That is VERY good that you did maintain a level of calm in front of him! Pat yourself on the back for that! That's not easy to do. But the more you practice it, the better you will feel; I promise. As for what you do behind closed doors, you are human and you need to process it all to get through it.
Don't forget to exert yourself physically, too. Go for walks, do yoga, etc. It's so good for your body and your mind.
You are the adult and he is irrational.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I am glad that I've been able to help you. When I came here many years ago, the people were very kind and I have always felt that I need to pay it forward to others that come here searching for answers and needing support along the way.
You need to take the credit for helping yourself. You are fighting the battle and moving forward inch by inch. I am just one of the people in the crowd that is cheering you on.
Stay calm. The calmer you are when you interact w/him, the better it will be for the both of you. He won't know if therapy will help him until he goes to a number of sessions. One or two sessions will not fix him. But, you know that already.
I hope you have a great day! Keep moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
tfish08 - I've heard the same hateful speech so many times I've lost count. He runs hot and cold. At times, he's calm and easy to get along with and at others, the venom starts pouring out. It's like something comes up that we're unaware of, they get angry at whoever or whatever, and guess who gets the brunt of all that. I try to just sit and listen but it takes a lot to just STFU and I've failed many times. (I am getting better at it though.)
I try to remember that whatever caused him to erupt most likely doesn't have a thing to do with me. I'm just the easiest to blame and within firing distance. Remembering that in the heat of the moment isn't easy. You did great!
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
he had a bad day and as you know I am to blame for everything. It is windy maybe I will get a call about that later. He did not call the kids as promised...shocker right? I feel better today
Hi T, Ha and Job are giving you great support and advice ... I'm peeking out of my cocoon a little today and trying to catch up a bit ... I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Whether you realize it or not, you are doing better than you think you are.
Here is a spew apron in lovely Spring colors from the "I didn't break him I can't fix him" line ... wear it in good health my dear.
xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
so now email yet. He came over and stayed with the boys while I went out. He even bought me dinner. He is mad that his dog likes me lol. I was posting tonight because I am proud of myself. I went out to a meetup by myself...no sister..just me and I had fun:)It has been awhile. He did not ask ...so I didn't tell. It feels like he feels nothing but if that were the case he wouldn't be so angry right?
Bravo! You went to the meetup alone. That's a first step to regaining your independence and doing things on your own. I'm so glad you had fun.
I'm glad he came over and stayed w/the boys and also brought you dinner. If he didn't feel anything for you at all, he would have been indifferent.
As for the dog, I had to laugh. Because they think animals should take sides too. LOL!
What are your plans for the weekend?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
