Are you developing sexual aversion? Is it because of his style? Or maybe you generally are just ticked off at him in the relationship? Or is it becuase he is not romantic enough for you? There is a lot of difference between romance and sex. My wife wants romance, but not really sex.
Quote: I'm the LD partner and have had a fantastic sexual relationship pre-H with a partner who knew how to push every single one of my buttons in the right way.
Push the right buttons? Does this mean you have a problem with arousal and maybe always have? This would mean you ARE LD. If you rely upon the other spouse to get you in the mood, then this would be a trait of LD's. HD people really never need to "Get in the mood" as we pretty much are always in the mood.
Why does he flip out when you suggest something different in bed? A trait of HD guys is they like as much variety as they can get. If our wives want to try soemthing new, we are all for it usually. And soemthing else, why would he not want to do something to please you? The most important part of sex is not getting our own rocks off, but to drive the wife insane with pleasure. Heck, I would love to give the wife head 3 times a day if she would give me sex 3 times a WEEK!
Okay. I've got to hear more about this. Does she fear your feet, her feet, feet in general? Does she prefer double amputees? Does she know that feet don't kill people, guns kill people?
Actually, it's called podophobia. That's pretty funky. My wife has hairdogdickinmyvaginaphobia. I'm considering electroshock therapy...just determining whether I need a dimmer switch between the wall plug and the alligator clips.
I'm not sure what's going on inside me but I'm feeling really down. I just talked to W about it because I dwelled on her comment that she made last night. She said that her love for me actually is conditional upon me not being grumpy. The problem is that I'm having an extremely hard time not being grumpy because my dad is in the final stages of a terminal illness. We have tickets to visit him in 2 weeks from now but that might be too late. Also, my job has been really weird too. Compound this with the fact that I re-opened my heart up to try to have a good relationship with my W, only to feel like I'm taking shotgun blasts to the heart now. In the past, when I was ED, I didn't feel anything. I know I've indicated progress on her part but it's going slow and I'm having a difficult time being patient.
I think I made the biggest mistake any of us here can make. I made it sound like this is might be a "phase" I'm going through...at least it might have gotten read that way. What I really meant was that my dad and job are putting me into this funk where I need alot more love than what I defined.
Anyway, last week, I was out of town all week and got back home Friday. She had gone on a girls weekend before I got home. When she got home last night, she was wiped out. Missing a midweek LM and having a weekend LM session due, along with last Sundays "coerced", lackluster LM session has me really feeling edgy.
I sometimes think that she assumes that LM is a "pacifier" to me. What she doesn't seem to understand is that it's other purpose is to fuel my love for her. She said her love is conditional upon me being "happy". Well guess what babe? My love is conditional too. You know, whoever invented the term "unconditional love" in reference to anything other than a child was full of sh!t.
Sorry. I'm venting. I'm extremely upset. I really feel like going downstairs, pulling her upstairs and having her just hold me for about an hour.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Quote: She said that her love for me actually is conditional upon me not being grumpy.
Well, I really hate that statement. But if what she really means is that emotionally, she has a hard time opening up to you when you are harsh rather than gentle, then it's time to open your ears.
I have, in the past, had a real problem with being harsh with my wife, and I was blind to the extent to which it affected her. She was extremely harsh with me too. That's something we fixed about 7 years ago.
We had this one great counselor who prescribed the following exercise: when you start discussing a difficult topic, take your wife's hand. Before you say something, think about whether what you are about to say will make her want to draw her hand away from you, or make you want to drop her hand. Choose your words and your tone in a way that will increase your closeness, not drive you apart. If you can't do this, consider postponing the conversation for another time when you're more likely to succeed.
After writing that last post, I did exactly that and we just spent some time together before the school called to ask her to pick up D5 who is sick. We talked a little bit. She said that I shouldn't question her love for me because (as she looked at the clock) she hung out with me for 10 minutes longer than I had asked. I couldn't resist telling her "I'm not worried about your love for me". I sort of breached the surface of having one of those "in love" vs. "love" conversations. And she started to look worried that I was about to drop the bomb. I basically made it sound like I was in love with her still but that I wanted to revitalize that "womanly-girlfriend-lover" love....in other words become "in love" with her.
Ok, she just came back between the last paragraph and now and yep, that particular exchange stuck in her mind. No drama or trouble here but the exchange was interesting. I'll update later.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
