Having issues in my detaching. Struggling with Facebook. I keep checking to see if/when she changes her Relationship status (still shows we're married), or if she is posting what she is up to, any new friends, pics, etc. Not sure if I should un-friend, or block, or do anything at all. I hate that I still have the desire to do these things. Not much activity for her and she normally posts a lot, so I am assuming she has a privacy setting with me blocked for most of her posts. I am not sure what to do, but I know this is "spying" and causing me issues.
I had that same problem in the beginning. I deactivated my account, and that took care f that.
Why do I not get any spew? Why does this bother me? I don't get the chance to understand her frustrations on our R. Someone close mentioned that if she cared she would have emotions but lack of emotions probably means she has moved on. I guess this is mind reading and why would I not assume in her mind right now that she has moved on..She said she wanted a divorce.
Having issues in my detaching. Struggling with Facebook. I keep checking to see if/when she changes her Relationship status (still shows we're married), or if she is posting what she is up to, any new friends, pics, etc. Not sure if I should un-friend, or block, or do anything at all. I hate that I still have the desire to do these things. Not much activity for her and she normally posts a lot, so I am assuming she has a privacy setting with me blocked for most of her posts. I am not sure what to do, but I know this is "spying" and causing me issues.
If it is on social media, then I would not place it under spying. However, you see what it does to you to look, right? If you can't handle it, then you need to stay away from it.
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Why do I not get any spew? Why does this bother me? I don't get the chance to understand her frustrations on our R. Someone close mentioned that if she cared she would have emotions but lack of emotions probably means she has moved on. I guess this is mind reading and why would I not assume in her mind right now that she has moved on..She said she wanted a divorce.
If it will make you feel any better, I'll spew on ya!
What do mean you don't get the chance to understand her frustrations? Be thankful. Some of these men would probably like to exchange places. Besides, she was spewing plenty about her frustrations when she wanted money. Honestly, Cube.....you are the first guy I've heard complain about not getting enough spew and not getting to hear the W's frustrations. You need to seriously GAL.
Remember those requested links I went digging around to find for you? How far have you gotten?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think the lack of spew may have to do with you giving her whatever she wants. You pay her bills, haven't detached, no GAL'ing, etc. What's to spew about? She cake-eating without consequence.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Having issues in my detaching. Struggling with Facebook. I keep checking to see if/when she changes her Relationship status (still shows we're married), or if she is posting what she is up to, any new friends, pics, etc. Not sure if I should un-friend, or block, or do anything at all. I hate that I still have the desire to do these things. Not much activity for her and she normally posts a lot, so I am assuming she has a privacy setting with me blocked for most of her posts. I am not sure what to do, but I know this is "spying" and causing me issues.
If it is on social media, then I would not place it under spying. However, you see what it does to you to look, right? If you can't handle it, then you need to stay away from it.
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Why do I not get any spew? Why does this bother me? I don't get the chance to understand her frustrations on our R. Someone close mentioned that if she cared she would have emotions but lack of emotions probably means she has moved on. I guess this is mind reading and why would I not assume in her mind right now that she has moved on..She said she wanted a divorce.
If it will make you feel any better, I'll spew on ya!
What do mean you don't get the chance to understand her frustrations? Be thankful. Some of these men would probably like to exchange places. Besides, she was spewing plenty about her frustrations when she wanted money. Honestly, Cube.....you are the first guy I've heard complain about not getting enough spew and not getting to hear the W's frustrations. You need to seriously GAL.
I think I lose track of why I DB. I think I will write something generic on my bathroom mirror to remind me everyday. I am NOT fixing us, I am fixing ME. Time for a NEW hobby, I think I am going to take dancing lessons (I just need to find "How to suck less @ Dancing" class) this will help me get out of my comfort zone.
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Remember those requested links I went digging around to find for you? How far have you gotten?
Been reading Robx today. I just found the tab to read the authors threads and not having to scroll thru all their posts. It is a game changer!!
Went camping with the kiddos this weekend. Hiking, waterfalls, campfire, smores, and tons of memories. I think this is a new hobby for me and I would call it a 180 (notorious homebody) and GAL'ing.
This is a valid point. I have recently began to feel used. I think that now that she has a job, it is time for her to put on her big girl pants. The L said she should actually be giving me $$ since I have the kids full time. I think @ the very least her making her car payment is fair.
I have started reading the threads that Sandi posted. Some great stuff and I barely scratched the surface.
I agree W's need to put their big girl pants on and face reality.
Morally I would rather go through a D and continue to DB knowing I did everything for me. Only after finding myself again and learning from my mistakes in my M do I really have a chance at possibly getting W back.
Not sure if you feel the same way but you need to free yourself from her and be the man you want to be! Whether you are still in the MR or not.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
You also need to split bank accounts, credit cards, etc. She can cause a lot of problems if you are tied financially. Talk with your L about a plan to separate financially to protect yourself.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
