sharing other than I thought it was funny, and I'm proud to have a friend bad-a$$ enough to handle even a dream villain that way.

Quite curious, I love the dream thing. Really great.

As for you, if it's anything like it is for me I hope things start moving with your D very quickly.

Thank you. I am in no rush for the Fins thing. I will manage it as well as I can.

You say you are just starting on the financial piece, but with XH it sounds like a lot was frittered away. Is there much left to fight over?

Zues I have assets. WH has nothing now but debts. He is destructive. We were together from May 2011 and M in Oct 2013. I walked in June 2014 when WH started his money or else stance. By Oct 2014, he could no longer pay his way.


What type of timelines are you saddled with?

Open ended but at least now he can't move back in. My safety comes first, the old Maslow hierarchy of needs.

You've been on your own for a while now.

Yes I have. Ring reality since new years day 2014 when I caught WH with OW1.


Are you turning thoughts towards dating again,

I have never dated Zues, all my Rs have started with friendship and gone from there. I really don't trust my judgement. It takes about 2 years before my feelings become clear. I am not in the in lurve type. I guess I don't do limmerance, I seem to skip that part.

or are you kind of hunkered down and just trying to recover for a bit like I am?

I am in shape, physically or mentally for an R. And since the kind of men I would like to be with are good caring and loving, then it is hard to be all over the place. Eventually it will be up to any new partner to know if they can get to know a woman who is healing. As I once said to Gg it only takes one to fit. At the moment there is one guy I have known 20 years (he's single) who is interested in me. He visits and has let it be known he would love to R if I am interested.

Who is in your support group?

Aged pa (first and foremost), glam sis, clever nephew, favourite cousin. I am very close to my family.

I have three besties, I have work Bestie and his W (both of whom I have known for 30 years) who have kept me going work wise, I have fun Bestie (and her H) who I share lots of stuff and until she was ill we went dancing, I have Orange Wed Bestie who is my emotional confident. I have exercise bud, new friend too. I also have power woman client with whom I do courses and talk business, who knows my fins and long term business client with whom I go to spas. Sadly I lost two very good male friends this year, one to a heart attack (he was my secretary for 20 years until he retired) and close friends H who stayed a friend when W went wayward on him, he died of food poisoning.

My other supports are my Gamanon group, including two mentors and my tribe here. It's not easy to convert mentors and anonymous posters to friends although I seem to be succeeding. I believe I have made some wonderful friends through DB, for which I am very thankful.

I have a very wide variety of friends, men women children and dogs. Yes dogs and cats too.........

From various ethnic backgrounds, ages and orientation. I believe in friendship that makes life rounded and full. I believe in hospitality.

When you first asked that question I thought do I really have support? Perhaps I don't appreciate enough!

What do you do for fun on the weekends, and who do you spend your time with these days?

The irony is I spend more time alone than I used to. I also spend more time with friends, shooting the breeze. I can shoot the breeze very well indeed. The big house is coming alive again. I am doing a part time abuse counselling course and will volunteer a couple of afternoons a week at an abuse centre. As I get free of debt I shall do more.

I'm sure we've talked about this, but I can't remember so give me a little insight.

You are a remarkable man Zues and very much changed in some ways since you arrived, I would imagine you could shoot the breeze very well indeed. It has been inspiring to watch your progress. Sometimes I fail to see your view and have to ask, I may not always agree although there is often an overlap. I love your determination and wished I had a little of the Zues drive.

But you know we are not so unlike in some things, we believe in M and fidelity. Similar core values in different fruit.


Glad you're not off to surviving just yet.

I thought very deeply about it. It's an important decision for me. It tells me I am ready to move on and I still have more growth. I confess I am a stiff upper lipper and live in my own beautiful world. XWH was a cold bath of reality.

Your posts are awesome and the newcomers are lucky to have you around.

Thank you Zues, you know I am an admirer of yours. Authentically Zues. Ever since you confessed that the misspelling of your name was accidental!

Big hugs

V

I just noticed being ill is good for sleep deficit. Not that I would recommend that tactic.

Just saying.

V

Hi V, I'm just dropping in to say Hi and that it sounds as though you are making good progress. Nice to hear of your male friend, and that this could grow into something else in time if that's what you want. I agree that this (for me) feels like the way to go rather than 'dating' and I too have have guys that I know socially where things could develop if they or I wanted to do that.

Good for you with the volunteering - I think that's a great path to go down and means that something good can come from these difficult experiences. I've been asked to facilitate at future divorce workshops and I'm interested in doing that too.

Hope you have a good week V! Xx

Vanilla,

I hope you recover from your pneumonia soon. Physical illness can wear you down emotionally. You may just be experiencing this because you are sick right now...

I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through and I'm so glad you're out of it.

You know that I am in the middle of extracting myself and my emotions from the ties to a man who was emotionally and verbally very manipulative and exploitative, if not outright abusive. It's not that I don't want to acknowledge the abuse, it's just that I save the word for the type of treatment you experienced. Thank you for your openness and contributions, they have been very helpful to me.

Feel better V. Have a speedy recovery.

RAI

Get wel soon Lady V

(( hugs))

Darn pneumonia!!! Hope you get better soon!

Hope you're recovering! Pneumonia is nothing to laugh at, it's serious stuff.

Hey V,

Just checking in here (for the first time in like 3 months) and quickly read up on your thread. It seems like you're moving forward a step at a time and that's all we can do. Keep your head up, I look back at all of you kind folks here and see how beneficial each one of you were getting through the darkest moments. Just want to reiterate how deeply appreciative I am to you and your candid, yet meaningful guidance.

-MCS

Sleep well. Get well. Be well