Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 14 days of sheer hell

Stay strong. You need to ensure your position as an H and she needs to respect you. Keep acting "as if" and ensure the changes you make (180s) are for you.

So this morning she says that "she's going nowhere and she wants to go to counselling to figure things out".

I think its a small victory, but i'm not going to let my guard down. If she wants me in her life, then she will need to make the decision. Until then, I will drift away from her and do more of GAL, it is all about me anyhows, isn't it...?

I'm the one that does not want to let her go.

I love that I have a place to share my thoughts.

She is acting in true WW fashion. Your biggest problem at the moment is your fear. The day you came on board, you felt confident b/c you thought she was back. You wanted to share what worked for you. And now, she is stepping back and having doubts. Her doubts are sparking fear in you. Fear is your enemy. Fight the fear.

I have written several threads about wayward wives, and I talked about this very subject of where you are standing at the moment. The first link is at the bottom of the page that has the 37 rules. I hope you will read those threads.

I also spoke about counseling, the withdrawals, testing, letting them back too easily, and a lot of other things for the H who has a wayward wife.

Just came by to say stay strong, you've done amazing so far. She's showing signs of cracking but I agree with sandi, be careful of taking back to easily. I took my wh back way to easy, only to find myself back in the same position

Yes, i refuse to let her back in now, she must grovel like i did those first few days.

I took down the wedding pics and my son came to me afterwards and asked me "where are the pics with mom and dad and me?" I never realised that they are so attentive. That made me sad. I dropped the two of them by her cousin and he asked "why are you not staying". Now i'm balling my eyes out. We try so hard to protect our children and even our WWs, but we cannot protect them from life, love and death.

But i need to get the tears out so i can man up when she returns tomorrow. Going out tonight and tomorrow so will not be balling whole nite.

There are soooo many lessons, it's such a short period of time.

100% truth. Take mine, for example. Absolutely no guilt whatsoever. And you should hear the lies that she is spreading. A favorite meme of mine says "there is their truth, my truth, and my screen shots." If I was a vindictive sort, I'd send that [censored] to every single family member of hers and say what do you think of that lying POS now? Oh I have thought of it...

Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka
that I totally agree with.

DDJ,

Hang in there brother.

So I think that I let my W go yesterday. At least in my head, I feel like i'm not married anymore. I said it out loudly to someone yesterday and I felt nothing for it. My heart will catch up.

I even dreamt that I had let her go and had moved on (to a second marriage and was so in love with the new wife), but was nonetheless sad for seeing her leave my life.

I don't think that I want my WW back; she was never the cleanest, analytical or 100% in our relationship due to her always being withdrawn emotionally. Too many times i'd be alone, because she'd be passed out from too much liquor. That''s not the life i saw for me, that's not the life I want to have.

I want someone that will share their dreams, their feelings and their life with me. Not because it's something that they think they want, but because they have made a conscious choice to do it.

Two days to counselling... This has been the best roller-coaster ride ever, and i'm only at the start. I'm finding myself. And she's supposed to be the one that is lost.

So my wife still TM chats with the OP, in front of me. I really can't deal, but know that i have to.

For a strange reason which is to be revealed shortly, we are extremely aroused, something like we were nearly 8 years ago. We are insatiable in each others arms. I know this is a tactic, but i'm just doing some research :-)

Then I saw how she is over the phone and chatting to the OP, and i realised that she has no control. She has lost total control over her life. A few months back, she'd come home, if the phone was dead, she'd just leave it off and charge it overnight. But now, it is always on, she chats for hours, satisfying her need for attention.

The arousal is innate and she needs to satisfy that sexual attention seeking too. Don't get me wrong, I made sure that I set it up so that I would sleep in the next room.

So how do I get her to take control of her life - do i suspend the phone contract so that she can't chat? She will have no other option but to face herself...