M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
The Lost Art of Listening was very helpful to me (I'm better at talking than listening when the emotions hit). The Solo Partner is also good as an LBS resource. Good suggestions. I just finished another one that might help, Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes. Well written and insightful.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I will start Lost art of Listening, as I'm a talker who also suffers (and diagosed) with severe ADHD and have always had a problem with 'interrupting/interruptions'... One of our problems in relationship has been that often times my medication would run dry about the time I was heading home from work, which lead to lots of unfocused conversation, no conversation, random mishaps that shouldn't be done (leaving doors open, leaving milk out, etc etc).
I started taking my meds later in the day and that helped out a lot as I was able to provide a few hours of focused attention to things at hand, but then a new set a problems came about, and now I'm dealing with those.
I'll read Art of Listening, and the Solo Partner next. I know there are "couples workbooks" (like the love & respect workbook, couple's survival workbook, etc), but does anyone know of any that focus on just one spouse in the marriage? I really found the worksheet helpful from the ultimate husband website and want to find more resources similar to that.
And again, she just showed up out of the blue. I'm not gonna lie, she looked good, golf skirt, tank top... whew, it was hard not to start complimenting, but I didn't. She told me the 'yard looks good', I said thanks and asked how she was doing... she responded, "pretty good, and I'm staying at the house tonight, which bedroom do you want?"... I paused for a second, caught me off guard, and said I suppose the master, that's where I've been sleeping.", and there was no response. She grabbed a few things, and said she'd be back later.
It sounds like she's now willing to stay in the same household, at least from time to time. I'm not sure if this is something she's talked to the attorney about in regards to marital property and "who abandons the house", etc. but, now that she's actually planning on staying here time to time, does it matter who's in what bedroom? I honestly don't give a rip about what bed/room I sleep in, but is there any value to the response?
And again, she just showed up out of the blue. I'm not gonna lie, she looked good, golf skirt, tank top... whew, it was hard not to start complimenting, but I didn't. She told me the 'yard looks good', I said thanks and asked how she was doing... she responded, "pretty good, and I'm staying at the house tonight, which bedroom do you want?"... I paused for a second, caught me off guard, and said I suppose the master, that's where I've been sleeping.", and there was no response. She grabbed a few things, and said she'd be back later.
It sounds like she's now willing to stay in the same household, at least from time to time. I'm not sure if this is something she's talked to the attorney about in regards to marital property and "who abandons the house", etc. but, now that she's actually planning on staying here time to time, does it matter who's in what bedroom? I honestly don't give a rip about what bed/room I sleep in, but is there any value to the response?
I will not look into this too much, as I have clue of her intentions, I will be sure to hold no expectations, but just enjoy my time as her staying here as my guest, my friend.
Emotions are stirring a bit, any advice other than READ THE RULES!?
And again, she just showed up out of the blue. I'm not gonna lie, she looked good, golf skirt, tank top... whew, it was hard not to start complimenting, but I didn't. She told me the 'yard looks good', I said thanks and asked how she was doing... she responded, "pretty good, and I'm staying at the house tonight, which bedroom do you want?"... I paused for a second, caught me off guard, and said I suppose the master, that's where I've been sleeping.", and there was no response. She grabbed a few things, and said she'd be back later.
It sounds like she's now willing to stay in the same household, at least from time to time. I'm not sure if this is something she's talked to the attorney about in regards to marital property and "who abandons the house", etc. but, now that she's actually planning on staying here time to time, does it matter who's in what bedroom? I honestly don't give a rip about what bed/room I sleep in, but is there any value to the response?
I will not look into this too much, as I have clue of her intentions, I will be sure to hold no expectations, but just enjoy my time as her staying here as my guest, my friend.
Emotions are stirring a bit, any advice other than READ THE RULES!?
if she plans on staying, her for uunknown time, I might read beyond boundaries immediately...?
If she is staying, keep the MB. She left, not you. And it makes a statement.
Keep the door shut if you don't feel you can control emotions, and read your books. Or go someplace else (gym, run, grocery store, GAL activity, walk the dogs).
Otherwise, be pleasant, make eye contact, listen if she chooses to talk and ...validate her feelings (no buts). Be vague if she asks about your life, don't ask about hers (other than, "hope your day goes/went well").
I think Solo Partner has worksheets after each section. I could be wrong, its been a bit and I had to read A LOT, fast.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I'm good with making the statement, She has SO MUCH STUFF she needs to "get ready" and the guest bath really just doesn't have the capacity haha. I guess, I'll make the statement, and she can figure out what to do about her "getting ready" situation as it deems necessary. I literally cleaned the entire house (excluding basement), top to bottom. floors, glass, mirrors, toilets, baths, etc. If she can't find herself comfortable, nothing I can do about it.
She's starting again with the "you can't honestly expect me to believe xyz, that makes no sense". etc. then followed with "I MAY not stay at the house tonight, but I will be staying there definitely tomorrow and from then on. Pick a bed!"
I responded "I don't expect you to believe me, but xyz is true... I have to run to the grocery for some stuff, need anything? ...and I'll take the Master bedroom. Have fun golfing!"
She texted back just ... "I would like to stay in the master"
I'm all for "making a statement", but it kind of makes sense for me to NOT stay in there, as I'm up at 5AM to workout (which is right next to the guest BR, and I'm noisy in there... but I get the point. hmmmm. My worry about NOT staying in the master, is that it will just be routine that she's in there, and now I have to "ask" to get back in that bed again... and I don't want that.
