Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers What should I be doing? (2)

I have to go to dr apt, but she just responded to text I sent (see wonka so suggestion above), she says:

Yes, I understand that as have yours. You are not innocent in this situation. However, the more I give in to your requests, the angrier you seem to get &I the more uncomfortable you make things for everyone around the house. The only way we can work on things is if you allow us to.

That being said, I cannot continue to have this go on in the house with S. Things need to change or we need to take a break from each other & try to work out our issues separately. This is S house & he WILL continue living there in peace. I will not be leaving my S so if you can't change your behavior then you will have to stay somewhere else until you can act normal.

Ok, gotta go.. Holding off response for awhile, if I respond at all.

Coconut,

It's still all about HER. I wouldn't respond to it at all.

You've made your point and W is still trying to take back control. I'm smiling here. Whatever you do going forward, watch your anger. You can be cool, calm, and collected while being firm. Stay in the house and MBR.

If she pushes you to leave the house, I would say calmly, "I'm staying in my own home. It's non-negotiable. If you have a problem with this, then you'll have to be the one to move out." If she pushes, just say "I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm not going to debate this at all."

You don't need any ego, you need confidence. Ego is driven by a need for reassurance. Confidence comes from yourself. Keep up the GAL, you will get there.

Coconut, I just want to say that I am impressed with how hard you are trying. This is some extremely hard cr-p to deal with! I can see that you are open to feedback and want to do the right thing and get your M back. You are making several changes in a short amount of time.

This isn't easy. Keep posting. Glad Wonka and Sandi are helping and you are trying to take their advice. I see a lot of hope in your sitch, if you can keep at the course. Remember, this could take a looonnng time. Keep up those 180s, GAL, and detach (not ignore her, but breaking codependency).

Keep up the good work! Patience, calm, confidence. You can do this.

-Blu

CRW, your right, wasn't knowledgable about the tru def. of ego, I agree.

Blu, thank u for your support, I've had the benefit of being off since b-drop and I have spent countless hours reading...

Wonka, Thk u so much for your support and guidance, it's invaluable. I can't believe what this must of been like before all the cheat sheets put together.

Sandi, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you holding my hand through this journey, you've been a godsend.. I fully plan on sticking around this site for a long time to come to give others help with the insight I will have as this chapter of my life ends, it will be one of my GAL activities.

Ok, so not exactly sure what happened, but I was gone for about 3 hrs and when I got back to the house I went into the guest room to see the Mother's Day card my W got from my mother, and the room is torn apart. The WW emptied out most of the closet looking through all the storage bins of old photos and memorabilia, not sure what she was looking for, but Im not going to try and read her mind. Then I went into my room and it appears that she went through my nightstand drawers (first time ever, I don't even go in them). Only problem is that my DR book was in there, she definitely moved it but not sure if she paid it any mind.

I'm guessing she came home for lunch and went ballistic, I mean there is a lot of stuff that was moved and looked through, and she couldn't of been home more than an hour or maybe 1 1/2. I haven't responded to her text, and I'm not going to react to this, but I hope to find out one day what it was all about. Just had a thought, I wonder if she went through my drawers looking for the passwords she gave me..

On a side note, dr. Gave me a prescription, said I should be much more stable and out of the (depression) hole in 3 or 4 days. Keeping my fingers crossed... I know there's a long way to go before seeing any resemblance of the woman I married so long ago, but today was the first day that she actually showed emotion, even though it was anger and frustration, it was good to see something. I thought it was funny that my Dr. Kept telling me to just focus on you, GAL and let the chips fall as they may, said id be better in the end however they stack up.

Grab the DR book and hide it in your office. Boy, oh boy your W is off in the deep end because she feels she's losing control over you. Stay the course and keep your eyes wide open. I'll let Sandi swing by here.

Chin up, buddy.

I don't know how you keep from dishing it back in her face when she gives that b.s. about it affecting her son. Just goes to show how she can twist things around, doesn't it? You are the big bad man who FORCED her into an affair. You heard her blame it on you, and until she feels remorse for what she's done......she will continue to find justification holding you responsible for everything bad in her life.

She obviously was searching for something she thought could be in one of those bedrooms, if no other rooms were disturbed. Let me ask you, is there anything in the past that she could use as blackmail to prevent you telling son about her little affair? I get the feeling she was searching for something that had been stored away for some time. But who knows what was going through her crazy mind at the time.

When she was rattling off all the things she had done that you had ask (regarding ending the A), she failed to mention ending contact with OM.......even if she had to leave her firefighter's group. Have you made that perfectly clear to her?

She gave you her passwords, etc. Does she know you can access her phone activity? I mean, she was trying to sound as if she had ended the A and everything else you had wanted, but not a word was said (from either of you) about her continuing to meet and to talk with OM.

Puppy Dog Tails: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...s&page=1209

Sandi,


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Coconut,


Like a dummy I tried to get off my medication after the separation talk came up. I was on 200 mg of zoloft before and I felt like a zombie. I went to the Dr. told her the situation, she lowered me down to 150. Going to try that for now. Hope your meds work out for you.

Wonka, you dang near caused me to have a heart attack... This is kind of comical.. So I was reading on the site, saw you replied to get the DR book out of the MBR and into office, so I go grab the book, throw on sandals to bring it to truck, take one step out the door and guess who comes around the corner... unsure if she saw me, I go back in, run to put the book back and figure I'll just hang in MB when I get a O-$hit moment, my iPad is on the coffee table with MBsite open (that would be bad)... So I bolt into the living room, kick my sandals off on the way, grab the iPad and dive onto the couch and start quickly trying to close screens... Probably looked guilty of some WS activities.. Heart was beating mile a minute, have no idea why she was home 2 hrs early.




Sandi, I originally expressed that I didn't know if I could ever be good with her not cutting all contact, and she said she would resent me if I made her quite.. I got hit with 2x4 for diarrheal of the mouth, and hit again when I proposed my ultimatum, so no, I have not gone back and addressed it specifically, no contact at all or no go. I would like to, because it needs to happen, but not sure when to address, kinda hoping she would get to place that she would offer, but I don't see that happening..

As for the phone records, I don't know if she knows I can check every number, cause the main screen just shows total minutes, and link to view each call is small... Now I don't have concrete proof it's OM (I've nvr called him), but it is the only number that calls last over 5 minutes, they last 30 or so, and range drom 8 am to 1130pm.

And as for not spewing back about S, you said they don't think logically, so what's the point.. I know, and more importantly my son knows, that we have the best relationship ever (and we've always been very close), but as he's growing into a man, he really respects my life lessons (hope I don't have to give him one on D)😓

So today I was a little more cordial, I said hello goodbye and we talked a little about sons schedule. I read somewhere to treat WW like you would a sister, nice but no explanations needed, is that a fair goal?