Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers First Post - Need help (2)

No not managed to get a copy yet, I do intend to though.

This may sound weird but I'm thinking of setting a date on filing for D. I know it's foolish for me to think I can guess how I'm going to feel in X amount of months but for me to process this there has to be some kind of end date.

Kyle, it's not weird at all of thinking about setting a date, we all do it, but it's not effective. Something that you have to realize is that everything is going to hurt until you fix you.. A divorce is not going to change anything, you will still miss her, you will still see her because you're co-parenting, everything will be the same except for legal status.

Also, you don't sound like you want a divorce, so why would you consider setting a date to file for one? I'll tell you why, because you want to take control of the situation, I'm gonna let you in on a secret, you cant control this situation. Wanna know what you can control? Look in the mirror, that's the only thing you have control of..

You can control how much you will allow others actions to affect you, you can control how happy you truly are.. How have you been doing on meeting goals? have you started getting out and exercising? Did you go hike around the cliffs yet?

Let us know what you are happy about doing / accomplishing, it helps to get that stuff out in writing too.

Very wise advise coconut.

Kyle, I would encourage that you heed this advise.
Go get a Copt of DR today and educate yourself. This shall be your challenge for today.

Just curious. What is your alternative?

At times if I'm honest the alternative wouldn't make very pleasant reading nor do I think I want to write it.

At times if I'm honest the alternative wouldn't make very pleasant reading nor do I think I want to write it.

Kyle
Just caught up on your situation& sorry to read it

But it's the common theme alot have gone through. All of a sudden "I need space' and "I am confused" and I , I , I......

I went through it and it wasn't as much of a surprise as we had issues in the past but something did spur it on. I was blind to it and stuck my head in the sand but she needed to figure out if she still loved me while she was having some sort of EA with another.

Regardless, it WILL get better. I struggle weekly and have a good week and bad as she set the timetable for a divorce. I kept hoping and thinking this would change but only has gotten worse.

BUT...some positive stories where things have gotten better over time on the boards.

So figure out what you need out of your relationship and how could you improve in the marriage? What is important for you in any relationship and what was missing?

It's lonely, it stinks, its unfair......but right now you can't control her feelings so focus on what you need.

Kyle,

Please seek help for your situation. I know the helpless feelings that you are experiencing 1st hand.
It does get better. But there is work to do. You will do the heavy lifting, you just have to make the decision that you will. Find you"Why" for doing it. Your kids may be a good place to start.

You are getting so much support and advice here. Please do not let it go to waste. Heed the suggestions. They come from people just like you and me that have and are experiencing exactly what you are. Trust me. You need to stand up and take a step now.
One of my favorite quotes during this time is attributed to Winston Churchill,
If you are going through hell, Keep going, this is no place to stop.

Kyle, I am sorry that you are going through so much pain right now.

I understand, I really do.

Early after BD, my mum, kid and I were in the car. I was having a huge row with my mum over how difficult she was making life for me and kid with her bitterness and cruel words. I was at the end of my tether and I just kept crying and shouting at my mum to stop. She didn't and I had this insane urge to drive my car into a tree and end the pain once and for all.

As you can tell by the fact that I am responding to you, I didn't. It was a very dark and painful time. And there are still times like these now.

But I have learned that things do get better. The pain will still be there but with every breath that passes, you will learn that you have survived and you are stronger.

Have you considered taking ADs? They have helped me a lot in taking the edge off the pain. Or maybe you can try st john's wort. They helped me too.

Please take care of yourself first. Do you have anyone you can call to talk to?

Sending you virtual hugs and prayers.

And Kyle, sometimes it may seem discouraging that no one replies to your posts. The threads here move very fast and people may not have seen your thread.

Also, it takes time to grow a network of support but you could do that by responding in other threads. In a way, this helps to take your mind off your own situation and akso helps you see that there are others who are in similar sitchs. People will be able to find your threads and respond more easily too.