Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Started to think my wife is having an affair?

No one chooses to live in limbo. This sounds like cake-eating to me.

Do you have access to her phone records online? If so, take a look and see if she's been calling/texting with someone regularly. Don't let her know that you're investigating. The fact that she always has her phone with her or face down is telling that she is hiding something.

"Do you have access to her phone records online? If so, take a look and see if she's been calling/texting with someone regularly. Don't let her know that you're investigating. The fact that she always has her phone with her or face down is telling that she is hiding something."

I totally agree with the cake eating. I attend to end that part in our next session with MC
I do have access to our phone bill. This has been one of the things that has driven her crazy. Since she has started working in the EMT field ive let some of my trust issues get the better of me and checked the bill all the time and questioned "whats this number" "whos that", etc and so on. I've been very stupid in that regard over the past 6 months. At first she would just show me her phone and say look for yourself. But now she has gotten agitated by it. I know it feels controlling. Shes complained about it to some of our neighbors that we are really close to. Btw, they do not think anything is going on with her. And there definitely aren't any suspicious texts, but then again in the day of this age with imessage I cant see who she is texting all the time. There aren't phone calls that are suspicious at all either. Just a few from work people here and there and not a lot of same ones and they only last a few minutes.
The trust issues I have from the last time I worry could be causing the anxiety this time around. I mean her phone is up right a lot as well its not as if its always face down. She lets me talk to her over her shoulder while shes texting sometimes, but other times its like she moves the phone away or am I just reading into that because of my trust issues? That's what is driving me crazy. I feel like there could be something going on, but then I feel like I could creating this in my head because of the previous time
One thing she said in the first MC session when I joked about having a "hall pass", she said, "you do that, see what happens"
I don't know. I do know Im confused as hell about it all

I don't think it's your trust issues. I think she's up to something and since you've asked her about phone numbers, it's likely that she's using another method/app for communication.

In my experience, a remorseful wayward spouse will do anything to help their partner trust him/her again. They won't get agitated. They don't hide their phone at all. They are an open book about everything.

Keep your eyes and ears open.

"In my experience, a remorseful wayward spouse will do anything to help their partner trust him/her again. They won't get agitated. They don't hide their phone at all. They are an open book about everything.

Keep your eyes and ears open."

I am definitely keeping my eyes and ears open.
She was an open book for a couple years after we reconciled.
But I couldn't seem to let anything go again after she started working in the EMT field. I read so many horrible stories about paramedics and fire fighters and infidelity that I consumed myself not trusting her again for a while.
Like I said my intuition says I think so, but a lot of other things say no to me.
I guess only time will tell and I will continue working on me in the mean time

Ok. Wife and I spoke this morning. I'm still unsure as to what is going on and whether or not she is talking to someone or seeing someone.
We had a very good conversation and I told I was done living in limbo. I'm not going thorough this again. Last time around I feel like I took responsibility for the affair and blamed myself. I will not do that again. I told her I'm no longer willing to an in home separation. She either puts back on ring and I move back in to MBR or I'm moving out.
I'm done living in limbo walking around each other in the house acting like there aren't any problems. Her biggest fear is that I'm a salesman and I will just say and do what she wants for a few months, but it really won't last. I told her my fear is that I can't trust her. So we both have issues we are worried about. But I told to act like they don't exist and not work on it as a couple is something I won't do this time around. I will continue to work on myself individually with or without her.
But I'm not letting her cake eat any longer
Guess we'll see what is next

How did she respond to this?

"How did she respond to this?"

She said just doesn't have any answers at the moment
She wants to get some advice from MC next week
She worked from 6pm-6am last night and I had to get ready for work so I just said, "you want to just keep living like this for another week is what your saying?"
She said no it's 6 days Lol
I said clearly you are exhausted go to bed
So it was left open ended I guess

How does this:


reconcile with this:


What is your plan now? You laid out your boundary and she is stepping over it.

My plan is when I get home from work and she still wants me sleep in guest room I will go to a hotel.

Hello cbtdad,

I am sorry that you are finding your way back to this website again. Feelings of mistrust and suspicion are not healthy in your marriage.

I suggest you do some immediate damage control. Please call me to discuss our coaching program. The advice you will receive will be invaluable. Learn what to say and do, in a positive, productive manner. We can help you save your relationship from any future disappointments. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004