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Does your W take any medication for depression?

She does not. But she is on several medications for a thyroid issue, sinus issues as well as she takes random over the counter meds for small aches and pains or to sleep pretty often.
She had a tubal ligation and ablation in early December and went off of birth control pills abruptly when the procedure was done. I have since learned that she should have come off of the BC pills over a period of time and not all at once.
She is also at the age of pre menopause.
Many in my small support groups that I can chat with share thoughts that anyone of these or combination of these could be playing a part into her mental situation right now.

At first she seemed interested in seeking help, but at some point she was convinced she does not have any issue and refuses to seek help medically or psychologically.
My D17 shared with me that my W family looks down on these type of issues and have convinced her she is not "crazy" and does not need help.
It's a tough situation for sure.

She does not but she does take medication for a thyroid issue and several for sinus issues. She also regularly takes over the counter medication for aches and pains and to sleep on regular occasions.
She has a table ligation and ablation procedure in early December and went off of birth control pills abruptly. I found out afterwards that this should have been done in a gradual process to maintain chemical balances.
She is also at an age for pre menopause.
Many in my small circle of support have indicated that this is a storm of potential issues for chemical imbalances, but unless she were to seek a professional opinion, no one will know.
Her family looks down on folks with these and of issues, and although early on my W indicated she thought she needed some assistance to look into this, she has been convinced the she should not have it checked out. My D17 overheard a conversation where her grandmother was telling my W that she is not crazy and does not have any issues and does not need to seek help.
So it is a challenge to know if this could be an avenue for her to clear her head and see things in a different light.

I am at home today as my D5 is not feeling well.

So my wife calls a few minutes ago to see how she is doing.
She then starts to apologize to me for doing this and creating this situation because she knows it will be hard, and she does not really want to do it, but she does not know what else to do. She then says that she wishes she did not have too do it, but she can't just keep waiting and wishing and hoping and praying that things can be as she wants them. She apologizes again and then says, but anyway I'll see you when I get home.
I wanted desperately to say something, but I hesitated, and then chose not to reply because I don't want to get into a conversation and get false hope. I know that actions are more important than words and I know that I need to stay focused on being who I should be so that she can see and do what she feels is best for her.

Was this the right thing to do? I am still unsure of what she is referring to about the last 10 years of what she is "wishing for, hoping for and praying for."
She has told me several times that I should just know. Unfortunately my list of things that I think I should just know is about 2 lifetimes worth of things as my eyes have been opened to the light since reading Michelle's book and many other relationship, husband and father information materials.

I went hugged my daughter as tight as I could and she asked me if I was thinking of Mom again. That brought a tear to my eye, but then my baby, said stop thinking of mom, you are taking care of us just fine. What an angel she is.

I been there brother, you did the absolute right thing. She needs time and space to come around. Just hang in there and be there for your kids.

Thank you sandi2 for sharing the value and importance of communicating and listening to even the youngest child that this will effect.
I know that I want to ensure that she can understand what is going on and know that both of her parents will love her and that she will be supported no matter what.
She is a smart girl and you can see in my other post how aware she is when she told me to stop thinking of mom and that I am taking care of her.

Thank you Melo for the support.

Yes, it was the right thing to do. Don't worry too much about not knowing what she's referring to the last 10 yrs b/c she's going to rewrite history regardless.



That's not good enough! It sounds as if she's trying to get out without giving any substantial reasons......b/c she knows she doesn't have any. If you want to risk her having another tantrum, you could tell her that perhaps you should just know....but you don't, and would she please just put it into words you can understand. Or, you can assume none of it will make any sense or be anywhere near how you remember things.....and STFU. It's up to what you feel you can endure. However, I don't think you will get a satisfied answer from her.

That is bizarre. Did you ask her to clarify for you?
My WW tried to give me (and her friends and family) a zillion reasons and the kitchen sink, but in the end none of the supposed reasons make much sense. Things like my son and I don't answer the phone when we see the Caller ID is from her mom (cuz she talks to her every night!?!)

The real reason was she was living in a fantasy carrying on an EA with the OM.

Thanks sandi2.
I will go with the advice just too leave it be until she can face what ever reasons and rewrote history she is making. As you say it won't make sense anyway and I need to focus on facts and the future.
The fact is I have come up with things (many many things) that I could have done better, and the future gives me the opportunity to work on that and become a better version of the man, father and husband that can take care of the family as I believe God and I would want to and be proud of.
One of my goals is to stop trying to fix the past, because I can not, stop predicting and worrying about the future, because it is not written yet, and stay focused and present in the moment serving others and being grateful for what I do have.
That is my daily challenge as I fight this darn depression.

Did you have any feedback on my response to your question about the meds?

Thank you for all of your feedback and wisdom.