Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers First Post - Need help (2)

I don't know really, I just hate the thought of my kids going without I suppose.

Kyle, it sounds like your turning the corner, or at least recognizing that you need to... Baby steps my friend, you can't get where your going if you never start moving forward.

As for helping out, instead of giving money, give the goods your kids need. Bring food for the kids, diapers, toys, whatever they need, just not money. You don't want to support your W in her choice, but you do have a responsibility for your kids.

Kyle, this is great advice. Take it! You're still thinking of the family dynamic, she does not. You are Dad, and will take care of your children.

Agree with coconut's advice. Give in kind.

Truly detaching is hard! It's something I continue to struggle with.

For me, at first even GAL activities that should have been fun were just painful reminders of the absence of the W. Watching a movie solo, or playing an online game with a friend, felt wrong and made me very anxious. Like I shouldn't be doing this... my W should be here too... my marriage is in crisis and I should be doing something to fix it rather than just "wasting time" and having fun! I approached every day thinking what can I do to make things better between us? To make her see the real me again?

It took several attempts before I started to be able to enjoy the non-W activities even a little bit, and it can still be rough. It is still an ongoing process to try and not let her emotional rollercoaster derail my day, and to not plan my actions around her.

It's gotten better, but it's still painfully slow. Wish there was a faster way, but there's no way to get where we need to go without wading through the pain and the [censored]. It's important to remember that we need to get through the pain and the [censored] regardless of what happens, whether we reconcile or move on, so we just need to keep dusting ourselves off and keep getting back up and moving forward.

There will always be ups and downs, but you're more than strong enough to do what needs to be done and get yourself to a better place!

Step 1 is to become the "real you" again.

Theres no value in having her see a half-finished product!

So one text from the W and I'm back in the toilets crying like a baby. She text me to say that the kids can't phone me tonight as she has a 2 hour driving lesson and asked if tomorrow was okay.

I text back that it was fine but they will have to phone before 6 as I was heading out (didn't say where I was going)

My W has knocked me down so many runs of the ladder with one simple text exchange. It's like she can sense when I'm feeling more upbeat.

My W has knocked me down so many runs of the ladder with one simple text exchange. It's like she can sense when I'm feeling more upbeat.

Getting emotional is normal for what you're going through, and it sounds like you handled the situation well regardless. Way to stay mysterious on your future plans!