Good idea with the travel. I would say invite her, but go regardless if she wants to go. This is a good GAL option for you. Just keep finding things to do with your kids.
At some point your W may want to push more for S. But until then keep up the GAL. Just keep busy and cram in as much activities as you can right now.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
I would make your travel plans, let her know you are going and say she's welcome to join you. And be quite prepared for her to decline. And if she does, just pleasantly say 'no problem' and go about your day.
The rest of the post sounds good and I'm pleased you are making some progress - keep up the good work my friend.
x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I am not sure why but I am feeling really low I really do not know what to do I feel there's nothing I can do to make anything any better I have tried working on me....But I am scared ....I have gone out for a drive and I am sitting in my car on a fu(king bridge debating if I should jump end my pain and then I think about my kids and,think,how selfish would that be,
I need help I am scared if I contact my doctor or book in to the hospital then will this reduce my chance,of me getting custody or access to my children
I wanted to be able to fix this
I am sorry I am feeling sorry for myself
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
please get help. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe some antidepressants to take the edge off. Go now, do not wait, there is no shame in that and you do not have to announce it to your W or anything.
Please listen to me and go see your GP without delay...
My heart breaks for you but you're right, think of your children. I've been at real lows, I have a good network of friends whom I can really open up to or just cry to and this is a massive help. However I've learnt to choose my friends wisely and who I say what to. What you want is validation and the ability to offload, some friends can just want to protect you and then up being nasty towards your S, as much as they're hurting us, they're still our S and for all their faults we still love them (or we wouldn't be on here).
Find someone you can talk to so that you're not bottling this up yourself. I found the beach to be a place for some good mind emptying and a playlist of a mixture of strength building songs (I will survive etc) and some to open the floodgates and have a damn good cry to. We're allowed to cry, away from the H/W is obviously best but don't keep it all in, it'll just be like a bottle of soda that you shake and shake until it explodes. Find an outlet, I bought a punchbag!
Have you gone to your own therapy? Not marriage counselling but to rebuild you? There's no shame in asking for help, it'll only make you stronger and that, in turn will help your children. My D is 18 so I don't have the same custody concerns but even though you're feeling low this doesn't make you less of a parent, it just means you care and you want happiness and stability for you all. Asking for help is far better than being in denial and burying your head as a lot of MLC S's do.
Look after you first, someone told me it's like the warning on the plane, put your own oxygen mask on before you try helping someone else, you're of little help to someone else if you can't breathe yourself.
You're not alone
Me: 38 H: 40 (39 @ BD) BD: August 2015 T: 22 years M: 15 years D: 18 years (17 @ BD)
I know I said I would follow and not post anymore. But I can not ignore what you posted. To actually put those words down is more than a passing thought. Please go see some one to get medication.
I can not nor would I want to think of you hurting yourself.
Please do this. It may help your outlook on everything.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Hi G. Sorry your so down brother It's ok to be down because this is sh1t and no one is telling you it's not
The suicide talk is a worry and you need to see a GP today. As an online buddy , please do this for your kids , once the thoughts are there it's not good
I think you know that we are on your side and we have all felt your pain I have very bad days still BUT I have more very good days. It's hard to see your dreams vanish but new dreams can replace them Your R with your D sounds like it's taking really positive steps and a few months ago you would have thought that was not possible
The travel sounds great and that not something you would have thought of 3 months ago so you are getting through this , just very slowly and that's fine. It takes as long as it takes but you have to help it with the positive attitude and moving forward with your life
You keep going on about your weight , firstly your working on it and secondly do you honestly think that's all the ladies are interested in ? Come on , read this board and you see fantastic women all the time and they don't go on and on about looks all the time. What's inside is way more important
Back to the bridge thing , don't let it lie and pass it off as moments lapse , go to the GP today , no excuses please.
G , I would love to go for a pint with you as we could discuss cars and bikes for hours , my R1 is sprayed in RED BULL colours with my helmet to match Your a decent man faced with a very very tough reality and this moment can be the moment you decide to have that dignity and draw a line in the sand and leave the old co dependant G behind.
When my W left I drew that line and she was gob smacked , couldn't believe I turned into Mr Perfect. ( her words ) overnight and while it still kills me sometimes , I never show her anything other than Mr Confident and Mr I'm Fine
Trust me G , your W will regret her actions one day , unfortunately that day may be years down the line and maybe it won't make any difference to you by then
Today my eldest is 21 , I got up at 6am , woke him and the crew up with bacon sarnies and a mug of tea and we opened his presents with all the family there. Tonight we are heading to a steak house and tomorrow out for a few beers.
His mom is calling in tonight for 10 mins. Who's the real loser G. I lost a W and she lost a family and life. You are the winner G , it's just you can't see it yet. You have an opportunity to grow and become the best G ever and the best dad that ever walked this earth , what more do you want. Grab it with both hands buddy and be thankfully you can.
G , I would like a post to see what the GP said , please , that's very important , lots of us care for G and his kids so please please go to the GP
Positive thoughts heading your way G The line in the sand is waiting for you to draw it
x