Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife has filed for divorce

Hi Sandi

I have managed to read all of your threads and my W is not WW as there is no affair in sight. She is more WAW due to my actions. BUT there are similar traits and what you say about not respecting the LBH is true.

My W booked a trip to Disneyland in April with the kids and her mom without even consulting me. I received the travel documents and she visited because I had the kids and she felt lonely, I told her straight that she cannot behave like this and I am to be consulted at all times and am bitterly disappointed as we had only gone there last year as a family...she didn't try an argue and backed down. Later she sent me a message to tell me that it was nice to have a civilized conversation?!!

I have also reconnected with my D8. I told my W to leave her with me for an hour. She didn't want to because my D8 said no. I told my W to leave, and then, once alone, my D8 was her old self with me again and we are getting along great. All because my W's insipid selfish behavior and unwillingness to encourage anything positive to happen. It is as if she has either no spine or behaves like a snake. Ultimately, she just thinks about herself. Our D4 tried to get us to hug each other, my W later said that she is not ready for hugs at the moment as it doesn't feel right. It's like she is on another planet and like you mentioned, isn't the girl I married.

So I actually took charge of a situation within our family and put things right with my D8..will that get any respect back? Is there a different set of rules for dealing with a W who has just walked away rather than having an affair?

Wayward definition: turned or turning away from what is right or proper; willful; disobedient; ungovernable; following one's own capricious, wanton, or depraved inclinations; following no clear principle or law; difficult to control or predict because of unusual or perverse behavior. synonyms: willful, headstrong, stubborn, obstinate, obdurate, perverse, contrary, disobedient, insubordinate, undisciplined; rebellious, defiant, uncooperative, recalcitrant, unruly, wild, unmanageable, erratic; difficult, impossible.



Can you read the above definition and still think your W is not wayward?

I'm pretty sure I stated that a woman does not have to be in an affair (or her H detect it) in order to fit the description of waywardness. True, in most of what we read on the board, the WW is usually involved in some type of an A, but there are other ways of rebelling.

Believe what you will. I just think it's a shame that you are so beaten down that you are willing to accept all the blame in this situation. You have convinced yourself that she's right and she's leaving b/c of your bad behavior. She's leaving b/c of her own bad behavior.....and there not being any consequences.

Sadly, she is teaching your daughters to have the same feelings and show the same disrespect toward you. And, as long as there are never any consequences, bad behavior continues.

Hi excile.
This is very helpful info from sandi2. It puts a new perspective on my current situation and some clarity as to what I am looking at. sandi2 has some great insight and does not sugar coat it.
I feel your pain and am pulling for you so that things work out for you as you solve the puzzle that is the WW/WAW.
But remember, staying focused on your needs to becoming a better person in spite of all of this is the real journey that will help us overcome.

Well. That spells it out. All our S are wayward.

Does it fcuckin' matter? We were ALL fired as husbands with the intent of someone else taking our place. It really does not matter if our Ws are fcucking someone else ATM or only fantasising about it.

I like this new vap... Never know what he is thinking, always beating around the bush. .

I'm now facing a difficult decision. After managing to reconnect with my D8 for a day or so, she has turned against me again. All because I wanted my D4 to stay over. She says very hurtful things like 'I should get a dog or go and live with my mother if I need company! My w says it would be easy for her to stop me seeing the kids but wants it to work and is trying hard to let me have access. My D4 tonight fell to her knees crying because she feels torn between her loyalty to me and her sister. My W asked if I could take a bottle of wine to her as she needed a stiff drink and to leave it on the door step?! I turned up to speak to her but she kept me at the door saying that she just wants to come home once I have left to resettle the kids and then arrange something. I just wanted my D4 to spend one last night with me in my home before I move out. Things will never be the same again. My W didn't see how important this was to me. I feel like walking away from it all. I don't want to cause division amongst the kids and my W is not interested or has any respect for me. Would going dark for a few months be the best option now? I want to be involved with the girls but at the same time do not want to cause anymore hurt. I have little say in when I see them as my W dictates visiting times, which is frustrating. I start a job with long hours on Monday so would not be able to see them as often. Is this the opportunity I need to detach from my W? I can't listen to anymore of this and feel so excluded. It's hard to believe we were once a happy family.....

Sandi2.. I suppose you are right. She has managed to make me seem like the guilty party and has made a drama of it all by telling all her family and friends what a monster I am...never has her flirting, drug taking or sleeping with other men during our last separation ever come up in conversation! She is turning my D8 against me because she hears the way mommy speaks to her dad. She even calls me by my first name instead of dad when shouting at me..just like my W does.

My W is so righteous and convincing...she has all the answers and knows how to belittle anything I say. Of course it's all my fault...

So how can I make her suffer the consequences?

I messaged her that I would back off as I do not want to cause any division between the girls for however long that may be......she answered saying that it was one of the most sensible things I have ever said and she would never stop me seeing the kids but TO GET IN TOUCH WHEN I FEEL THE TIME IS RIGHT?

What now? Do I just walk away? She doesn't care less!

Now listen VERY carefully... DO NOT ABANDON YOUR KIDS! EVER!!! DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

I don't want to abandon them, just stay away for a while.

I have to now detach from my W and find myself again. I cannot do that whilst hanging around with that kind of hostility. My W says that I have some serious issues that I need to address. I do not know what she means and do not intend to ask her. She just keeps blaming me for everything. I will see the kids with fresh eyes at some point. In the mean time I need to know how to move forward and really give the situation some breathing space. This is not healthy anymore. I have lost my self esteem and ability to think clearly. I don't want to held at the door step seeing my kids looking at me and not being able to pick them up.

My M is the last thing I am thinking about right now. Those kids would have been the gateway to my W's heart but whilst my D8 is so full of resentment towards me, I can only do the best thing for now.