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JimKao,

I hear ya on the anxiety when having to see her. No matter how well I am doing I always feel it as well when I have to see or talk to WAW. I really want to get that under control because I know I will function better under fire if I do.

My thoughts on your question are that you should do what you feel is best. What has more value for you. Going home early and documenting of the tasks that you want to finish?

You are in a world now where you get to do what you believe is right and you will benefit from it.

Have a great day my friend.

And here is her response back.

Ok great that's good news about the car. As for the grocery shopping - I just went to Costco the other day you should be all stocked up - at least for the weekend. But if you'd like to go shopping then I suggest you come home and take the kids with you. This is your day to be with them. You could've gone shopping yesterday or now on your lunch break. You don't see me texting you on Wednesday morning telling you, you have to stay around an extra hour before work so I can run to Costco...and I say again I expect you here no later than 4:30 to get the boys off the bus. I have a long drive ahead. I arrive at 7 am 3 days a week for you to go off to work and stay as late as needed. I would like to be extended the same courtesy 2 Fridays out of the month. Thank you.

JimKao,

Breathe. Be aware of what buttons she is pushing. Take some time to separate the emotions from the truth, and then you can respond or follow up as you know is true and right.
We have all been connected to our S for so long that we want to please them, avoid angering them, and help them. But now is the time to recognize the truths and proceed.
As I recently received some great advice, step back and imagine how you would react to a child throwing a tantrum.

I feel your pain, anxiety and conflicts of thought as I am experiencing the same.
Hang in there, the truth will set you free, as no matter what you do now, it will not change her reactions or feelings, so hang in there.

Is this accurate?

I agree with her that if you have a particular time set for changeover, you need to stick to it unless something is arranged in advance. She is not your babysitter.

Yes, stick to the schedule you guys agreed on. Avoid changes unless absolutely necessary for less conflict.
Did you ever find out if your FIL was really having the MRI she told you about?

I work from 8 to 4:30. The car is done today and she wants it back so she can drive to Toronto. Best I can do is leave at 4:30 and go home and she can go pick up the car. I can manage the rest.

You don't have to accommodate her if it is unreasonable. That's why I asked if she was unreasonable. We don't know your situation or schedule so it's hard to have an opinion without knowing more.
And you bending over backwards will only make you resentful and cause tension.

How does she expect you to be there at 4:30 if you work until 4:30?

Jim,
What was the original agreed-upon time for custody exchange? 5pm?

Painter, CWOL,

The agreed upon time was approximately 5:30 pm because work is about a 45 minute to an hour drive for me.

During the week on Mondays and Tuesdays, those are my nights, I get home at 5:30.

Her wanting to leave on Fridays before 4:30 has happened twice now. First time the excuse was her father had an MRI at 645 am on Saturday. No excuse this time. Just wants to leave the state and go GALing.

She just texted me that she is leaving the two little ones with the neighbor and the older 3 are staying in school age care and that I need to be home by 5:45 pm to get the little ones. She is going to pick up the car and leave the van at the collision shop.

Please someone hit me with a 4x4 if I am not being accommodating or amicable with her.

I am not trying to be difficult but this is how she is with everyone she is close with, including her family. No one can ever tell her she is wrong.

I sent her a text saying my work hours are 8 am to 4:30 and she sent a reply asking if I will be home by 4:30 yes or no?

I realize now looking back I have been dealing with this for most of my marriage if not all. I seriously think she has a mental disorder but she will never admit that.

This is why I am fighting for custody of my kids. This is why I chose to not move up to Toronto. The same things that were going on here would happen in Toronto also, she would have been the ultimate cake eater.

I am not looking for any accolades for raising my boys as a single dad, but I am very concerned with her actions and how they will affect the kids.

As the others have said, you meet at the time you originally agreed to meet. You can tell her, "per the agreement, I will be home by 5:30pm."

If she wants to change the agreement, she needs to go through the process and formally make those changes. There's no need for you to bend over backwards for her, especially when you need to work your full hours to get paid the money to support your family!!