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Hi Mleigh, I thought it was interesting that your H didn't really respond to the parts of your message that were all about you wanting to move on at some point - and possibly meet someone else? At least he didn't respond directly - though he warmed right up and came over and was Dad to your S, took you up on your offer etc.

He may not be ready for more than that at this point - but he doesn't really sound ready to lose you either. JMHO of course.....:-) x

Hi Sotto. He didn't address me whatsoever! It was all about hurting S, nothing about me. I noticed that too, and am thinking he just is still not ready to address our M or me. It's like I don't exist is his world, I am just a part of S. And again, there is only so long I can accept that. I deserve much better.

I misunderstood him or something, his plan for Sunday was to pick up S, not hang out with us. S and H both said they don't know where I got that from. H came to get him, but again hung out for over an hour doing stuff on his iPad, we all sat at the table doing our own thing. H mentioned changing the joint card to just my name because he gets confused about using the points we earn and how to split them. At first it stung, we use the points for family things, but that faded quickly and I said sure, whatever.

Once they finally left, they were hungry so I sent them off with pizza and drinks, I got ready, picked up friend, and we headed to the beach. It was 80 degrees, just beautiful, and I so needed it.

mleigh,
I would like to see you continue to think outside the box for a while. You've grown by leaps and bounds, but your h is still very much a part of your current life. It's easier to miss something if it's not always readily available and hopefully, if he does, he'll want to be there far more in the future and appreciate all that you do not only for yourself and your son, but him as well.

I would suggest detaching just a wee bit to see if the moth will gravitate toward the candle (you).

I am with you Job, the space he has taken back in my head is getting annoying. I don't know what happened, he keeps popping in my mind way more than he was a while back. I need a break from this.

My goal: I have to see him tonight to drop off S. After that, I don't need to see or talk to him for the entire week and weekend. I am going to do my best to brush away any thoughts and to not talk about him during that time. H and his MLC seems to be dominating my world these days and it shouldn't.

Last post for the day, to vent, then no more all week! And I am starting my week of NC with a bang!

H decided to pick up a doghouse from a friend. He has mentioned it, asked if I wanted it first, then decided he would take it. Apparently he has been putting it off and MUST pick it up tonight. This was going to throw off my plans so I called him and asked him, can't this wait until tomorrow? He said no, he promised he was going to get it tonight. I let him know, that was unfair to me, to not check with my plans first, not to mention that doesn't get him home with S until 7:00, then he has homework and dinner to still do with S. I told him S is starving as it is when I get him at 5. So then H started in with that is S fault because he doesn't eat his whole lunch. I told him whether he does or not, they eat at 11:30, what do you expect? We went back and forth until I finally snapped and said the whole thing is stupid, waste of time to argue about a stupid doghouse for a dog he doesn't even have. Just go get the dumb thing, I will take S shopping with me, and I will get him something to eat to hold him over until he can eat dinner.

S heard some of this, so I made sure to assure him that he is not the problem here, that I am upset because I hate knowing he has to eat and do homework so late. He said, we don't usually eat until 8:00 anyway. Sigh.

Bottom line, I can't tell my H how to handle his nights with S, just as I don't want him telling me. But I hate that S does not have the routine and structure there that he has here. Not much I can do about that, is there? I am also tired of H putting himself first.

As I am writing this, I get the follow up blast from H, asking what lessons get learned from a kid growing up not having to do things he doesn't want and facing the consequences of being hungry before dinner. (Huh?) He goes on and on, I just skimmed through his nonsense. He threw in his sarcastic so sorry for messing up your plans tonight! You have no idea how much I want to point out the consequences S is suffering on a daily basis because of his self centered, narrow minded ass of a dad! Ooohhh, or maybe I should respond with an Mleigh question!? Why are you so upset? Tell me, why does it upset you so much when I show normal motherly love and concern for my S?

No Job, don't worry, I won't.......although my question is very tempting to send......Phone is away from me and I will not respond. I think that will irk him more than any truth dart I can give.

Here is to 7 H free days. Oh Hawho, I wish we were closer so we could celebrate that come Wed. when your H leaves!

He is still going. I remember when I was venting at him, I told him he is so out of touch with reality of time. (What he says takes 10 minutes, takes 30) He kept insisting hooking up his trailer and getting the doghouse would take 10 minutes! Not! It put him behind an hour, exactly what I expected!

Anyway, he is going on, saying he hopes S didn't hear me saying he is out of touch with reality (I guess he didn't hear "with time"), that he is not perfect, he is doing his best, trying to teach S to be a better person. He went on to say he is not looking to be S friend right now, that will come later, right now he is the parent and that's "harder than going out of my way to be his friend when he has so much to learn and especially when he's learning who he will become when it really matters"

Sound like projection?

How weird that he is picking up a dog house for a dog he doesn't have. Ugh. Gotta love the mind of the MLCer.

Boy, does he sound like a kid with his concept of time. Funny the way he thinks everything takes 10 minutes. Like a pre-teen who waits to the last minute to study and thinks it'll just take 15 minutes. And of course, the way he puts his wants first and then says there is some "lesson" in there for s is laughable! They sure do need to make themselves feel good about whatever it is they decide to do.

Even if your s ate two lunches at 11:30 he would probably still be starved by 7:00. Odd he would blame s (saying he should learn consequences) for this as it's a pretty basic need to be fed.

I understand the vent. I really do. And the idea of living close enough to celebrate sounds great! Starting Wednesday I am doing an MLC detox!

Hi Mleigh
7 H free days will do you good I'm sure. You deserve the break .
I have 2 dogs and no dog house. Weird that picking up the dog house is so important. He probably promissed the person who is getting rid of it a while ago and they are just getting tired of waiting so they are pressuring hiim. The 10 minute time frame is funny. My STBXW is the same with time. We need to invent a MLC watch that runs slower than real time. This way an hour out time matches their mins. What do you say? Partners :-)

Enjoy your break

Irish

Can I get in on the MLC watch invention? Besides running slower than real time, can it randomly change the date as well? Or have a talk back feature that sings out "death is nigh!" "Or you're getting older and grayer day by day" every hour? Oh, wait. Is the watch for us or them?

Take time to enjoy your H-less days. Breathe deep and let it go. Have some fun!

Lol. A MLC watch would be great, it will also feature the "blame" button because it is everybody else's fault that time got away from them or if they were late!

Confession time....I sent a question. Only because I promised myself I would stand up for myself the next time he attacked my parenting, which he did, saying I revolve everything around S. AND since we are on a roll getting things off our chest.

I kept it short and sweet. Said sorry for getting so upset about the change of plans, to give me more notice next time so I have time to adjust my own plans if needed. I also said my main concern was about S not eating or getting homework done until late0. I said I will not apologize for being a nurturing, loving, caring mom to my son who puts her child's needs first and wants structure and routine for him on school nights. It's a natural instinct for a mom, unfortunately not all. So let me ask you, why is it, you think, that you get so angry at me for being such a caring mom to your son? It's been going on since he was born and seems to be a deep issue you have with me. I think you are taking it out on the wrong person. Just my two cents.

I have been wanting to say that for years. Like I said, I am ready to get it all out there, no longer scared of the consequences. I think I have pretty much said all I wanted to get off my chest, it feels really good.

Ok deep breath and yes, ready for a break now. Enjoy your day