Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers my wife is a waw! trying everything to save it!

Just to add this was the first time I have behaved this way in our relationship. I am ashamed of my behavior, I wish I would have kept a level head at the time.

Yes that behaviour will not help you. You know thatnow. Being aware is important.Going forward you need to control that as much as possible. Don't beat yourself up over it. What's done is done. You have apologised.MMove on. Do not apologize again as repeatedly apologising is seen as weak by her.

Plus your problems started long before. Did she explain why she checked out? What were the issues that she sees. Often a WAW will give factual reasons at the time of bomb drop. You need to understand her issues,from her perspective. But at this stage I would not urge you to reengage discussions with her to find out more. She has asked for space,iit is best to give it to her...... but do not move out.

It is not always the case but often here, someone asking for space means there is someone else in their minds. Have you any suspicions in relation to that. The presence of another person changes the dynamics and hence your approach. Snooping at this stage could damage your chances if caught.

Continue posting info about your R and people will come. This is a great place with some great people.

I am not beating myself up over the past, if I have learned anything that would be that yesterday is done tomorrow is a blank canvas! I am focused on the future!

With that being said, she had told me that we were having the same fight over and over again and I honestly cannot remember what all these fights were about specifically, for me I always told her we weren't fighting we were just discussing something, never were they heated raised voices ect. I know that on occasion when I would get upset about something I would pull away and not talk for a period of time and she had told me that she didn't like that behavior as it reminded her of her mother. I never corrected that behavior, but now I can(at least try) and I feel if I do "no contact" or "going dark" that would remind her of this behavior. So as much as I have read about success with such methods I feel they would be detremental for me. I am not calling/texting her at all if we have contact she initiates it.

She has also said that I have been controling. I haven't thought I was, but when I look back I can see it. It's not like I wouldn't let her talk to guys or go out with friends but I would try to teach her things and try to express my feelings and the way I would say things may have made her feel pressured or guilty. Again I was ignorant to my behavior and now that I can see I can act in a new way I have always said I wanted to grow with her as well as grow old with her. This is my moment to truly grow.

I honestly wish I could ask her to explain again, but I know I cannot. I know for a fact there is no other man, regardless of my recent insecurities popping that thought in my head which I quickly squash and remove from my mind.

I feel that she trust me because we share a 1 bedroom apartment and she frequently walks around in her underware occasionally topless she covers her boobs with her arm but nonetheless I feel she would do this if she didn't still trust me in some way.

Looking at it from her point. You never listened to her. She says you argued, then you argued. Not remembering what ye argued about again demonstrates not listening.

If she says you were controlling then to her you were.

You can disagree with her point of view but unless she feels you hear her, no one will win the arguments. You have reflected. Now is the time to DO nit to try.

She is comfortable around you. That is all you can read into the semi nudity. It is better than being uncomfortable but don't mistake it for trust or other feelings. Some Ws use this behavior to check if H is still longing after her. Others are just going about their business regardless of your presence.

I am not trying to dishearten you but hopefully speed up your understanding of some points. Then you can concentrate more fully on what you should be doing.

By the way NC and going dark are not possible living in a one bed appart . Save that for when she moves out. Until then follow the 37 rules, especially no pursuit.

I agree that from her perspective I wasn't listening, and I was controlling. I have gone back in my head and agree with her perspective as I cannot make her think any other way so regardless I have to believe that was my behavior. And since I cannot remember what we argued about I can agree that I was not listening. I did listen to many things that I feel were overlooked, but that is not the issue at hand. The issue is that I do need to listen better and comprehend and retain, even when I feel it is an insignificant issue, if she brings it up then it isn't insignificant to her! I need to watch my behavior and words as to not come across as controlling as I never intended to be controlling, she is free to do as she pleases and I have always felt that way, I cannot force anything on anyone.

I have been worried that she may be trying to "test" me with the semi nudity and have been resisting all my urges, thankfully my intense urges come after I am out of the house I have had extreamly self control while at home. I also understand that it is a comfort level but I feel that comfort comes with a level of trust as well. Not saying she fully has regained trust in me but she hasn't fully lost all trust in me. Would you think that could be a fair assessment? I do think the comfortableness has a lot to do with it

I feel like I am coming across as trying to defend myself on this thread. I want to unveil all relevant information that everyone feels is necessary but at the same time I would rather focus on the future and not stagnate on what happened. I have already processed and thought thoroughly about all that has happened. I will continue to tell stories of past events if necessary. When I do though it does bring me down. I have started going to the gym I even hired a personal trainer for 1 day a week. I also just created a logo for a Co worker, got information on going back to school (online) and even stated communications on possibly starting a tattoo apprenticeship. Also a few weeks back I started a home brew club with some friends and we just entered the dry hop phase of our flagship imperial ipa!

This is a healthy POV.
As long as you don't repeat history it is fine.

Thank you everyone thus far. I am doing everything I can to maintain my future focused attitude, and also making sure not to repeat history either. I am really hoping to find more solutions to getting my marriage back on track, I feel I will be just fine getting myself together but what can I do in the now that won't negatively affect the marriage?

Thank you all for being a part of this community, you make me feel welcome.

So just the other day, she asked me not to watch the new ink master without her, as we always watched the show together, I am not 100% sure as how to proceed, advice please?

Also our dog twisted his leg on saturday and she is now texting me asking if WE can take him to the vet because she got rid of her car now it is on me to drive if need be. However she did already schedule a rental car for her tattoo appointment coming up later this month. I feel like our dog might have a torn muscle or severely pulled a muscle and the only thing that will be done at the vet would be an x ray. I don't really mind going to the vet just wanted some input on how to go about handling such a situation as far as she's asking me to do something should I just jump to and say ok or should I be more distant?

So I just discovered my W purchased herself a "toy" she has always told me she wasn't interested in "toys" and it hasn't been used it's brand new. Maybe she is longing for sex that she has decided to experiment. She has always said she doesn't like to play with herself. With this discovery plus the fact she hasn't been taking bc I feel confident there is no OM. This discovery has put me in a hysterical mode right now though because it was a shocking discovery. I am not appalled but I just never thought she would make such a purchase as every time I tried to introduce toys she always "freaked out"

Thoughts?