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Aaaand the anniversary ring is off! So yesterday, the W and I were sitting at the table talking about our S4 who was recently diagnosed with Autism. I get all teary-eyed because it still hurts, and then the W starts a conversation where she says "I know I've told you that I get freaked out by you all of a sudden being religious and I don'the need to tell you this but, I just wanted to say that the last few months have been hard for you and you could have dealt with it in different ways. You could have turned to alcohol, drugs or women but"...and then her Mom walks in and my W says "AW man! It's an important conversation, We will finish this later." We never did and I never asked, I will let her come to me when she is ready. I have a feeling that she is going to praise me for handling things the way I have. Which is awesome because it is the first step towards not being so selfish and combined with wearing the ring maybe shows that she is starting to come around?
Yesterday she talked to me about how she was feeling and she said that in regards to our relationship, she is just going to go with the flow. If it floats it floats and if it sinks it sinks. She said there would be days where she is talkative and there will be days where she will just ignore me and leave and take time to drive and think and cry. I just listened and validated.

Melo, so sorry to hear about the rumors. WW's love justifying their actions at our expense. My WW accused me of being gay and having A's with OMs (LOL). Her mom said something too about it. I laughed it off for how ridiculous is was, but it truly hurt me too. In fact she said that one day and then said the reason she did not sleep in our bedroom was cause I was always trying to have sex with her. Guess I am just a deviant. If you feel it will truly hurt you outside of emotions, defend it... if not just roll with it. I know that is easier said than done.

It is good though to hear she is talking to you. Be careful she is just not temp checking and trying to pull you in. God speed to you!

Thanks for the support Tim! I was reading your thread and I commend you for looking out for yourself and not worrying about what anyone else thinks. I think that kind of independence is a success in and of itself and it will do wonders for your R. The R with yourself that is and the peace that comes with it.

Ok, so much for not snooping. I have just confirmed that my W is officially WW and is at least having one hell of an EA, if not a PA. She was writing to the full moon and saying that she wants to have a passionate life with OM, she wants him to miss her, he wants him to be open with her, so they can have an open loving relationship. She wants him to not be afraid of giving into his desires and she wants to have a life with him separate from me. She wants him to kiss her passionately. She wants to be OK financially. I AM SHAKING!! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST READ! I want the same things, but I want them with her. OK so here's the thing, he is married, him and his wife are seperated. I know his cousin and I'm gonna pump him for information on his switch. I want to leave so bad, but I don'the want to make a decision now because I am so angry and hurt... I love her, and am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back...but is it too late?...F***K ME...I can'tell believe this is my life...
I don't get how just two days ago, she was telling me that she was just going to let us float along, to see if we will sink or swim...really? If you want a life away from me, why don't you just say so? Why do you wear our anniversary ring on your ring finger? Why tell me that we are getting an apartment together? She has never said that divorce is an option. Ever. I don't know...I just don't know...

I feel so incredibly bad for you Melo. I remember when I confirmed the A, I was at my office and started throwing up. It was the worst pain I ever felt. Know this because I am living proof, you will make it through this. You will survive and there are people out there that love you! Embrace them.

I cannot tell you what to do about confronting or leaving. I did all the wrong things and you know what she denied it. Work on your self discovery. I did DB coaching which was helpful, IC which I didn't like but it helped, I went and saw my priest who was very insightful and not what I was expecting, this forum and friends. I discovered most of the reasons WW gave me that I bought into were bs, but I did have issues, no doubt about that. So I am tackling those issues, not for her but so when I have a relationship it will be a good one. Do I think I drove her to an A absolutely not, but I contributed. However, I was unhappy to and I did not cheat. I have a client who hits and hits on me and I resisted. She went slumming. Ok that is who she is fog or not!

Here was my thoughts most of the time I was here reading threads. I kept reading work on yourself you cant change her mind. I kept thinking what BS why am I here then?? I am here to get my WW back not to some self help. But I worked through what people were saying. What else did I have to do? And each time I did I would stop just for a bit from feeling sad and lonely. As that happened I dove right in, now I am feeling 98% better and looking much better.

So please, please, please, as hard or fruitless it may seem to you, work on yourself. Pick up a new hobby. Follow an old interest you never looked into. Take yourself out of your comfort zone! Let's face it you really can't feel any more uncomfortable. It will take and then maybe, just maybe WW will come back, maybe she won't, maybe like me you will discover you do not want her back.

I wish you the best of luck and know how hard this is for you. I would not wish it on anyone... except maybe OPs so they can feel what it is like. But you do you.

Thank you Tim, I can't express in words what your words mean to me. Even though we are strangers I appreciate your time and hope to follow into your footsteps to being a better man.

Sorry you had to find out this way, but aren't you glad the other shoe finally dropped? I had the same haunches but when I found out I was just as devastated.
Don't react immediately, take some time to absorb it, so you take your emotions out of it. I reacted too quickly and emotionally and before I searched out the web for advice. Use your advantage here so you can react calmly to this. Gather some advice from veterans and read Sandi's advice on how to deal with WW's.

Thank you very much for the support CWOL, I will listen to your advice. I will take a deep breath, take my time and do what's best for me and my family...what's left of it anyway.

I didn't get much sleep last night. The W got home at 1:30am. I am going to call OM's wife today, just to get some info, then I'm going to get info from his cousin. I have the papers in my pocket. I want to show them to MIL so bad, so she can see how crazy her daughter has gotten. This is a married man, he's got 2 kids S12 D7. The W hates his Mom and she hates the people he hangs out with.

She thought you were cheating on her and corroborated that with psychics??? Serious question, does your wife suffer from any type of mental issue? Corroborated with psychics? Really?