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Trying to figure out if he is walkaway, or if he is wayward.

The mornings are still a bit tough, he came in late and slept on the couch again. Again I don't know if this is his new arrangement or if he didn't wanna disturb me. Anyhow, I was still awake- tossing and turning. Still, let's not reac into this, absolutely no good would come of it.

Filling my day with lots to do. He's sitting miserable watching to. I've been out, ran some errands. I've remaining cheery, just said hello, he grunted hello back. Now plenty of chores to do, so doing l those. Yes maybe it would appear I'm avoiding him. But I'm giving him space

So I've been busy all day, just to distract myself. But I CANNOT shake the anxiety, of him saying a few days ago "we need to talk". He will be home tonight as work in the morning. And I feel as soon as he gets me alone he is going to leap straight into it. If I know it's coming, and I can sense what he is going to tell me. And I've heard it before, then WHY?

Hmmm, i would not egg it on, or draw it out of him. He is conflicted beyond belief between what he is thinking he needs to do and what he is thinking his duty is. Sounds stupid because they should be the same...buy he is so unhappy and confused and has no idea what to do (you should read that statement as 'so unhappy with who HE is and how HE feels about HIMSELF' and he us projecting that unhappiness to his marriage and ultimately, you).

You are trying to figure out what he us and what he is going to do, when 8n actuality HE has nonfreaking clue.

Deep breath. Find something pleasant to help take your mind off of this for a bit. he may comes home and says what you think, then may not, dont draw him into it. Get back to basics.

I hate that younare hurting...just thinkx just anshurt while till france, have you stwrted planning your perisian getawat yet, looking for things to do, etc. Might help with keepind mind on something besides this $hit.

Yeah I wasn't planning to bring it up. I know part of db-ing is avoid r talks. Feel like we're just avoiding each other right now.

I was so so excited for Paris. Now I feel I'm not even bothered because of all this. Just want to be around baby. But still, God willing I'll have a great time. I go next week. You can bet your bottom $ I shall be doing some serious serious, Olympic worthy shopping

Cherry,

Try not to put to much thought into it. Heck he may not say anything.

BTW...you gonna have a great time on your trip!!

It just feels like the last thing on my mind right now, feel like I'm gonna be worried the whole time. And I've never left baby before and then coming back to all this.

Ugh some days are really just tough. Would you guys say he's walkaway, or wayward? Cause I know you kinda have to use different techniques

I would say that he's wayward?

Cherry,maybe you can mentally rehearse what you're going to say if he tries an R talk on you.

What do you think he's going to say and how are you going to react to it?

Don't let yourself be caught offguard but don't worry yourself sick either.

(Cherry)

All I can say, Cherry, is don't get sucked into a talk in which you allow yourself to get angry. Just get out of there if things start going in that direction. We stop thinking clearly when that happens.

I messed up on that front a couple days ago and it wasn't pretty. It didn't go the way I wanted at all, and I missed some good opportunities to both validate and encourage more positive dialog.

I'm still kicking myself for allowing myself to get upset. And for not just taking my stupid Xanax before the conversation even started. We should use every tool at our disposal, and I skipped one of mine. I struggle with anxiety, and I let it get the best of me. I just was too proud to let him see me rummaging around in my bag for the stupid pill. Pride goeth before the fall, as they say...

Aw phoebe I feel for you, I'm the same I have anxiety and depression and this $hi* really doesn't help.

Jksd I have a feeling he is going to say this isn't working and that he has tried and maybe we should d. He s already he isn't happy and that this isn't working and he has been trying the last year.

This is when I was caught of guard and said we've hardly tried. Oops.

Last night he was in a horrific mood. I went to bed and started watching some box set. He got in bed and watched with me. No words were exchanged.

Shall not mind read. He's clearly caught up in a drama.

Tried to appear cool calm collected. This will get better as my acting skills improve. Gone to work. Trying to pretend nothing is happening. I'm in line for a promotion and will not let this affect it.

Cherry,

Congrats on the promotion. Your doing the right things by not letting this get you down, and not mind reading. Keep up the good work.