Counselling went well, but the insecurity is still there. The W not respecting me and bringing up the OP, in what she feels is a joking way. Told her that's unacceptable.
She said that she's not sure that she wants the divorce to the psychologist, but then said that she'll go to help me deal... So nice of her.
Anyhows, I just want the madness to end, and I think the basics of respect will help us to communicate better, and me to detach more.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
This is now day 25, what a trip! I have realised that the goal is really to be the best me, to my WW and my son.
I recall leaving my clothing everywhere because it was my wife's responsibility to tidy the house. I recall that she left her plates in the room, because it was my responsibility to clean the kitchen and dishes. I recall almost kissing another girl in the passage of my house whilst she was sleeping. I recall her going to another city to meet another guy.
There is one thread that runs through all of this. That is a lack of respect. A lack of respect for myself, my S, my marriage, my house and my child.
This could easily have been my WW on this site, had I actually not realised that I was indeed married that night. I would have said the same ILYBINILWY, had I kissed that girl. How could someone who loved someone do that to someone else.
What a lesson.
So now I need to show respect, and I must demand respect from my WW and son, if not to save my marriage, but rather to save myself.
My WW stated last night that she knows that she is supposed to want to save her marriage, but she just does not know why she does not want to. If she could sign the papers now and move out today she would. But we have debt to pay off which could take about 6 to 8 months so she can't go anywhere. I have some time...
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I don't know if i'm rambling on and putting too much in this thread but my analytical mind is just running away from me.
I just had a discussion about another topic with a work colleague and he says that I must not give up hope; I said "I need to, I gotta move on, hope is for the weak". He says, "you moving on is also hope, a hope for a better future, something different". I say, "yes, its a different type of hope, but hope is still for the weak". He says, "No, hope is for the alive".
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Yes, moving forward is what i need to do. It means moving forward without her, i realise that.
So that is what i'm going to do. I can still achieve all of my dreams, she just won't be in those photo's - who knows if anyone will be.
So I choose me. I choose to stop this insanity - 25 days are too many for me. A better person has and will come out of this. Hope has nothing to do with it.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Will only help those whose WW have not left. This is my email to my WW...
"ok, so we are definitely getting a divorce. and we will have the DIY one, where we will pay almost nothing. That means that we will need to be extremely happy with what we have settled on. We are over and I know that my future will still be what i dreamt it would. You will not be in that picture."
I feel like a weight has been lifted. She cannot have control of me. I must not relapse. I will not relapse.
My cards are on the table, it is now her turn to show her hand. Either way, I will be able to move forward (not on - thx Cadet)
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Mark my words, that's all that I have Mark my words, give you all I got In every way I will You're the only reason why Oh I don't wanna live a lie Mark my words Mark my words
So you heard it all before Falling in and out of trust Trying to rekindle us Only to lose yourself But I won't let me lose you And I won't let us just fade away After all that we've been through I'm a show you more than I ever could say
BUT - that was before i realised how counter-intuitive this whole thing was. That song was me holding on and not detaching. Still a good song though.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
