Well here is some back ground on my sitch. Im 28 W 27 we have one D she is almost 7. Feb 7 W said that she wanted a D and I found DB on the 9th of FEB and have been DBing ever since. Throughout our entire marriage it has been Sex Starved. When we were dating that was a completely different story. I got what I needed when ever I wanted. So I have been trying to figure it out ever since. When I ran accross DB I also ran across SSM and have been trying to put those princples together ever since.
I'm also wondering if hormones could be the problem? I'm never at my best the week before my period starts... feel irritable, bloated, sweaty, tired... (TMI, sorry! ). If not, there is definately something under her skin!
I wish I had some good advice for you, but I'm really just figuring out my own way here recently. I can tell you that when I'm P***ed off about one thing, and it may not be my H, I used to carry that anger around and it would seep into everything I did. I'm sure my H had no idea what was wrong, but he probably assumed it was something he did. It never solved the problem, but I would make the decision to be angry and wouldn't give up.
As for what would help... usually H would ignore me, and I'd get tired of being angry. I'm not sure if your W will get tired of it, but perhaps try to carry on as if you are not even aware of her mood, as if you are happy no matter what.
I'm of course no expert... just a LD woman trying to make the leap to HD, or at least MD(moderate drive!).
Well I have a little more information. I was talking with my MIL yesterday she invited to have dinner at there place. So she and I are talking and she is saying HOW HAPPY my W is telling her that she is. Im sitting there thinking well great i'm glad she is so happy while im just dieing inside. I mean the last week I just want to scream you are killing me and run away from my W.
I want to go and find a woman than that is sexual, isn't scared to get down and dirty. Will want to do all of these sexual things together.
So I have just realized that I am like 5th on my W priority list. First is SLEEP, Second IS TV. Third IS sleep, 4th is D and then there is little old me. Man am I tried of this crap. I want to big old number 1. I just feel so damn tired of dealing with her and her I don't want to be touched bull Sh!t. Im tired of feeling like everything has to be perfect for me have a chance to ML.
Tell us how you REALLY feel, Lee. j/k I hear you. My W actually touched my back in the middle of the night. I know it wasn't accidental because she had just gotten back into bed after a trip to the toilet. Wow...not sure when the last time was that she did that, but I felt mixed...nice that she was touching me, pissed that it is so rare, knowing that if I turned around and touched her she would withdraw. It's frustrating, isn't it?
Im just tired of it all. Trying so hard to make this thing better but then NOTHING from W. I tell her the other I need to be hugged and kissed and loved. She tells me Oh well go find some one to touch and kiss you. As soon as she needs me to do something for her. Like she asked me to stay home from work yesterday and I did this so she can get that ALL important sleep. So I did this and then I just get crap. I am really thinking about just going and getting the BIG D. It is becoming harder and harder for me to take this when I know there are women out there that want to be touched and loved.
Ok, so technically I'm not supposed to be hanging around here. Damn this site is addictive. Enough about me.
Quote: Oh well go find some one to touch and kiss you
Lee, It sounds like there is a MUCH bigger problem than the physical intimacy. Granted, we HDs all need sex to keep us focused on the repair of the other areas and I hate the suggestion that you have to repair a,b,c,d and e just to get to F. But it really sounds like some of these things need be repaired simultaneously and the process needs to be laid out with W first. My W acts oblivious as well but I'm finally getting her to admit that there are some "cracks" in the foundation...not just a lack of desire. The other thing that can be causing this delusional state in your W is that she might be scared to address R problems because it will require her to address "something" deep inside her.
If she truly told you to find somebody else to provide this for you, then that would indicate a pretty serious issue. I would not approach her now over that comment but I would wait till she says something like that again and really ask her to qualify that. Ask her if she's serious. Man, that's a tough one because in some ways she "askin' for it". Maybe she's looking for an excuse to validate her feelings. Pushing you towards a PA would completely provide her with an excellent excuse to become permanently "frigid".
Hey wait a min...do you live in Utah? Can't you get another wife while keeping the one you have?
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Lee why did you have to stay home from work so W could sleep? Maybe you should have said, "well find someone to come be here so you can sleep" I know that would have been the wrong way to react to her request, but don't ya just feel like giving them what they give you sometimes? Is it a full moon or something? We all seem to be in weird moods today.
I have been in pain all week with an infection in the root of a tooth, so have not really been too interactive with H. Let me ask how some of you would have reacted to this............. Several months ago, when H first said he wanted to make things better between us, one evening we were going out to dinner, but that morning he stuck his (you know what) in my face and wanted a BJ. OMG!!! I was not going to argue, he had not initiated anything remotely resembling sex in almost 5 yrs. So I abliged him. With zest. During this he made a comment that I would get mine later that day after we got back from dinner. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm you can imagine how I was fantasizing most of the day and during dinner thinking about it. Well, when we got back he prompltly settled down on the couch and fell asleep watching tv. I didn't say a word, just went to bed when it was time. Now, fast forward to last night. I had left work early to go to the dentist, only to sit there for an hour and a half before I could even see the dentist, then sat in the pharmacy for an hour waiting for an RX. After getting home, I was changing my clothes, H comes over and fondles my breasts, makes a comment something like he wants to play with those this weekend. UMMMMMMMMM is that anything like how I would get mine after dinner that night? there has been no anything since then. I just didn't say anything. I was kind of mad thinking about it. Any thoughts there?
Quote: I have been in pain all week with an infection in the root of a tooth, so have not really been too interactive with H. Let me ask how some of you would have reacted to this............. Several months ago, when H first said he wanted to make things better between us, one evening we were going out to dinner, but that morning he stuck his (you know what) in my face and wanted a BJ. OMG!!! I was not going to argue, he had not initiated anything remotely resembling sex in almost 5 yrs. So I abliged him. With zest. During this he made a comment that I would get mine later that day after we got back from dinner. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm you can imagine how I was fantasizing most of the day and during dinner thinking about it. Well, when we got back he prompltly settled down on the couch and fell asleep watching tv. I didn't say a word, just went to bed when it was time. Now, fast forward to last night. I had left work early to go to the dentist, only to sit there for an hour and a half before I could even see the dentist, then sat in the pharmacy for an hour waiting for an RX. After getting home, I was changing my clothes, H comes over and fondles my breasts, makes a comment something like he wants to play with those this weekend. UMMMMMMMMM is that anything like how I would get mine after dinner that night? there has been no anything since then. I just didn't say anything. I was kind of mad thinking about it. Any thoughts there?
Annette
I wish I had an Idea on this, because it might give me some insight on what is going on. My W does the same type of crap. She ohh wait till I give you yours and then she never does. Because I have allowed her to do this. She now can let me down as much as possible. Because Im not important enough to tear herself away from Jay Leno.
). If not, there is definately something under her skin! 
(you know what) in my face and wanted a BJ. OMG!!! I was not going to argue, he had not initiated anything remotely resembling sex in almost 5 yrs. So I abliged him. With zest. During this he made a comment that I would get mine later that day after we got back from dinner. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm you can imagine how I was fantasizing most of the day and during dinner thinking about it. Well, when we got back he prompltly settled down on the couch and fell asleep watching tv. I didn't say a word, just went to bed when it was time. Now, fast forward to last night. I had left work early to go to the dentist, only to sit there for an hour and a half before I could even see the dentist, then sat in the pharmacy for an hour waiting for an RX. After getting home, I was changing my clothes, H comes over and fondles my breasts, makes a comment something like he wants to play with those this weekend. UMMMMMMMMM is that anything like how I would get mine after dinner that night? there has been no anything since then. I just didn't say anything. I was kind of mad thinking about it. Any thoughts there?