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@focus22
Yeah, I am definitely going to need God's help with that one

I'd also like to chime in to say do NOT give her that letter. you put your thoughts down on paper, got em out of you, now throw it away. It won't change anything.

Work on yourself, that's the only thing you are in control of. Everything else will fall into place.

You can't control anything she does. That's her jam.

You can only control yourself.

You can do that by *deciding* to take a step back and do absolutely nothing in the moment, for the time being,

That then gives you the space to start to think, to start to process your feelings a bit and to bring yourself back to yourself.

That then gives you a sense of coherence and dignity in this utterly awful situation.

Not to say that it's not really, really difficult. But what are the alternatives? Begging, pleading, losing your sense of self and dignity?

I did that for years. But I've decided I'm worth much, much more than that.

Ok I can hear everyone yelling at me to not send the letter.

Are there any boundaries I can set at this time?

We have a joint checking account. Should I close it?

What about her cell phone? Should I stop paying the bill?

What about the car? Should I stop paying the note?

These thoughts plague me, I don't know how to set proper boundaries in this relationship.

BTW the WW has this master plan:

leave after June 24
Get hired to work in November (she is staff volunteer on a political campaign)
divorce me
run for office in March
make money and live happily ever after

NateM,

So what is your master plan?

Gain Peace of Mind (mental peace)
Pay off debt (financial peace)
Buy 2nd home (first one was foreclosed on, bad loan and bad with money)
raise kids
learn/ practice new hobby (muay thai or brazilian jiu jitsu) (physical peace)
learn to speak Spanish
become better cook
Serve at a new church and work in a new church ministry
Work from home if possible
complete college degree
vacation /camping with family
more family time (family peace)

Oh, in regards to church the WW and I are Sunday School teachers

Focus on your plan.
It is a good one and will help you move in the right direction and heal.

This is the DB way my friend. Focus on you. Be the best man and father that you can be.

I must be really jacked up from this, because in my mind I am thinking I should bust this thing wide open (her A) kick her out, let her deal with the consequences and then she will come to her senses and come back to our marriage and save our family.

I have seen her waiver a few times in the past, now she seems so determined to end the marriage. It is scary and is sending me on a back and forth roller coaster.