Good morning broke- That is a good idea on what to say when people talk about it. I guess I have been breaking my own boundaries this week and didn't realize it. I have not forwarded or missed any calls this week. With my son sick I guess I just talked to him more then I realized. Today will be his first day having the kids since Sunday. He has a list at home, and I am just dropping them and then waiting at my inlaws until it is time to leave for the shower. I guess I need to be LESS avaliable again since the baby is not sick anymore.
Like last night our call was:
H- hey whats up? Me- Hi, want to talk to the kids? H- Yes He talks to both kids, s3 hangs up and I go back to my stuff.
H calls back
H- what are you guys doing today? I told s3 i wanted to talk to you and he hung up. Me- oh nothing, just stuff. Im alittle busy so ill see you tomorrow with the kids. H- are you still bringing them to my parents for me? Me- yes at 11:30 I'll be there. H- will you wake me up whn you get here? Me- sure I'll see you tomorrow H- did you know x is on vacation this week?(his partner) Me- mhmm(kids start screaming.) kids need me, so I gotta go. H- oh well okay bye.
MOST DAYS it is just hey let me talk to the kids and that is all he says. Or a text saying how are the kids? I'll say they are good..he might ask what we did today and I'll ignore that one.
I struggle with how much is too much talking and how little is keeping the kids away.
That conversation seemed like it was a win….short and civil. Also, you responding with good when he asks about kids and ignoring texts about what you guys are doing seems completely within your boundaries as well. Maybe there was more chatting this week because your son was ill. Overall, I don't see anything major to be concerned about….but, it doesn't hurt for you to evaluate to make sure you feel comfortable with how you are communicating within your boundaries. If your bff doesn't have kids, maybe it is hard for her to understand how much you have to discuss…
Anyway, I say put it on the back burner today and enjoy your time at the shower and with family. Stay strong….no talk about M - nobody's business anyway :-). Have fun!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
IMHO, if he already talked to the kids and calls back you may just want let it go to voicemail. I do think if you get a schedule set there could be less text conversation. BTW I don't think you should wake him up to see the kids, that is no longer your job. He fired you from that and he needs to learn some responsibility for his kids.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Oh he knows what time I'll be there, he is just too lazy to wake up on his own. I'll prob let the kids just run into the room and wake him or let his mom know I'm on my way over so that way she can wake him. Something.
Yes I think this week I will try to come up a schedule for 2-3 weeks at a time. Give it to him. Maybe today I can just say here are the next 3-4 days I would like you to have the kids if you don't have overtime those days.
I will say I look fabulous today! I feel really pretty
First 10 mins in the car with the mil and 2 aunts..so are you dating yet? Have a bf? I'm like no..still love my H and I'm no where near ready for that. Save me..if this is how today is going to go.
Well the shower went well..3 mimosas and 4 sangrias later and I had a little moment. I got emotional (happy tears) then went into the bathroom and had a few sad tears not boohoo crying but had to wipe a few tears away.
The bride came in to ask if I'm ok. I'm like yes I'm just peeing! Pulled it together and just told her that I was just so happy for her and that they were happy tears and she gave me a hug and kiss and told me her cousin(h) is an idiot and she was happy I came.
I was not gonna ruin her day with my issues. It was super fancy, they spent over 1000$ for a 20 person shower, but it was AMAZING.
I went home after to get my overnight bag I forgot. H got to see me all dolled up, he did not say anything BUT I know I LOOKED AND FELT GOOD and confident. High heels, black body hugging dress with mesh see through panels where you can see a nude color, a jacket with it.
He was distant, I didn't care. He was watching tv in the room and the kids were watching tv in the living room. I made it a fast hugs and kisses, grab stuff and leave visit.
He texted me at 11pm saying "I'm impressed. No shirt showing tonight? Lol " ( He is talking about long story short when I was tipsy and kinda made a move at him when he asked me over at 1:30 am and we hungout and kinda cuddled..aka my rock bottom moment brought to you by alcohol and poor decision making.)
I ignored him.
I TRIED going on a friend date. THAT WAS AWFUL.
He asked me to go hangout. On the way I called and asked exactly what he thought this was. He said date.. i said no..it can be hangout out as friends but not a date. He had a tantrum, so I didn't go. He said I'm mean and making my life more miserable. Why if my H is dating why can't I? Why if my H doesn't love me, why can't I have someone who will?
I was like UGHH NOOOO. Turned my car around and went home.
Today was..interesting. My boundaries weren't as strong as I would have liked BUT next time will be better. Tomorrow is a new day.
For the 2 baby free hours while he slowly got ready to leave he:
Made me lunch after I said I was okay and would get some later and brought me it into the other room.
Followed me around a lot, if I went into the room he would be in there 2-3 mins later. I was SO TEMPTED to tell him he was hoovering.
Before he left he eventually laid next to me in the bed while I had my eyes shut..then declared he was going to go after a minute or two.
H left his normal time. I think I messed us up by taking the kids early and then coming home and I was not able to leave since he was getting ready to leave.
I had my nails done today, they look fabulous. I look good. I feel good. I am 80% satisfied with my boundaries. We won't be having another baby free hangout day for a while it just was an off day. I'm trying my best to avoid days like today where we are home alone together.
