I don't even think the absence is for the W at this point. That was the problem the first time. Ny did that already this NC needs to be for Ny
yep exactly... go NC for yourself NY. Then you can avoid these situations and focus on yourself. It gets easier, just stick with it.
I still think you need to make her see life without you. I mean really really see it.. not a few days, not a week. She needs to feel loss. She has not felt that yet. She is toying with you. Don't fall for those temp checks. They all do it. You gotta be strong. Hour long phone conversations?? heck no. You got this.
I am so hurt that she would do this to me after all her pretty words and saying the thing that would make her happy is for us to be together. I can do NC, and 10 days will encompass my 60th birthday and her 61st three days later. I'm too old for this. Last year we celebrated for her all year. This is my big one and her gift to me is a ton of lies and false promises. All these wayward liars are alike. Cruel, mean, heartless and selfish. All her sad sad texts about how she's so sorry, about how she feels like crying, that she loves me very much and wants me to know that in case her plane crashes. It's all bull.
NC is right. Detachment is right.
YOU are making this sitch. You are dragging it out. You are stirring the mud. It could be a very simple case of you removing yourself from a faithless cheater, setting clear firm boundaries, detaching, rebuilding a life, and being appreciative for what you have. But because you WANT HER you are clinging with a death grip, telling yourself you don't believe anything she says while desperately looking for promise in her doubts, and attaching your entire emotional well being on what a depressed WAS chooses to do daily.
How can you expect WW to let go of OW if you can't let go of WW?
Act with the character and strength you wish she had. If you can't do it you have no right to expect it from her. Continue in this love triangle and she's not to blame.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi NYG, I'm worried I'll lock your thread, but I wanted to post anyway. I'm sorry for what happened - that must have been painful to learn after some positive signs. From a helicopter POV, I do feel your W is cycling about and not to be trusted at this point in time. I also agree with what V said in that some Intel is useful and my approach has always been just to store Intel and adjust my approach without sharing what I know. All sitches are different though and H and I have little in the way of contact.
From my sitch (looking back....it didn't always feel this way at the time) these painful revelations were useful in propelling me forwards. In my desperateness, I realised the need for detachment purely to preserve self - and I would redouble my efforts to try and achieve it. It also helped me to know that (if H were with OW) all would be the same for a while and I could carry on along my path as we wouldn't be together for a while (because I wouldn't consider us being together unless he had been apart from OW for a while.)
As for your approach - my advice would be to withdraw again. No need to let her know why IMHO - and if she comes back with more of the same positive talk, let her know that you know she is still seeing OW and there will be no R with you while she is (though do be guided by experts here - this is JMHO.)
Above all, turn to your friends and enjoy them. Enjoy your birthday and try and release yourself from the pain just for now. Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
