Taking the leap. Moving over from newcomers!! My original story is Here
Background: D final 2 years ago, have been working on our R for the last few months. Xh has a house w/ Ow that is on the market. They are roommates now. She is hardly there when he is there. We are best friends and getting to know each other again on every level. So far things are working out wonderful. When I started this MB this time I had the idea that I wanted my old M & R back. But the knowledge of the people here taught me that we deserve so much more. Things are working out better than I could have imagined, I have never felt like this before. Xh and I have talked about getting married again, he would be happy in a court house but I want something more personal. We are exploring the idea of having an outside small wedding in the back yard of our dream home. We made an offer on the house yesterday but have not heard anything back yet. Keeping my fingers crossed. Thanks for all of your support.
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Coming over from newcomers to tell you I just got caught up on your thread. I am so excited for you. I know for now that is over for my H and me. I can honestly say I have accepted that. I am concentrating on my life and my children. Reading about your sitch gives me anything is possible and I am really happy for you. Regardless if my H and I ever get back together, I have made up my mind that I will have a great life.
Good luck with your new R! Thanks for bringing a happy story!
Halo, Welcome, and congratulations on the move to Piecing. Things are going really well for you. I just love hearing about positive progress, it gives everyone something to be happy about, and spreads more hope.
So tell us about your goals moving forward. What's next?
Thanks to everyone!! Marb, I am so glad that you have made the decision to be happy, if H decides to join you it would be great but if not you will be alright. This is the attitude I have had for some time. It makes life easier, the bad things that happen dont seem too bad when you have a positive attitude. I am excited for you. Take care, hugs and prayers to you
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
I have no idea exactly what the turning point was but this is my ASSumption. I know it’s not good to assume but this time I think it will be okay. We have kept in contact with each other for the last three years, We tried ˝ heartedly several times but had not tried in over a year. He bought a house with Ow a little over a year ago and I think this was the breaking point for him. We have had question sessions and he has told me that he had realized he was still “in love with me” shortly after he and Ow bought their house. He felt like he was trying to live “our” life with her and it wasn’t right, he was miserable. The love we once had showed him what love was and he did not love her. He told me that he was scared I had moved on and that he had lost me forever: he knew he had to do something quick before he did loose me.
Quote: What difficulties have you two over come?
One of the biggest things we have overcome is the trust issue we had. Before Xh left three years ago we had a lot of problems with trust. I had had an EA that turned into an A. Living a double life, a million lies and the usual that goes with being involved in an A. The other things we have overcome are the jealousy and anger problems I once had. I amaze Xh all the time with my actions and reactions. He is constantly telling me how much I have changed and that I am not reacting the way I normally would have. He also tells me how happy he is with me.
Quote: General Advise?
IMHO I think any marriage is salvageable, the keys are patience, faith, work on yourself and things will work out the way they are supposed to work out. Water, I hope I answered your questions…
Rotzilla - Thanks I’m glad I’m here too!!!
Quote: What is better than you had imagined about your R now?
The best thing about our R is that we are “best friends”, we can sit and talk for hours about nothing in particular. There is not a struggle for conversation. I get weak in the knees when we kiss and hug. We both want basically the same things in life. Not exactly the same as that would get boring. His family is so nice to me and I feel like I am wanted and welcomed. This is the first time I have ever felt this way and we have been together for over 10 years! We do not have a trust issue any longer. We trust each other completely. This was a huge problem for us before Xh left 3 years ago. The list goes on and on. All smiles on this end!!
Quote: What do you still need to see improvement on?
I believe I still need to see improvements on how he tries to combine the old me and new me. He is still somewhat hesitant about the person I am now staying around. He has not said this outright but this is what I believe. I cannot blame him for being hesitant about this. I was a very emotional, angry, and insecure person once upon a time. I just have to make sure he knows with out a doubt that the person I am now is the person I will be always. Another improvement that needs to be done is something neither one of have control over. His Real estate agent needs to get on the ball and sell his house ASAP!!!
Renew4me & imalright12960: Thanks for the encouraging words and support.
I wish all of you hugs and prayers
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Congrats on turning things around in your sitch. I was a lurker on your thread for some time and I tip my cap to the way you handled yourself right from your opening post. I was particularly impressed that when your X having an R with the OW, living with her and calling YOU to talk about her etc..you were smart enough to treat it in the following manner..
Quote: I "acted as if" it was no big deal, calmly told him that as soon as he took care of the situation he was in, we would talk about it.
That was AS COOL AS A CUCUMBER, not too mention it exudes calm confidence, and exuded connotations of you LETTING GO when it was extremely imortant for you to do so..Didn't surprise me that as I followed your thread, things got better after that happened..
Quote: He told me he was scared that I had moved on and that he had lost me forever: he knew he had to do something quick before he did lose me.
For all you DBers out there viewing from home...REREAD THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!! You greatly add to your cause when you LET GO and START TO GIVE THE IMPRESSION that you may not be WAITING AROUND TOO MUCH LONGER. Halo, I'd be interested in learning what kinds of things you did that may have given him the impression that he WAS LOSING YOU..I know you were upbeat, happy, good listener, non pressuring, but what else happened that may have really opened his eyes that you had moved on??
I'm really happy for you, hopefully you will help others to really do what it takes to give themselves at least a chance at saving their Ms..
Quote: He felt like he was trying to live “our” life with her and it wasn’t right, he was miserable. The love we once had showed him what love was and he did not love her. He told me that he was scared I had moved on and that he had lost me forever: he knew he had to do something quick before he did loose me.
HELLO! This was great! i think my H is doing the same with the OW also. He even called her "turkey" the same name he gave me while we were first dating. Yep, I think my H is doing the same and thanks for pointing out what your H thought! It helps all of us "see" through our S's eyes what they are going through!
Like Wiley, I'd like to also know what you did to give your H the impression you were moving on without him?! As some of us would like to try a few of those things, LOL!
