I feel like the closer I get to my wife moving out April 1st, the meaner and colder she's getting. It's like she's trying to pick an argument with me. I truly can't believe the woman my wife has become. It's unbelievable. I feel like I should just stay locked in the spare room until she leaves.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
i think you need to avoid and any interaction you have be the best person ever. you are looking at this from your view only. You see her as being awful, but i am almost positive on the inside she is going on her own roller coaster. She is more than likely stressed about the move and the impact on your children etc..then she is also prob picking things with you for justification on her leaving she wants something to tell people bad about you or herself.
dont feed into that at any cost.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Good point. These are the situations I have really big problems with. Probably my nice guy defect. I feel like I should validate those feelings to her. I guess at this point in the game, bad Idea?
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
if she is saying things that can be validated then fine, but if she is just throwing trash your direction dont validate that just walk away or let it be known that it must be hard dealing with everything she has going on, but you will not be spoke to in that way by anyone.
Validating is not accepting whatever they say and dont say you understand just listen and show empathy.
My opinion just kind of let her be.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
If you plan to be present while she moves out, I don't know how you will oversee what is carried out of the house. I mean, you don't have to stand over her as she packs each box, but being in the same room could prevent her from sneaking something out that she pretty much knows you'd want to keep. Especially, sentimental items.
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I feel like the closer I get to my wife moving out April 1st, the meaner and colder she's getting. It's like she's trying to pick an argument with me. I truly can't believe the woman my wife has become. It's unbelievable. I feel like I should just stay locked in the spare room until she leaves.
I doubt this is all just your imagination. There are at least two reasons a woman acts this way. 1) to discourage you from trying to change her mind; 2) to keep her own negative feelings charged enough to get through the move.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
For next week or so I'm going to re-read all my threads to try and see what worked if anything and what didn't. Try to learn from the past. I feel at this point, until the move, I'm only going to converse with my wife if she start the convo or it about the kids. I think once she gets out and all this tension quiets down, i'll have a better opportunity to get to work with DB again.
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015
WW wife is actively in EA or PA. WAW is just tired and done with M
Listen men, a woman does NOT have to be in an A to be wayward!! Get your dictionary out and look up the word wayward.
JB, you tell yourself whatever you want, but it doesn't change things about what she is or is not. But I will warn you that just b/c you have not seen any evidence of an A does not mean she's not cleaver enough to keep it hidden until she gets out of house and has you in a safe distance.
So now, did you ever read any of those books I recommended? That would be a positive action.....and one that you can control.
Is there any reason at this point to ask anymore questions about a possible affair my wife might be in before she leaves. I know it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things, but will it just make her more mad whether it's really happening or not?
Me-LBH, 44 Spouse-WAW, 41 Married for 9 years S, 7 S, 5 BD - November 20th 2015