Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers A New Chapter

You are very right not to rush into anything, Painter. You need to heal yourself first. I love how you said that you're 'perfectly fine by yourself.'

Awesome.

Something dawned on me... H has been so difficult to communicate with, even if it's just texts about logistical issues. He refuses to answer if I call. He said it's 'too fresh'. He seems angry and lashing out.

I asked him, 'you got what you wanted, why are you angry?'

I wonder if things aren't as great as he thought they would be after I left... I actually think I might be feeling a lot better than he is.

It seems OW is not there - what he says sounds plausible.

However, the very strange messages I got from his friend, via a message app that H never had on his phone (!) made me wonder.

If only every H could get the message "Be careful what you wish for" BEFORE they do what they do, right? They think the grass is greener, and then... it's not.

I suspect that being without you hasn't lived up to his sunny expectations and he's feeling the loss while you are moving on with your own life.

Keep doing what you're doing, Painter!

I just re-read my entire thread before this and just wanted to thank everyone who posted and still posts. Every time I re-read the posts, I find something new and interesting that makes me think and process some more. (I often wake up around 5am and wonder how I ended up here - so I read to remember.)

I'm still here, checking on you, and pulling for you, Painter. : )

Thanks, Phoebe!

H answered my e-mail today and said he had signed and notarized the separation agreement. It was a difficult piece of news. I guess I was hoping he might wait, or postpone it, or change his mind about it. It seems he can't wait to get it done, he has already set in motion a L to draw up the new deed to get me off the house.

He's still very brief in his replies (still all logistics) and sometimes doesn't reply at all. He won't tell me why he's acting like this, I've asked several times. He said he'd 'do his best' to communicate normally when I asked.

I'm so sorry to hear it, Painter. My H's few communications are also very business-like and so weirdly casual. They ought to cause nothing at all, reaction-wise, but they make me feel badly.

(((Painter))))

I'm starting to get used to H's curt communications. I guess he just needs his time. I spend too much time thinking about him - but then again, it's probably the most important thing going on in my life right now, so I can't expect to be able to push it completely out of my mind. If a family member was in hospital, I'd be fretting about that, too.

H's statement about the separation was: 'I need space to find out how I feel.' That's all he's really said.

I started wondering about this whole separation agreement - it seems so geared towards divorce. It's a complete property settlement agreement and I'm signing the house and everything else over to him. Wouldn't it be more natural to do that if we decide to go through with a D? What do people do if they decide to not D? Go through all of this again to reverse it - change deeds, titles, etc.?

Also found out the interesting twist (which is specific to our state) that a separation agreement does not give the parties freedom to have other relationships. Until the D is final, it's still considered adultery and a misdemeanor, and could impact alimony payments!

I think it's hard to deal with this - it's hard if a colleague or a friend suddenly starts acting cold, or a family member cuts you off, which happens - it's very confusing and hurtful. But a partner is the one who is supposed to be there and support you if your friends or family get weird!

So many weird things happening.

- I learned tonight that OW came to visit H in our home in 2014, when I was away. She supposedly loooooved the area (not very nice) and would looooove to live there. H told this to the person who told me. I'm sure OW could make an informed decision after a weekend! H has always denied that she was there, he just admitted to two trips he made to her. More lies!

- He supposedly has also been complaining about me and tried to get me to divorce him for years.

It hurts, but I would rather know than not.

Then
- out of the blue, I was contacted by a friend (F) from back home tonight. He is visiting the city I'm in for business, leaving tomorrow. We're going to meet tomorrow and I'll take him to the airport. He is married and I know his wife and children well.

The wrinkle here is that F started hitting on me from when the problems first started with H (I ignored the attempts) until I cut off contact early last year. It started to feel like an EA with us comisserating about our spouses and I didn't like that. F and his W have been having problems for years, but even if I had been interested, I wouldn't have wanted to get in the middle of that mess!

I was completely open with H about F's advances (all verbal, teasing type) and told him that if he was uncomfortable with it, I'd drop the friendship. H said it was fine. But H later decided to pretend to believe that something happened between F and me - he admits in regular conversations that he knows it's not true, but he'd bring it up in upset situations. So I can just imagine what he would think if he finds out that F has been here!

It's been an interesting day. Also saw a counselor here today, but that was before any of this.