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Wow. I've been reading countless threads for the last four hours that you have commented on. SANDI - you are a very outstanding and compassionate person. I'm utterly floored by the amount of time you have spent trying to incourage people. I applaud you.

OK.... My wife is WW affair or no affair. I'm ready to except that. She is moving out to her own place paying her on way. I'm not supporting a thing except 50\50 children expenses. SANDI - I really would appreciate more advice when ever you get a chance to drop in. As of this moment, I will have the kids, Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday. This separation will begin April 1st. I plan on reading DR again for the 3rd time. First question, which has probably already been asked by me, but I want to make sure I'm straight on your thoughts on this. Her moving out; should I assist at all? take children somewhere why this transpires? any advice on moving out situation would help.

Thanks

Hi JB,

I remember when my WW moved out. Leading up to it I thought to myself I should help. I probably should pay off her car, buy her a new bedroom set etc. These were my initial, quick reaction thoughts. Why those came into my head, I have no idea, probably because I cared so much about her. But even before I came to this sight, I thought about it said "WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY?!?" Why would I help facilitate this in anyway? I certainly do not want this. This is a long way of me saying that I would not help in anyway. Let her start dealing with things completely on her own. Taking the kids somewhere when she does it is probably a good idea. Besides that, I don't think there is much advice to give since you are staying, just let things flow.

Yeah she asked if she take the bedroom set. I told her flat out NO!!! I'd Burn that bed down before I let it go out the door. Most likely our second Son was conceived on that bed. There was now way I was going to even imagine her having sex with another man on that bed. Silly or not it wasn't going to happen. I didn't tell her my reasoning.

Thank you very much, especially seeing me as compassionate. I appreciate your encouraging words.

when you have time to look into my questions above, concerning the separation i Would be very appreciative.

jb9140, IMO don't do anything to facilitate or help your WW in anything she does from here forward. You've got your kids to worry about - they're going to feel bad enough being abandoned by their Mother. Plus, it looks like you're splitting them so much they're going to feel like ping-pong balls. Your L will need to sort that out into a decent schedule.

My WW was irresponsible up to a point, with rampant spending which she called "striking out". So while I was pinching pennies, juggling credit cards etc. she was funneling money into a private bank account. She was the primary bread winner - I never would have denied her anything. But that was just sick and mean.

She's responsible when it comes to her business, and then outside of that it all falls apart. When I was still bothering to look - she was making lots of strange and uncharacteristic mistakes - errors in judgement, forgetting etc. when it came to her business. However I've totally detached, and haven't looked for well over a month and a half now.

In your case - let your WW move out, but she gets to do everything. All you can do and should do is put your feet up and relax. Better yet, go find some things to do with your kids. Once she's out - rearrange the place because it's yours. DBing is for you at this point.

In my particular case, there are no kids so I have almost zero contact with the W. The last time I did - it was extra weird, so I'd like to keep it to a minimum anyway.

Channel your anger (and sorrow) someplace - your kids cannot see it. Because it will get back to your WW and she will use it against you. Be on your best behavior - read Sandi's threads over and over. I read them at least once a week - there's a lot to absorb. Practice your "as if", it's going to be necessary and hard.

I'm very sorry for what's happening, you're in good company. It's just so sad that so many people are experiencing this sort of heartache.

Sandi

It depends on how the H feels about it. Some men say that can't be there b/c it is too hard and they can't stay in control of their emotions.

If a man decides to be there, I think it should be with the intent of overseeing what is taken, not so much about helping.

If the couple has not made a list of who keeps what, she may take nearly everything. I have seen women who dug up the bushes outside!

If the H has some sentimental attachment to particular items (such as your bedroom suit) then he may decide to be there to ensure those things are not taken. So many men will say they just don't think she'd take advantage. What? This is a wayward woman! Of course she's going to take advantage b/c she is driven by selfishness.

If you decide to be there during move out, be there to protect what is yours. Now, some guys feel they have to help with the heavy stuff. IDK, it's a fine line between looking like a jerk or a marshmallow......but to me, the importance is not about actually giving her your muscles and strong back as much as it is to look out for your property. My former SIL literally cleaned out their house and left one chair for my BIL. Nothing on the walls, no linens, no towells, not even a roll of toilet paper, nothing in the cabinets.......I mean NOTHING anywhere in that house but his chair. It made a profound statement, and he never thought she would have done such a thing.

that is a good point Sandi. I did not even think of that in my situation. Guess I was lucky. Definitely something to keep in mind.