Initially when this started I asked for clarification, but she would not say anything except that I am a good man, father and husband, and she had just shut down and had no feelings for anyone. Things escalated over the past 2 months, and I no longer ask, because as she throws out crumbs for why she is doing this it varies and really sounds as sandi2 says, she is re writing the history for her needs. I believe that her circle of support is helping with that. So as my bishop at church says, our only hope now is that she softens her heart and seeks out counsel that may help her reframe the history and look towards solutions and reconciliation. But that will be up to her and God at this point. I just want to implement good relationship behaviors and some of the stuff in Dbing that may provide an opportunity for her to see me in a better light, and continue to strive to be a good person for my family. Mind you I say all of this while the task is a challenge for me each day. But one foot in front of the other and one step at a time, right?
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
SadHub, Right there with you, brother. I'm going through the same thing as well. I'm hoping when she actually moves out and separate, my WW will see her EA for what it is, a fantasy, and not worth her throwing away a family for... She has admitted that I'm a good father and provider, hopefully she will see the light. Right now she is re-writing history as well and the reasons keep changing.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Vanilla, thank you for that. Your kind words about the fathers and their children touched my heart as I am spending the day with my D5 today. It truly has been a blessing today in spite of the fact that I believe today is the day that my W is filing the Divorce.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
W has filed the divorce paper work and told my D17 that it was hard to do, but it was better than taking the easy way out and just sit around doing nothing. I feel sad for her that she see's submitting some paperwork and breaking the family up as hard, instead of actually doing the hard work too strengthen our marriage relationship and create a great environment for our family. But no use in crying over spilt milk at this time. I will hold up and I will take care of my daughters and I will pray that she finds the happiness she is looking for. I will push on with the dbing, but try and stay focused on the goal of making me the best man, father and future husband possible.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
It has been a difficult morning. Emotions are running away from me. I am going to see IC today. Still looking for ways to control the panic attacks. I need to stay in control so I can do what is needed.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
She does not but she does take medication for a thyroid issue and several for sinus issues. She also regularly takes over the counter medication for aches and pains and to sleep on regular occasions. She has a table ligation and ablation procedure in early December and went off of birth control pills abruptly. I found out afterwards that this should have been done in a gradual process to maintain chemical balances. She is also at an age for pre menopause. Many in my small circle of support have indicated that this is a storm of potential issues for chemical imbalances, but unless she were to seek a professional opinion, no one will know. Her family looks down on folks with these and of issues, and although early on my W indicated she thought she needed some assistance to look into this, she has been convinced the she should not have it checked out. My D17 overheard a conversation where her grandmother was telling my W that she is not crazy and does not have any issues and does not need to seek help. So it is a challenge to know if this could be an avenue for her to clear her head and see things in a different light.
This is all possible and the thyroid and meds for it could be causing some of these problems, however it is all not something that you can FIX.
She has to decide that SHE is going to fix this on her own, other than that your best course of ACTION is to stay away from her and look elsewhere for something to FIX.
Sadhub, I am so sorry for the situation you are in.
Having to deal with anxiety just makes things so much harder. I've been struggling with it since BD, too. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor or therapist about it and to ask for something to help. Panic attacks get out of hand and shut our thinking right down. There is no way you work on anything at all, least of all your relationships, when you're in that condition. That's why there are anxiolytic meds in this world - xanax, etc.
Asking for help is not admitting failure. It's doing whatever you need to do so that you can be strong for yourself and your family at an extremely difficult time.
All the best.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
