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So I got home last night around 9:30pm and W was trying to study. She started talking about how she hasn't got anything done and hasn't been able to focus. I did my best to listen, validate and empathize. But I could have done better. I don't think I did awful, I just think I interjected too much and also hung around conversation too long. I guess this is something for me that is gonna take a lot of work and patience.
Also, why is it when the situation gets like this do I always want to text or talk to W. Here I am at work this morning and I just want to text her and check in.
Before I would never want to all the time.

You feel that you're losing her, she's slipping away and there's nothing that you can do. But really, if I think about my own situation, all that you do is lose yourself.

You hang onto the phone,just to hear her voice. I look at my WW, her skin as she gets done, the curves on her body and I think, that the last time I touched that is most likely the last time ever. It's hard but it's whats necessary for me to survive, and thrive.

Yeah, I understand that
This time around it is different than when I was here a few years ago.
I remember when the first BD was dropped. She wouldn't change it front of me or anything like that
This time around, though we haven't had sex in 6 weeks, she changes in front of me, showers, hugs me, etc

But I know it's the space I need to give her. Even if we were to reconcile tomorrow I know she needs her space and for me to stop smothering. It's just crazy that I just want to try and control her and my environment. That's why I'm working so hard to change my ways.
I don't want to bring those parts of me into any relationship. Whether its a new R with my wife or someone else in future

Ok. So tell me how could have handled this better. A little back story first
My neighbor wanted me to come up to the lake tonight
I decided to go no matter what on Friday as that's part of my GAL
Anyways, I told wife that yesterday and she was upset. I told her you are more than welcome to come. She said no because neighbors wife wasn't going. She then asked about S. I said well if you aren't going is rather him not come so that I can just have a day to relax. She wasn't pleased about it but didn't argue either
Fast forward to this morning.
S asked me when I was going to be home. I told him I was staying with neighbor tonight. He said I wanna stay there, I just wanna be with you
So to avoid any confusing I told him I was going to lake and told him it was daddies only not mommies and sons
Fast forward to tonight I FaceTime son and he sees my neighbors son who is 13
My son is 6
Wife hangs up
Then the following text. This is were I'm wondering how I handled it and could have done better

M: "He knows we are at the lake"
M: "why did you hang up?"
W: "I can't believe you. You packed a bag and snuck out this morning so he wouldn't know then waited until I had to deal with him to let him know. So you can call him and explain to him you are a selfish jerk and didn't want to have to deal with him up there"
M: Omg!
Really! You weren't there this morning when I told him I was going to lake
I told him the truth
Because he thought something else
He was even saying show me the lake while i was talking to him"
M: "I didn't mean for you to have to deal with this
Which is why I told him this morning "
W: "No you told him he couldn't go bc I didn't go. You put it on me. He told me that. And whatever. He didn't know will was there"
W: "I just had to deal with him sobbing to me bc will was there"
M: "I did not tell him that
I would not do that!
I told him daddy was spending daddy time with Mr. David
He then said, "I want to stay with Mr David tonight too. I just want to be with you"
I told him no we were going to lake and that mommies weren't going. Just daddy night
He then said I haven't been to lake in 12 years and I said tonight was just daddies and that he would go plenty his summer including in a couple weeks
He was completely fine"


Anyways. I'm curious about what y'all think how I handled the texts
The 180 I pulled is I would normally get heated and get really mad
But after the last text I sent I let it go
I'm just really pissed because a few weeks ago she goes to a music festival and I watch our son the whole weekend
But I go for one night and want to enjoy the night and day and I'm a selfish jerk
I set a boundary with her on Friday and now I'm hearing shot for being terrible
Go figure

I was building up resentment and anger
And felt like sending a long text
I just sent "goodnight" and will let it go
I'm turning off my phone

I think your W was upset because your S was upset. I am like that too. I get really angry when kid gets upset with xh.

I can see where the confusion might have set in wrt to the daddies only trip. You said daddies only and your S really thought that there would only be you and your neighbour. When your S saw your neighbour's son, he might have jumped to the conclusion that he couldn't go because your W didnt go. Your S probably would have loved to spend the time at the lake with you.

When emotions are running high, everyone gets defensive. Perhaps when emotions have cooled down, you could validate your W's frustrations with dealing with your S. And maybe explain to your S about what had happened in front of W.

In the meantime, enjoy yourself and let everyone cool down.

And good job on not reacting to your W's anger.

That felt good not getting angry.
I typically would have sent text calling her out of hypocrisy
I was glad I was able to stop myself and see it as a growth forward for me

Still at lake. Haven't spoke with W since then
But then the following text exchange happened:

W: "You and Neighbor are responsible for getting meat and a salad for dinner"
W: "Also need two lunchables and some fruit for S"
M: "Huh?
Neighbor W just called neighbir like 20 mins ago and said they were coming up here
I'm confused"
W: "They aren't coming up. Y'all are coming home and cooking dinner. Nothing to be confused about"
M: "Why are we cooking dinner?"
W: "Did you have a rough weekend? Am I asking too much of you?"
M: "I wasn't planning on leaving till 5 or 6"

She has never asked something like this
It seems like some sort of power struggle since I decided to have a me day
Just don't get it
What am I missing? Or am I reading too much into this?

3 steps forward. 1 step backwards
Wife was just being short. Then proceeds to tell me I'm being a jerk and so on
I got upset. Not my usual temper, but still not how I want to portray things at the moment
She was all upset at this son lake thing still.
I told here I'm sorry that it happened that way
I did not intend to upset her or him
She still accuses me of doing something different and saying something different to son
Anyways I got pissed and said what difference does it make
You don't trust anything I say anyways
I also said I'm sick of trying to figure out how to act around you. I'm trying to give you space, you say you want, at the same time balance how to walk on eggshells around you. All the while you tell me what to do like I'm cooking your dinner, etc

I hated that happened. We are all sitting around the deck getting along now, but I'm just trying to keep my patience