i am posting again. i was on this wonderful site about 9 years ago (maybe 10). I did post over in MLC, but I don't think I belong there this time. So where do i belong? Story: We have been married for almost 17 years, we have been together for 19 years, we have 2 children (18 & 16), and we have been thru this before. In the past I thought it was MLC, but now i know as well as himself that his an addict, alcholic. H did go thru an inpatient treatment for this. That was this past October (2015). Things were good when he came out sober. H is drinking again and our life is back to I don't know if ILY, I can't see this working, etc. We are seeing a Counselor together, but I am not sure she is the best, we started seeing this Counselor for help with our 18 yr old to help figure out to co parent her as she is becoming uncontrollable. Then from there things have slid into counselling for us. The Counselor is not a marriage Counselor or even an Addict Counselor, so not sure if the advise/help she is giving is going to help. This is why i turn back to this wonderful support system. I am going to be seeing a Coach and working on myself.
Please help me know if this is the correct place. I am a return newbie. I am aware of a lot of things, but this time around we know it is due to alcoholism so its different.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Cadet, Thank you so much. I am glad that someone is helping me/us thru this. I will start with those threads you suggested and I will go from there. I will go out and read and hopefully be able to post for support and encouragement.
Thanks
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Well I'm confused. Had a great day with H. He took time off work to spend day with me but I had made plans that he didn't know about so I told him I couldn't change my plans. He came to the house and spent the day here anyways. Then we went to the movies,after the movie he said I'm so tired I'm going "home". Gives me kiss and tight hug. H said would be over in the morning before goes to work again I said I have plans. H was shocked, but now I see H didn't go "home" so I'm torn I need to detach but don't know how. I want to go to where H is and pound on the door and scream at him. How to let it go??
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Well I didn't go and pound on the door of where H was. I did go to where he was. I did do wrong I put a note not written in my normal writing on his truck. I called him a cheating @$$hole. I now know that was wrong. How do I detach and smile when I see him. As I don't know if H is having an A. It could have been a house party as my H is an alcoholic
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Tabd, I'm so sorry that you find yourself back here, it is difficult enough to deal with WAS without adding addiction into the mix. I don't know how to advise you in this situation, but I wanted to let you know that I am here, and I'm listening to you...
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Coconut, Thank you for listening and being here for me!!! I am struggling with this too I don't seem to find much out here regarding WAS being an addict. I am trying to figure out is it just the addiction or is it more than that??? I feel worthless and I'm not eating. I'm so worried about what H is doing that I can't sleep. I know others probably feel this way. How do I remember to be strong? I am going to an Al-anon meeting to try and get support forvthat side of things. Hopefully I can get an appointment with my counselor in the next couple of days
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Went to Al-anon tonight. Wow wow wow. Talked about happiness making it ours and detachment. Hmm, didn't realize how DB can work in other aspects of my life too.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
i was on this wonderful site about 9 years ago (maybe 10). I did post over in MLC, but I don't think I belong there this time. So where do i belong? 