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Managed to pull myself together and go down to the room h and kid where in. I managed to fake a cheery expression and tone, appear cool, calm and collected and ask a q about kid. He even slightly managed a smile about something I said. I know not to read into it.

Felt like a nervous wreck all day waiting for the talk. It didn't happen. I know it's going to and I'm trying to calm myself by thinking it is going to happen, but it's out of my control. And what I CAN control is my behaviour, and how I answer these q's.

He has gone out with friends for the evening. Heard him on the phone to a male. So it's kind of validated as to his whereabouts. Possibly.

Going to try calm myself again and relax the best I can this evening. Enjoy manic toddlers excitable energy. And put him to bed. Count my blessings. Which is kid.

Hi Cherry,

I am sorry for your very difficult situation, but you are doing the right things.

The advice that I have seen on the forums and in DR that come to mind that you implemented and want to continue to implement are,

Fake it till you make it.
Act as if
Control you (we can not control our spouse)
GAL
180

And I am sure there are many more, but you are doing many of the right things. Be sure to recognize the small wins and monitor for outcomes. That will keep you out of the cheerless tunnels.

Keep counting your blessings as gratitude is a huge opportunity for all of us in these situations as it is hard to see things to be thankful for, but it will keep you centered and grant you strength to weather the storm.

Chin up, smile and hug that baby to feel the love that flows through you as you do so. You deserve to feel that.

Thanks sadhub, I'll certainly try my best. And I know a lot of it is going to be faking it until I make it.

Rather than sit and wallow tonight, or worry about this inevitable talk. I decided to give me a pamper. Make myself feel a little better.

You're right on the monitoring what works and what doesn't. This is something I need to do. So far there's not been many positive reactions apart from a half smile before when I said something. I was being me, a little ditsy- and he did what he always used to and called me on it. It took a lot of strength to try to be upbeat with him when I'm hurting so bad.

Going to pray for a better day, pray God grants me the strength to look after me and toddler. I am for sure enjoying the hugs and love from toddler

Cherry, you're rocking the 'tude! Way to go girl

H got in late last night, and slept in another br. Wether this was just to not disturb me, or if this is his new arrangements idk, it's not even worth getting angry trying to understand the mind of a was.

That nasty sinking feeling is there, so gonna get up and take kid out, make a few memories.

Yes, Cherry, don't let him get to you.

Trying not too. Got up and took kid out to see some animals. He's asleep, I'm sat looking at nature listening to ceelo greens f**k you on repeat. Kinda helps. That and cry me out by pixie Lott.

Chanelling this strength. Wouldn't it be kinda back to tell your wah "baby you ain't all that".

As I left he avoided me and kid and went to bed. Productive

So when we got home h was still hanging around. I said a polite and cheery hello. He said hello back. No asking where we'd be- but then I hadn't really expected that anyway. But toddler runs in, looks at h and runs off upstairs. H didn't even say hello to him. Kind of confirms to me this anger and funk he is in, is nothing specifically to do with me

Hi, Cherry. I'm so sorry you are in this situation and I just wanted to let you know that I'm reading along and pulling for you, even if our individual situations are somewhat different.

Thanks for swinging by to offer support phoebe it really means a lot.

I'm so great full for this site, a safe place for us to vent and get some suggestions on what to do next