Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW still behaving angry and moving to divorce

Thank you V for that heartfelt explanation. I have read it several times and will read many time more.

I have also been reading edz and am half way through. Very enlightening.

I have had to review divorce docs and the verbiage sends chills down my spine as it is definitive sounding in nature.

Any threads out there for successful reconciliation after divorce is finalized?

Dbing after divorce is this still possible?

Sadhub,

You will get through this. We are on the same path, I am a little further ahead in the D. Protect yourself with your L.

My W and I went half way through the process and dismissed the D only to find out that since she did not respect my boundary of ending things with OM she then filed for D since I chose to stay where I am.

I would also like to find some threads that DB after a D.

Look down in the divorced, but not done forum. I think there are a few down there. It does happen.

Good morning all and a Happy Monday.

I am running a little on the white anger mode that V has discussed. Last night the WAW and I sat down to review the financial agreement written up by the L. She ranted and raved about every little detail and made accusations at me while doing so. After less than 5 minutes she jumped up and said, this just makes me sad. Print me copy and I will look at it later and have my L review it. I agreed and asked her if she would like to clarify why it made her sad.

She then expressed that she felt that she had been around long enough for me to at least share the inheritance, but she understood why I would not and it is okay. And she walked away. I asked her if she would be able to review it by today, and her response was, "Why are you in a hurry to just get your money?" What does this even mean? She wants to leave and wants to have money that she can make decisions without having to partner with me? What does she want and how do I.....I am not even sure what my question is anymore.

I attempted to ask her if we could discuss the plans for the girls as she is moving out next Sunday and still has not submitted the D paperwork. She told me how we should do it, then said but I won't tell you what to do like I always have, so you can make your own decisions. Then she proceeded to tell me how it would go.

Arghhhh!!! The only conversations are about the dissolving of the family, and I have to instigate the conversations, because she avoids them, but she is making the reckless decisions to chase her fantasies and blaming me for standing in the way. How do I protect myself, and yet validate her in her decisions that affect more than just her. Grrrr!!!

It is a challenge for me at these times to validate as her comments are typically as she walks away and they come out more as barbs and jabs.

Oh, goodness, I feel sad, but also with a sense of anger underneath because the logic of it all does not exist, and yet my goals are to do what is counterintuitive and listen and understand her. Wow. What a struggle to keep it all straight. But I will continue on and work to make the shifts in who I am, so that I can maintain hope for the future, while staying on task in the moment.

And this is my Monday morning rant (I apologize if it seems to make no sense or leaves out details) as I am extremely focused on PMA this morning as I need one day....just one day now with out the anxiety attacks and depression taking over.

I am a good person, I did not cause all of the damage to my relationship, and I do accept my part in it, and I must be a strong and good father, and I desperately want to repair my relationship with God so that I can have renewed faith, hope and peace. I will also make new connections with good people and increase my joy in living a full and joyous life.

And I love the woman that was my W with all my heart...I hope some day to come across her path and be able to say hello and be a more prepared man and companion....that is the hope that slowly is fading into the mist of a dream that may simply be just a faded memory......

Happy Monday!! I hope it is a great day and week for all that are in a challenging family situation by Gods good grace.

One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change. -unknown

Update,

Today may have been the final dagger in the heart, and my final grade in Dbing may now be an F.

I reached out to the WAW to share the updates from the L for the finance agreement that she wanted completed.

She went into a rage blaming me for only thinking about money and not doing anything to help her out and that I always say I want to help the family, but the truth is I don't. She said she is sorry but that is how she feels, and she will talk to her lawyer and submit the final paperwork for the D. She then threw out some more accusations at me around it all and said that she is just done and will only talk to me about the girls. She said that I just keep doing what everyone else tells me to do and don't ever try and do what is just right. She said that she hopes that I know deep down that what I am doing is wrong because I am just taking everything away from her.

I validated her feeling around this and shared that I am working to stay out of emotions so that the decisions now are focused on the best for everyone down the road.

WAW then stated that I need to stop avoiding the emotions and use them to do what is right and let them out.

Here is where I let the button push me over the edge. I replied that I can not express my emotions because you tend to twist them up and then tell me how I feel and its like a sucker punch to my gut when you do that.

Needless to say, she hung up on me and now I am back to thinking she will avoid me and avoid any conversations needed to move through this mess.

Oh goodness what to do now?

Hey don't be so hard on your self. So you stated a fact with what she does with your feelings.

Don't get too hung up on it, Continue your path , Your GAL, your taking care of yourself first.

Do what is best for you. At this point is it all moving with the Lawyer? She is forced to act on things now. If not and its your best interest then wait till she does want to talk.

She's upset because you're not showing enough concern for her well-being? Remind her that it is she who wants out of your family. You worry about the welfare of your family. If she wants out to be on her own, fine, show her what that is like. Her well-being is none of your concern. She can put her big girl pants on.

Don't beat yourself up over it brother. Continue to take care of yourself. When she's ready to talk she will talk.

Sadhub

I think your convo was just great.

And good DB, very good indeed.

Your boundary in that your inheritance is yours is spot on. Your WW was being clever, if she can't nice you or manipulate you, then she will use rage, blame and other tactics.

You stood for your boundary, you stated your emotion, you were firm.

I am standing here with my score card waiving A plus plus.

Only minor glitch was telling her how she feels so if you say I am keeping my emotions to myself as that is what I wish to do. You have decided to no longer be my W and thus no longer have access to my private thoughts and feelings. If you wish to return to your M and work to repair it that will change. Until then none of your business WW.

Or such wording......

That is better. If you wanted to validate "I can see that is frustrating for you, however I am keeping....."

Just my view.

V