Hi all thanks for the advice. Strange turn of events , WW was supposed to be collecting D11 from outside the house today but decided to come in. I went into the kitchen and asked was she staying and she replied she wasn't sure I said let me know as I would go out and she answered a bit nasty with ' do what you want '
I spoke back in the same terms and told her that her pointing out to me on text the day before about her not staying on Fridays would upset D11 was not on as she chose to have OM move in and that stopped D11 going down I then asked about the money she is still getting from the family and would we get that back as she now had two incomes. WW said she was only letting him stay short term as the council would re home him soon
I then asked about divorce and she said she wanted to wait until the full five years but would agree to a legal seperation. She then asked what that would entail. I explained that the house would be held for a few years for the kids to grow up and the monies would be sorted including a small pension of about 75 k that I have. She said she didn't want the pension money as it was mine and if the court awarded it she would give it to the kids
We talked for a while and several things were discussed but the upshot is we will no longer talk She will come to the house when I'm not there to see kids and no more staying over
Vanillia. I do understand what your saying but it's very hard to see someone you were with for 26 years at such a low point in their lives I do know it's self induced and I had to take a stand re my involvement with her but all I wanted to do was hug her. I did tell her she needed to see someone but it was her choice and no one could help her.
I worry that she appears to have no real support and forgetting any R with me , how this turn out for her
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
An attack of spew from your W. Now, this makes more sense (with regard to your letter) as it is a protection mechanism for your children. As I see it, your kids have made a decision not to see your W whilst she is 'involved' with OM. I'm no expert, but I can see this going two ways.
The first is that your W really doesn't care about the outcome of your M and has simply been cake eating whilst having some kind of R with OM. On this outcome, she will continue as she is and you will become D'd.
The second outcome will give a jolt to W, possibly pulling her out of the fog and a realisation that she is losing her entire family for the sake of some strange obsession with OM. This could lead to R (your choice) and a piecing together of the fractured family.
I do agree with you that while ever OM is staying with your W (if it be an EA, PA or friendship) there can be no R and you have every right to push for a D so you can finally have some peace and live your life, without worrying every day about W.
My last piece of advice, old pal, is to just hold tight for a few more days. Let the events of the past couple of days mature in your W's mind.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Thanks Huddy , the convo was long and she told me she has sold all her jewellery from the last 25 years and cashed in her bonds to survive She looks an absolute wreck and I truly feel for her
The kids are adament re OM and he's got plenty of his own issues
I've cut the rope so must move forward. I showed her the letter on my phone and the tears were pouring down her face as she read it. I can't see her coming out of this so as the wise Lady V says I need to let her go for both our sakes
I really appreciate you support and input today. Thank you
Morning RD, I'm just checking in on you as I know it's been a tough few days. I see you had another convo with your W. ((((Hugs))))
I can understand why you felt you needed to cut the rope, and it must be hard to do, given that she doesn't seem to be in the best place. I think we always need to aim for a balance of compassion and standing up for our own interests and wellbeing.
It's been a trying time, so try and let things settle a little and then you could start taking steps to formalise your S arrangements perhaps?
I hope you have some lovely weather too today and can relax and enjoy a sunny Sunday with the family.
Take care x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto. Thank you for checking in. It is really tough , when WW is standing in front of me , she is obviously a very sad lady. It's hard to see her that way because I've never seen her like this before It was a long convo and she was telling me that she needs to see a doctor for a kidney infection Over here that cost 60 euro and I left the 60 euro on the table for her when I left.
Sot to , I know that's not DB but even though the M is dead and buried I do believe that she is depressed and I can't not help when she's standing I. Front of me
Now we've agreed no contact I'll not be able to see her and that should help me but I still worry about fragile state.
It was her choice to leave, her choice of OM, her decisions for alcohol, drugs and using her time wastefully.
Somethings are not her choice, her wonderful children struggling with her choices and then saying enough, her soft daft husband saying enough and her poor body saying enough.
Much as you love your WW the faster that rock bottom comes then the less the damage to her, you and the children.
I am glad you showed her your letter RD, there is something in black and white which stimulates the mind and makes things tangible. It says exactly what you want it to say and is precise and you have carried this as a burden for twelve months.
You can put that burden down now and move on to putting down the next one.
There is nothing that you can do for WW, there may come a time when her depression is too much for her and she will need more structured help. That is above your pay grade and hers. OM will be of little use.
Let go and let God.
There are too many choices for Join in I guess so I am clueless, I am white van woman so it's the ferry for me.
Speak soon I trust.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
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