Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers NYGal: What now?

NYGal,
Ugh.

You're right, this stinks - I wish we hadn't smelled something a couple of days ago. I would love nothing more than to day congratulations.

You've got more of a yo-yo thing going on than a roller coaster. All I can say is hang in there - you're doing amazing considering what she's pulling. And she's pulling your string, and you're going up and down, up and down. Should we start calling you Duncan?

What you've got to do for the next few days look not at her, not at your R, but your b-day. Tunnel vision, ok? Look down that tunnel to the future - and the wonderful time you're going to have without the W. It's going to be better because it's you. If the W tries reaching out before you go - ignore it. Oh, you can look at her hand (yup, that's your hand alright!), you can acknowledge she's reaching out (looky there!) - but GO (buh-bye!).

Enjoy the time with your friend, and make it a very, very special vacay. A time you could never have with your W right now. She wouldn't let you. Let her marinade in her juices for a few days - in dead silence. Shhhhh... Hear that? No, she can't hear you having a great time - but you can!

It's going to be a gorgeous few days in CA from top to bottom, so you have a great f-ing time, ok? I know you can do it - and we're all pulling for you.

day = say - I'd blame auto correct but I think my fat dumb fingers are more to blame.

I didn't mention that she said she wanted to drop off my mail and pick up something I have that she needs. So I said ok, but it has to be by 8:30. She says ok.
Then she texted back at 5:30 - Can't make it by 8:30. No worries.
So I texted back. "Because you're with her?"
Nothing.
After all she has done and said in e last two weeks, I get NOTHING?????
So I drove by our house. First time since I moved out in January. And guess what, ow's new car is in my garage. W's car is on the street. I was never allowed to keep MY car in the garage.
So I called W. Phone is off. I can see them on the couch together!! Drinking tea just like we used to!! But not sitting together in each other's arms like we used to. No, about 3 feet apart.

You don't need to tell me I shouldn't have driven by. At least I didn't break a window on her new car, or go to my front door and confront the lovers. Nope. I drove away.

I guess she's afraid to break it off with ow. And I'm so tempted to just say her stupid name. To shout out both their stupid names.

I am so angry and hurt right now I can't stand it.

But I still want her back, dammit.

I know how difficult all of this is and although you know it was wrong what you did I understand why.

This so what I was afraid of for you when you were opening up to her

I think it is time for NC and don't break for a set period of time. More than 10'days as well. She temp checks and knows how to play this. No more enabling her

I really do feel for you.

Why the drive by Nygal?

Intel?

V

I am so, so sorry. That is so terribly painful. I'm not going to say you shouldn't have driven by, I'm all for knowing the truth. You self-control was great, and I'm glad her phone was off. You need to think about this before you decide how to react (or not).

I am so hurt that she would do this to me after all her pretty words and saying the thing that would make her happy is for us to be together. I can do NC, and 10 days will encompass my 60th birthday and her 61st three days later. I'm too old for this. Last year we celebrated for her all year. This is my big one and her gift to me is a ton of lies and false promises. All these wayward liars are alike. Cruel, mean, heartless and selfish. All her sad sad texts about how she's so sorry, about how she feels like crying, that she loves me very much and wants me to know that in case her plane crashes. It's all bull.

It really is all lies and bs. I know you feel you know her better than anyone and someday that person may be back. But you have to believe it is not her anymore.

Now you know the truth you have to put her behind you for a month at least in my opinion. See how you feel after. Yes you will cry and hate it but it will slowly get easier. You have never really given anytime to yourself truly during this.

I don't think you have a choice now. Believe nothing from her one way or another. Just ignore everything except logistics.

Don't fall to the pressure to tell her what you know or why you are doing this. It will not help.

So sorry NY.

You felt so close to the finish line, but it was all a mirage.

I agree with OTW... time to back way off. W needs to feel your absence in her life. I know you will say that you were already doing NC but you need to go a step further IMO.

I don't even think the absence is for the W at this point. That was the problem the first time. Ny did that already this NC needs to be for Ny