Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Way Too Late Pt 3

Sorry hit submit before I was done.

Its the same with you. An OP that interferes with a marriage is scum. They are selfish and only care about themselves. They have no concern for the WS but rather want what they can do for them. So while they feel great about it right now our WW will have a point when they see OP for who they truly are. Then they will want a spouse who only truly wants to make them happy and share a love. The question is will we still be there at that time. My answer is quickly becoming no. You have to decide your own answer. My best wishes to you friend.

Hi Tim,
about ready to run out to my job - thought I'd check in quick. I'll be busy sending out resume's this afternoon - 8 a week is nuts, there's not that many job offers in a month. I'll have to send out to jobs that have nothing to do with what I do. Kind of like you sending out law resume's for an x-ray tech. HR is all like "whuh?".

Anyway, I tell you one thing - I'm going to fight for that dog. After 2 months of not seeing her I'm really angry that the WW can have her OM and the dog. Sandi is right, it's all about them and vilifying me. Heck, she'd let a total stranger have the dog with no problems. That makes me mad. I'm getting more and more upset about that as every day passes.

I'm going to go over to the house today and sneak a peak in the garage. I want to see what that "I'm cleaning the garage out - if there's anything you want you'd better get it" thing was. I saw no activity all weekend, doesn't mean she didn't do it early in the day, or kept the doors closed. I'd like to know if it was some weird way of reaching out, temperature taking or another shallow threat because she was bored.

I just thought of one thing - since I know the garage pretty well. There was a box with really old stuff in it. There were 2 cassette tapes that I recorded for her when we were in college for her art installation. Even custom drew the covers. Hope that was a nice stick in the heart if she did come across them. Too bad she's got no way to listen to them. Technology.

Huh,
one more thing I forgot to "unsubscribe" to, the broadband carrier. I just got a message from them that they're about to interrupt service to the house if the bill isn't paid.

Yeah, you know how often I'd get beat up if I missed a bill or was late when I was trying to juggle expenses while the WW was on one of her spending binges?

Heck, I thought it was for me here - so I checked the account (funny, I didn't remember having one or changing it) and there's the old address.

Ha ha. Have fun with that one.

1313,

The train wreck is just starting. It will be tough to watch. GAL'ing will help shield your eyes to the carnage.

Keep working out, taking walks, and doing one new thing a day or week. You can do this!

trumpet - thanks for the words of encouragement.

Yeah, it's hard to believe the real ugly is yet to come. It's all very depressing. The fight is yet to start - I can't believe it. I'm afraid to open the L's bill.

The worst part is having to send in resumes. Good G-d, it takes an hour or two to just do one! It was easier when you could just stick it in an envelope and mail it. Now every single employer has their own page, and you have to enter your resume there. A few will let you pull from one of the employment sites, but I'm amazed how many don't. And now I'm getting spam from insurance companies wanting to hire me.

THAT makes me suicidal right there. The thought of selling insurance. I'd take a job at hobby lobby for 1/8 the money first.

The worst part is that I'm supposed to do 8 jobs a week - and I don't think I can. I said that before, but now I've gone through an entire month's worth of monster and indeed, and even started to send to ones I sent off to last week!

So I'm going to have to talk to the L - because I've joked about sending off for other unrelated jobs, but now it's looking serious.

Ugh.

Tim, not sure how I missed this - I saw the one previous.

I was thinking about this today actually. The morning started out weird as usual. The patent attorney sent a message asking if I'd had a chance to go over the response. He sent it last week and I didn't answer assuming the W would tell him I'm out of the picture.

So, I sent a very nice email saying that the W filed for divorce, and for a variety of reasons including financial, I will not be able to pursue the patent, and would turn it over to the W (it was really her baby anyway - even though it was my invention). I'd be happy to remove myself from the patent, please let me know what I need to do.

I thanked him for his years of service and consideration.

Send.

Then about mid morning the W CC's me her email to the L saying: L, I am not sure at this late date we can remove "H" and not is not my desire, I will call you and discuss the patent today.

I usually read my emails before I hit send, but that's neither here nor there.

So, why is she not letting me bow out? I won't be doing any presentations for the judges, I won't be doing any drawings, I won't be reading the responses (which I've done for the past decade) and sending my notes on what needs changing or modifying. I'm DONE. D. O. N. E. So done you can't even put a fork in it because it's @#$&* DONE that it's tough as leather.

Wouldn't you think that she'd want the whole ball of wax? If this patent goes through, Google will buy it. Dozens of internet companies infringe on it. That's why it's been such a battle. She'd be rich. Richie Rich rich.

So why not let me go?

Which gets me back to what you mention in a very roundabout way.

When I first came here I was asking, wanting to do anything I could to reconcile. While I still would, I'm painfully aware that the W has as much work to do - and more. Lots more. I'm not a pathological liar. I'm not the one having an affair. I'm not the one who spent thousands and thousands taking extra time to meet the OM in Italy. I'm not the one who perjured myself in court documents telling those bald faced lies about me, about being afraid, about mental anguish and torture, about mistreating and over medicating the dog.

No, I made mistakes. I did wrong things. However, I set about to change everything she b*tched about. And some she didn't. I stopped drinking. I was on track and had a date set for my real estate test.

Yeah, the WW has a LOT of things that she'd need to take care of before I'd ever consider the potential of our R becoming whole.

I'm not at all sure - even in the best of circumstances she'd be able to face up to any of that. 2-1/2 weeks ago when it looked like she was actually stopping proceedings that fluttered into my brain. But now it's sprouted.

I have a feeling the vacation she took with the OM was dreamy and wonderful, which is why she seemed to have doubled down the D with the cleaning out the garage and come and get your sh* or it's getting thrown out. But at some point, it's going to hit her. I know this guy is a jerk, I've seen him grab the a$$es of women. He's a first class creep. And probably everything the WW wants as he couldn't be more opposite to me.

Enjoy it you - whatever you are. I don't know what she's trying to pull with the patent, but it's got to be something shady. Maybe she's afraid she's getting stuck with the bill if it's all hers. Well, she is. It's just as easy to say "stop", the government will hand it to the powers that have been trying to stop us all these years (a story by itself - the corruption is incredible) and pay the L what we owe him.

I'm never going back to Virginia again - at least not for the patent. She should sign Mr Wonderful onto it, and have a nice trip back to see the cherry blossoms. Oh, that's right - they only call you back there in August or January.

More journaling:

Well, I got [super-censored] again. The W texted (then emailed) me early this morning. She said she found my leather jacket packed in a bag (she's been using the suitcases a lot) and wanted to drop it off with "some other things". Yeah. Then an email, something about a check. I thought it was from a client.

Well, early afternoon I get a text saying "delivered on front porch". Guess her BF needed closet space. Boxes and boxes of my stuff, with my jacket sort of wadded up (packed my @$$, it was in the coat closet). Great, I have like, nowhere to put anything.

And in the piles of clothes was her support check (I thought it wasn't supposed to come until 4/5). So, just to prove she's really ticked off, she gave me 2 credit card statements, one had nearly $2k on it (Amex green that gets paid every month) and another with - well, 5 fat figures. Most of what I had spent on that card was for her business expenses and vacation(s). She also charged on it when she transferred the domains - remember when she did her little identity theft thing? So she charged several years on each domain (not just a transfer), and I also got some charges on her real estate software.

I simply cannot afford any of these, and the L had already made the agreement with her L on how the CC's would be handled. I guess it doesn't make any difference.

Seriously. I am out of her life. I don't talk to her. I don't contact her in any way. As far as she's concerned, I could be dead. Except I guess spousal support has really flipped her out.

What a hateful, spiteful, vindictive person.

I simply cannot figure out what she's going to do from one day to the next. Nobody would believe she's pulling this stuff, nobody. And I'm about done being quiet in the corner hoping she goes away.

Sandi is so right. They really do want all the benefits, all the good stuff for themselves. It's beyond selfish. I'm not even sure a 3 year old is this self centered. She dumps my clothes on the front porch, because why? I think we know, he wants to have a regular spot for his crap. But, they get to enjoy my artwork, my furniture, my stereo...

I was wanting to visit the H of her real estate coach, and was thinking about doing it tomorrow. Now I'm more convinced I will do just that - only I'm going to tell him every blessed thing she's done. I'm going to tell all her friends on her FB high school reunion page in case they haven't figured it out.

I'm tired of her cake eating and brushing the crumbs off on me. I want her to be as uncomfortable as possible. I simply don't care. I want her to leave me alone. She's pursuing me, only to do damage - nothing else.

It sounds like you guys have a very complex and intertwined situation, with a shared business, so I would make copies of the statements and give them to your L, and send the originals back to her with a note saying "these were in the pile by mistake".

Don't say anything to the person you visit tomorrow - spend your time enjoying his company and be an enjoyable person to be with so you get invited back.

If he asks, be brief.

Stay away from the Facebook-page.

You would eventually regret it.

Painter,
you're right - of course. I've threatened this before. But, I'm also pretty much past the point of hoping for reconciliation. As usual, if people ask, I tell them. But I'm past the point of pouring my soul out to them.

This man has been a good friend for 12 years now. I allowed my W and her problems with her coach to come between us. That was a mistake, and I feel incredibly guilty about it. This poor guy is on borrowed time, and I missed a lot of good times. Granted, his W has made our relationship odd because she's kept it on a business level.

After 60 years on this planet, for the first time I'm questioning what friendship really is, and where to cut the lines. That's terrible. But, that's where it is. To become so cynical so late in life is awful. I trusted my W with everything. And now, I stand a chance of losing everything. But, I will lose it rather than let her get any of it.

I left a message with my friend's W, and said that "no is a good answer". I'm not really sure where I truly stand, if they were asking me to sit with him for other reasons - this poor guy could be in a similar situation.

But if he asks, I will answer. I've protected the W even up to this point. I've not talked about her drinking. I've not talked about her cheating. I've tried to assume things were behind us when they never were. I'm done. I will tell him why she filed for divorce. I will tell him that she said horrific things about me in court documents. I will tell him that she accused me of abusing my puppy. I will tell him I haven't seen my pup for over 2 months.

But, he'll need to ask. Because you know what? I care more about him, and how he's doing. I will relish ever single moment I get to spend with him, and try to raise his spirits. Because, I'm blessed. As bad as things are. I don't have Parkinson's. I'm not fighting for my life every single day.

I'll check in if I get to see him, and let you know how it was.
I'll be going to Santa Cruz CA to visit him. It should be a beautiful day, and I hope to take him out to a wharf somewhere for lunch.

Yes, I would agree with Painter. I would not talk to your friend about your sitch. Not because of protecting your WW, but because you do not want to lay that burden and worry on him. IMO if he asked you what is going on with WW, I would just say you are divorcing. If he asks why, just say it is a long story and let it at that. That is just my opinion but that is what I would do. The high road is always the rougher road. In this case the high road is to look out for your and his health.