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I think we were in the cusp of it but he quickly went from making an attempt to try to absolutely nothing. Like he just gave up and retreated back into his shell.

Thanks for the advise, I'll check that. It often appears to me like depression, he's had a tough life I guess and there's family history of depression.
Yeah I guess it's hard not to start to get bogged down by the daily ins and outs and see him be happy with others- including at times his mum.

Re gear myself, get to dbing. Focus on me and toddler

Trying my best to maintain focus.
Do we agree I should be using bding techniques, working on me?
What about our usual date night which is no longer a date. Do I say j don't want to go?

What has been working for you so far?

Did work start to get stressful at about the time he gave up trying?

Dbing techniques such as GAL, acting as if and doing what works should always be part of your tools.

What I am not so sure about is if you should try to engage him, or wait for him to engage you, or do a bit of both.

IMO, it doesn't feel right to reject him if he asks for date nights. But maybe you should get others to weigh in.

Has he ever told you what made him dec8de yo leave OW and go back to you?

(((Cherry))) This must be tough on you.

I know this is hard, but I've seen your resiliance and know you can do this!!!

Yeah pretty much, all started at the same time he started striving for promotion. And it seems to continue. I KNOW he's finding it difficult. But he just says comments like "work isn't stressful, it's just you" when asked well what am I doing and what CAN I do to help. He has no answers.

Everytime I power up, he seems to improve. And I leave him be. However I feel I've been pretty consistent with GAL etc since a few months back and we're still here.

I know I need to crank it up a gear, act as if all is fine. Fake it until I make it. I just feel I've done this so long I'm tired. I guess we all get this way at times

Thankssss zephyr for the input too. I guess it hasn't been a romantic date night in a long time. More a chill night.

Right now we literally aren't talking at all, maybe at times I've come over hurt but I guess it's just because I am. I need to try and power through this and not let him eat away at me

Why am I finding this so hard this time. I feel more anger. It's like I can't be happy towards him- I just feel like telling him what I think of him. I guess this is where I have become attached?

So maybe I'm paranoid, and starting to misread or mindread. But the way he's leaving his phone hanging around less the past few days has really hit past anxieties, and made me think what if he's getting into another a. Wether a pa or ea.

Oh Cherry, I know that feeling well. It is very difficult not to think something is going on when they suddenly start taking their phone everywhere with them.

Even after 5 years I still feel sick when H sits typing away on his phone.

I don't know what advice I can offer but just wanted to say that you're not alone.

I give up. I snooped. Saw flirty messages between him and another woman. So history is just becoming itself I feel.

I know, I know. I feel like I shouldn't haven't looked. But it got the better of me and I had to know wether I was just dealing with a depressed spouse. Or am I dealing with someone pining for an a and the rush he gets.

At least this now, a positive. Means that I now know. I trust my gut and need to gain prescpective.

Thing is now I worry what can happen (I know I can't predict that) and can I trust a serial cheat?!