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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...866#Post2674866

Did not get good news yesterday from L. Very slim chance that I will be able to keep my home unless some miracle happens with the psychologist and judge.

Miss having my boys with me. I am motivated to do things around the house when they are here. Not so motivated when they are with WW. Stayed in bed all morning, not really thinking of anything. Had a bowl of cereal for lunch. Plan on pulling some weeds this afternoon to keep me busy and then go see my parents for a bit. Books were delivered today also. Plan to start reading those tonight also.

I had the perfect life, nice house, beautiful wife and kids and one action triggered this to become a complete disaster.

WW was so close to getting what she wanted and she is also contributing to throwing it all away. I am baffled that she does not see this. Maybe she does and doesn't care. Maybe she is more determined to find an OM that will give her more than what I ever did. Not mine to worry about.

JimKao just remember no matter how much your W might seem like she has it together. She is struggling as well. She doesn't have it together either. That I can pretty much guarantee. That's what I try to remember. It's shitty that our Wives would chose this and make our families lives hell. Stay focused on you and your boys!

Not being motivated for a day or two are good rest days. You have to relax too. It's good for your mental and physical health. Stay strong and keep posting. Still follow you and pulling for you to come out of this on the other side.

Hey, I've not really read much of your thread- but just some drive by support. I agree with Nate- as much as she may appear that she is happy or holding things together, she won't be. Not at all. You are the one with your head screwed on here, the reliable strong figure. Focus on that for the sake of you and your boys.

Ww will be all over the board, and they will sense that. I swear kids have an extra sense when it comes to parents. Especially their moms, they sense the anxiety and stress.

Consider it just one of those days, then pick yourself up the next.

Keep strong

JimKao,

Keep the PMA my friend. I know that it is difficult to have the world that we worked so hard to create, pulled out from under us. But I know that a great many success stories come from folks that have had the same happen. Maintain the hope and faith, that with some work, regrouping and being the best that you can be, things will work out moving forward.

One of my favorite aspects of DBing is the "act as if". I have spent to much time in my life acting as if the worst things would happen, and often it never does and in other situations it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Keep your head up, act as if and put one foot in front of the other.

Sending you positive energy and support.

JKao

It is ok to think about the "life you had" and what should have been. And you say perfect but really think was it? I have the same thoughts as you often and today I was the only single parent from our neighborhood at a town fair and it really hurt and I was like "this [censored]...why is it like this...what happened to my perfect life?"

But for me reality was it was far from perfect and she brought me down into a rut in many ways. So was your W perfect and treated you how you want to be treated?

You will get "yourself" back. Don't expect too much so soon. I am in the same boat with you in being down and up and down and wanting my fun self back. My daughter asked me today why I was so sad lately? We haven't told her yet. You can't be a rock and expect to bounce back and be happy all of a sudden.

I don't like the time heals wounds thing but it is so true. My STBX filed in Janauary and we have been in the same house battling thru this for months...and me suspecting their is a PA when she has vehemently denied it for 6+ months. I believe in Karma and if you have done right by yourself , for your kids and your wife in the past.....good things can happen in the future for you. Keep the faith and your a good person.

Jim, how will you lose your home? From what I understand, you had a contract to sell it but cancelled, and the buyers have sued? That wouldn't involve the psych evaluation, though...?

Jimk

Sorry your down today. It wasn't one action. It's two people with their own issues and dysfunctions struggling to get through the stresses of life.

I don't have any advice. Just sorry your going through this. It's tough when kids not around.

J

Painter,

Yes, buyers have sued, my L is going to argue to delay the sale if not dismiss based on the outcome of the psych eval and how this will affect the boys.

W returned home last night with the boys. This morning I sent W a text asking her to write check to play cleaning lady. I also asked her if she would take out meat from freezer to thaw so I can cook dinner tonight if she chooses not to cook for boys.

She sends me the following text.

I don't understand why these things weren't done yesterday. You were here over the weekend. You could have pulled the steak and put it in the fridge and could have written the check. It's not that I'm choosing not to make dinner. These are your nights. You get home early enough that you have time to make the dinners and pack their lunches for the next day. Also, please put out their clothes the night before too.

How do I respond to her text?


I could understand if she were working but all she is doing today is going to the gym and helping the boys with their homework when they get home from school. All the boys clothes are washed and put away. There is literally nothing else to clean in the house today.