Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Headed for D - Trying to move on

Any thoughts on whether or not I should get WW flowers from the boys for Mother's Day? They made cards for her and she it taking them to Toronto this weekend.

I sent her authorization paperwork to take them over the border and wished her a Happy Mother's Day and received no response.

If there is ever to be even a cordial friendship it will not happen for many years after the D is finalized.

It's only been the 3rd day and I miss my boys.

Since she will be gone this weekend, I have lots to do around the house to keep me busy. Will try and get together with some friends also and get my mind off of her.

Still hoping she will get out of the fog but I truly think that she feels entitled to be an SAHM. She does not acknowledge any changes I have made anymore. In my heart I am more content and happy with who I am but still sad that she is not wanting to keep the family together.

I ordered some books, 2 arrive tomorrow, No More Mr. Nice Guy and Rebuilding Trust "Not just Friends". Plan on reading these over the next couple of weeks.

It continues to drive me crazy that I could have done what DB coach suggested and moved up to Toronto. Would it have been a positive relationship with WW, yes, and it would have been major cake eating also.

I would be living the rest of my life taking the boys every chance that I could just so she could play SAHM. I don't think this would be good for me long term, I would always be hoping she would come back. I would probably feel the same way I do now, just getting through the day and feeling happier when I would be with the boys.

I guess I have always had a low self esteem, never given myself enough credit. I need to figure out how to get the fun loving person I once was back.

JimKao,

Don't be so hard on yourself. Easy for me to say since I do the same thing as do most of us on here.

I would ask your boys if they want to give mom any other gifts and then assist them in getting them. The flowers you suggested would really be from you, and my opinion is that she would know that and it would give her another chance to twist it into thinking poorly of you. When she is in this fog it is tough because you can't do anything right in her mind.

Focus on you and becoming a great dad. Maybe get a book on parenting during a divorce. This is a critical time for your boys.

JimKao,

I want to echo tjcran. Don't be so hard on yourself. All the woulda, coulda, shoulda's will not benefit us now. Also there is no proof doing those things would have changed any outcomes. Focus on the moment and make yourself a better person for the future.
You are doing the right things to learn, and hopefully put into practice steps that will do this for you.
For those of us in these situations our depression is based on our past mistakes and the anxiety is based on letting our past paint our future. The reality is that if we learn from the past, act differently in the present, then our future will be brighter.

Let the boys decide on the Mother's Day gifts and let them put there love into it with your support but I agree don't send flowers if they would be from you.

Keep your head held high and that will be the beginning of getting that self confidence back.

Have a good day my friend.

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