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I agree with what he is saying
But unfortunately because of my work schedule and her school schedule that would be as bad as it gets for him.
That's how I'm looking at it
Maybe I should just pull the trigger. I just don't know how to do that at this point with where things are

I *completely* understand your fear! What you're going to do is extremely difficult and it can feel like a "one way door", but believe me it is not. The fact that she texts you during the day and sends you little jokes is great, and that's why you should jump sooner than later.

You don't have to pack all your stuff and move out tonight -- it's more just telling W that this is what you've decided to do. "W it's clear to me that you need some time and space, and I need to feel like I'm valued above all else. Right now neither of us are getting what we need, and I feel like if we keep going the way we're going its just going to make things worse. I'm going to arrange my schedule to give you as much time alone as I can, and I'm going to start working on a separation plan whereby we can live apart. I know that's going to be hard for both of us, but long term it will either be just what we need to bring us back together, or it will convince us that it wasn't meant to be."

Acc

I know you think the timing is bad, but unfortunately the timing is *never* good. There will always be many excuses to "just go one more day" as things are versus shaking things up.

It's a "chips in the middle" move, but if you don't play you can't win.

Acc

Acc. When I pull up the forum board and I see that you posted on my thread I start to cringe. I know I'm about to get hit with the words i need to hear. Lol
You are right. I'm scared. I'm definitely scared of the unknown regardless. But I'm going along as confidentially as I can.
Ive had a lot of people tell me don't leave the house regardless. Including my DB coach. To just back off and give her the space she needs. To treat her like a friend for now and to not bring up any R talk, gifts, compliments, etc
Which is very difficult to do living under the same roof. It's the reason I would want to move out.
Problem is where do I go for that short of a period?
I don't have family members here. All my friends here are married with kids. I wouldn't want to impose.
I don't want to sign a 6 month lease on an apartment
I want my son to be able to see me everyday
It's important to me
So I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to do this
I can't thank you enough for all your input

Just coming to vent for a little bit. I am dealing with a lot of anxiety today over my situation.
I don't know if it was a good idea, but I read all my old posts and it was like reading a journal. So many times I said I would never put my marriage on autopilot if I can't the chance to fix it and I did!!
Rereading all of that made me realize though how long of a journey that was and how long it took to get wife to see reconciliation as possibility.
I will say I am so far ahead of curb this time around. I'm just concerned its too late.
I know moving out would make this easier for me, but it wouldn't make it easier at all on son. He graduates May 25th. I think I'm going to move after that. I'm trying to get a plan together.
Being under the same roof doing this is so much different than the last time
I really need to just try and focus on what I can control and let everything else go!!

It's nights like this that I need to get out of here or I'm going to lose it on her
Or I'm going to lose my sanity.
I got home from work today around 7
She was at neighbors house which they had invited us over. I already had plans to do something with an old friend so I went and met her for a couple beers.
I get back about 9. I go to grab a beer and walk next door. Well W and her friend(the one she sent text to) come walking over
So I go next door for the night.
I get back about 15 mins ago and W and her friend are just hanging out in bedroom together. Meanwhile dog craps on S floor. I clean it up but can find cleaning solution. It's almost as she just ignores me. Understand that I walked all day.
She's just a total witch about it.
Finally I just handle it and then say goodnight girls. Friend says night.
W says nothing
I'm really don't think I can do this this time around
I believe I'm just scared for my son. I'm scared my lifestyle is going to change. I'm scared be alone. All of it.
But I want to be with someone who can make me happy. And I don't think that is W

This week will be a month into this
I feel as if W has distanced herself even more. This is the second time she has had her friend stay the night. Her friend is a lesbian. I'm sleeping in guest bedroom and my W is down the hall sharing a bed with someone else I feel like
This is the same friend she sent the texts about me to.
This first time was two weeks ago and she asked me if it would be ok if she stayed. I said well I guess that means I would need to stay in MBR and friend stays in guest bedroom. Wife says no you would still be in guest room. That did not go over well. I seriously doubt anything is happening, but it's just upsetting to me that someone is sharing bed with my W down the hall
Needless to say two weeks ago I didn't not handle it well at all
Well this time she didn't even ask. I didn't react. Except inside I am steaming.
I even got my son up early to get him out of house because I don't want him waking in the MBR and asking questions
I really don't understand where things are at.
I feel that Accuray is spot on and that I need to get out of here.
But everyone else including DB coach say don't leave the house.
She is either testing me big time or she is just doing her best so that I pull the trigger and she doesn't have to
Only time will tell. We are going to MC Tuesday so I'm doing my best to not say or do anything rash till then

Cbtdad,
Yes friends say goodnight. You can be scared,angry,and hurt. No one can tell you how to feel or when to feel those things.

Ok.
So my next door neighbor gave me some insight he heard last night from my W.
My W told his W and another friend of ours that she's confused at the moment and not sure what she wants. But that the biggest thing that has developed is that she has felt trapped and smothered. My controlling ways of course.
That me not trusting her. Constantly checking up on her, snooping, checking phone bill, asking who is who, etc etc has work her down
So she is right. I haven't trusted her for a while. I was beginning to after the A the last time but a lot 6 months ago another issue popped up that got me in distrust mode again
I realize if I can't trust her we have no R anyways
Oh well back to square one I guess

I'm there with you cbtdad. Why do we not trust, because they have not shown remorse, they have not tried to build the trust.

If we took emotion out of it, it would mean that we would trust them regardless of what they do, where they go, whom they speak to, or what they say. But then how do we justify being distant with them? and how do we justify the stopping of cake-eating?

We are pushing them away by not trusting them, I don;t think that I have the ability to just close my eyes and accept whats happening around me. I don't.

Only problem is that i guess that that is where we need to get to. Trust without questioning and then make decisions based on their actions, without emotions.

As if this situation wasn't hard enough.