Thanks for your reply - I don't think he thinks there is anything wrong with him though. It's all my fault for leaving.
Not necessarily. How do you know he has not used this time to reflect? This is mind reading.
He was completely unapproachable at the end of our marriage. I don't think I've got it in me to say I was sorry to someone who clearly is not.
. You left Him!!!! How did you expect him to act??? If he begged you to stay, would you have said something along the lines of " he doesn't respect my wishes. Always trying to do what he wants". ? You admitted you were being grumpy due to menopause. No? His feelings must have been beyond hurt. He told you when the dust settles he would like to be friends. Again what were you expecting?
He treated me like I was something he had stepped on.
I don't understand this. He gave you what you wanted. it seems like the divorce proceedings went smoothly and fairly. He did not cheat or take on a rebound relationship. You walked out. You abandoned your vows and you are unhappy with how he reacted?
Even writing this makes me wonder why I would want to salvage a relationship like that.
He needs to take ownership for his part in the marriage breakdown before we can even contemplate it.
We have had a bit of email contact. He tells me that his sister is coming home from overseas soon (July) and that we should go out for dinner when she is back. He is still wanting to be friends I think.
I have been looking for answers to his personality type online and have come to the conclusion he is either a narcissist or an emotional abuser. He never hit me.
I can be "friendly"but not his "friend". I haven't committed to anything. I would like to see my SIL though as she has some issues which make me want to be there for her.
Something I hadn't brought up before here is that his Father sexually molested his sister for years when she was a child. H is younger by 2 years and says he didn't know it was happening until he was an adult and married to his first wife. 1st wife stopped contact with the IL's as she didn't want he children exposed to it. His Mother knew about the abuse and did nothing to stop it. When I told my GP this, I asked her what kind of person allows that to happen to their child and do nothing? She replied - someone who is being controlled. His Father died before we met so I never knew him, his Mother died last year. My opinion of her went downhill when I found out about a year after we were married. I think H's behaviour is a sign that he had narcissistic parents and he learnt the controlling behaviour from them both. His first wife called him cold.
Right now, I'm feeling a bit sorry for him as if and when he takes up with anyone new - nothing will change as he does not think there is anything wrong with him.
Me:54 Him:58 3 Adult children between us. I am H 2nd wife. My 1st marriage. Married:8 Together: 12 Separated: 1 Aug 2015 Status: Separated In NZ we need to be separated 2 years before we can divorce.
He seemed ok. I mentioned that I will be our wedding anniversary tomorrow. His reply was: "Well, we're not married so it's just another day"
Kinda hit me when I got home that he still talks to me to like something he stepped on.
I got angry.
I emailed him and said:
The real reason we broke up was more to do with the way you spoke to me in the last few years of our marriage than anything else. Other people noticed more than me. I was too used to it I suppose.
My feelings towards you had changed - there is absolutely nothing wrong with me sexually. I've discovered there is name for it. Emotional abuse.
Your response to me today bought that all back.
I still care for you but will get over it.
There you go - it's all out in the open now.
Let me know if you want to address this.
His reply was:
No point I hope you have a great life and will continue to say hi when we run in to each other.
What?? He still thinks he does not have a problem. It [censored] really, I had hoped he might actually want to talk about it. I'm his second marriage. First marriage fell apart for the same reasons.
I guess I'll just have to accept that it's over and he will never change. Doesn't sound like he's open to suggestion.
Your opinions would be gratefully received please. Head is going in circles here!
Me:54 Him:58 3 Adult children between us. I am H 2nd wife. My 1st marriage. Married:8 Together: 12 Separated: 1 Aug 2015 Status: Separated In NZ we need to be separated 2 years before we can divorce.
