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This is proof that she is still in the fog, and so are you. A person cannot "get" another person out of the fog. You've got to do it yourself. I asked what your wife has done to show you that she's out of the fog... you didn't mention ANY actions in your list. We can all say the things our partner wants to hear, but to actually DO them is another story. A bigger step.

The fact that she wants to see OM again and is making plans to do so is very telling.

I agree with everything darknes said. What are you doing for you???

That doesn't mean that you might not want one. She has to know that. She has to know that her actions might come with severe consequences. Consulting with a divorce lawyer might bring her the rest of the way out of the fog. My own wife assumed I was a guarantee so even after she got busted and ended her A's she still treated me with much disrespect and waffled on whether we were "meant to be" (<== huge load of crap btw). What finally sobered her up completely? I got a lawyer, filed for D, and had her served. That blew her mind. She went from a fence sitter to suicidal levels of remorse and realizing the devastation her actions were about to bring into her life. Just because you consult a lawyer, or even file, doesn't mean you have to see it all the way through. What it does tell the WS is how serious they screwed up and that it might ruin their life.

Again DDJ, I agree with what you are being told. It is especially difficult still in the same house, my WW was all over the place and would seem like she was getting a dose of reality but will the next day push the kids a side, lie to us all and go see the OM for a bit. My WW has been in her fog for over a year now, she thinks she put him aside and committed to me but reading here has shown me she hadn't done any where near the work she needed to do. Only she can do it, you can't push it, something I look back on and see I was guilty of. I tried pushing it along and made it worse, now I understand the need to detach and stop trying to figure out what she is thinking or doing. It is hard, I still have bad days especially when I miss my kids but I see how necessary it is. Focus on you and you alone, she is being selfish, you need to be to. It's a very strange mentality for me as I have regularly put friends and family first but it is now the time for you.

This may work or it may not. I would not go down this road until you know that you will see it through to the end. This isnt a bluff or a ploy to get her to reconsider.

In my opinion, until you want to get a divorce, dont file for divorce.

No bluff. It's a guaranteed cure for fence-sitting/limbo, which is soul-crushing. I agree that it should not be used lightly. I was fully ready to move on. Limbo is no way to live for anyone. It's way too unhealthy. Each person reaches their limit of limbo in their own time. Some let it destroy them. I almost did. Now I recommend to keep limbo as short as possible. They either fish or cut bait. Filing cures limbo.

DDJ, forget about "fog" for right not. With a wayward, it is more complicated. Waywardness is a mindset, and although you may see glimpses of your old W surface.........she still has a wayward mindset. She made that quite obvious by wanting to continue seeing OM and using the excuse for "closure". The only way she can end it is to cut all contact immediately.

Word of caution about using DBing terms you pick up on the board and then turning around to say to your W. Use your normal language with her. If she thinks you are repeating something you've read, it will not sound authentic to her ears.

Please slow down and just take in the information you need to learn about DBing, and in particularly your WW situation, before you make things even more complicated.

Hi all, I went to the dealership today to start the ball rolling in trading in the car, so that we could get two cars. She told me that she's realising that its actually going to end, and this is the first step, and she feels helpless - welcome to the party.

Tomorrow i need her to draft a letter for her to transfer our house onto my name. so she wont have a car or a house at all. I am pushing for a separation so that we can have time to think and i told her that i want her out by the end of May.

As you all can see, i'm an extremely impatient person, i really cant help myself. Please don't give up on me yet. But i know that i need to detach more, focus on me, and wait until i get the right answers to the following questions:

Do you love me?
Are you in love with me?
Do you trust me?
Do you respect me, as your husband?

When i get all the right answers, which may be lies, i will need to ask her one more question:

Would you do anything to prove your love for me?

If/when i get a yes, then i plan on asking her to face my mother and apologise for the hurt that she put her son through, and to rebuild that bridge. She is yet to show remorse or take accountability for her actions, altho she did say this afternoon that she changed her mind about seeing the OP later in the month. But i still cant trust her.

ok, so i just checked the WWs phone... TMs to OP with hugs, kisses, nakedness and bra's. I really can't deal right now. But i need to remain sane. He's only replied with hugs, and appears to be playing along on her string.

My mother is the rock that i needed my W to be.

I need to go cold to her entirely as I cannot have a separation. She must go and I need a divorce. I'm going to fill in the online docs now. God give me strength.

I'm so sorry DDJ. Its heart breaking. But I do believe that its not healthy to stay in limbo land. If she is still contacting OM, there is currently NO hope for your M. That has got to end before she will even begin to be capable of turning herself around. Filing for D may be something that will begin to jolt her out of the fog. She does appear to be very conflicted based on what she said to you the other day. But nothing is going to happen until she decides to end her waywardness or if something ends it for her. I wouldn't tolerate her continued disrespect. If that is the life she wants to lead, then let her have it. It won't work for you. Show her that you are moving on with or without her and that you will be fine either way. I just said a prayer for you and your W.

Thank you LiM, I need to be strong. I think a weak person would not have checked the S phone and been blind to the truth; a strong person must know for certain.

I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, that would be justifying the twisted world that we live in; however, i do believe that things happen to us and we have a choice of what we take from it.

I had ten fantastic years, it was filled with joy, some pain and alot of sex. But that is in the past and I see a whole lot more of it to come, now with someone else.